Dr. Neil Clark Warren is the mastermind behind eHarmony.coman Internet matchmaking service that encourages readers to find "true love" rather than a slew of Saturday night dates. His basic shtick is that "broad-based compatibility" is the glue for making a partnership loving and lasting. Falling in Love
offers 29 "dimensions of compatibility" to consider before committing to a romantic relationship. His formula is so, well, formulaic, it threatens to take all the mysticism and romance out of finding a soul mate. Thats fine with Warren, who believes that readers who screen partners for compatibility will fare much better than spirit-struck lovers who base commitments on profound immediate attraction.
Warren begins with weeding out bad characters. "If one of the partners in a relationship lies, cheats, or steals, that bad character will eventually undermine the relationship." Even if youre not the victim of these behaviors, you will be, claims Warren. So run, dont walk from the relationship. Seems like obvious common sense. Yet advice columnist are constantly answering letters from unhappily married men and women, complaining about these very forms of broken trust. Warren also encourages readers to stop ignoring the early "red flags" of addictive personalities and psychological issues, such as chronic depression. Demand that the partner commit to professional help before you go any further with the relationship, he advises. Other compatibility issues include anger management, sexual passion, and family planning.
While his advice is solid, it is conservative. For instance, he does not address homosexual love or allow homosexual partnering on his web site. Also, most of the discussion is geared toward traditional marriage as the final goal. --Gail Hudson
From Publishers Weekly
If youre looking for your soul mate, youve probably heard of eHarmony.com, the online dating service founded by psychotherapist Warren and which he claims has resulted in 2,000 marriages. Here he shares the eHarmony.com formula, which consists of 29 personal dimensions that Warren says determine whether two people are compatible; they range from the obvious, like intellect, sense of humor and character, to more nuanced qualities like ones sense of curiosity and level of artistic passion. Warren evaluates how important each dimension is (e.g., "Most people with strong artistic bents simply must be paired with partners who have similar interests") and how they can affect a relationship. Warren offers real-life stories to show how these dimensions play out in relationships, describing, for instance, the tensions created by mismatched energy levels, when one partner is full of get-up-and-go and the other is a couch potato. Warrens dimensions of compatibility will ring true to those seeking not just a hot romance but a stable, long-term relationship.
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