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Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose
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49 of 50 people found the following review helpful
on June 27, 2004
I ran into this book at a time when I was eager to learn more about the nature of romantic relationships. It is an excellent introduction and resumé of the voluminous psychological literature on romantic relationships, and specifically, the process of "falling in love." There are suggestions for self-help, but the reader wishing concrete advice will want to consult other books on the topic, in light of Pines's conclusions. I was impressed with her command of the literature and her extensive research and clinical experience; she is extraordinarily well qualified to have written this book. (Contrast this with something like _Are You the One for Me?_, a preposterously naive discussion of similar themes by someone -- DeAngelis -- who has no evident qualifications.) Ayala Pines has given us an excellent place to begin an exploration of our own and others' relationships. Its style is really not academic, and its tone is warm. No previous knowledge of psychology is necessary.
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39 of 40 people found the following review helpful
on August 11, 2000
This book outlines practical, theoric and statistical data that clearly show you how you might be imprisioned by your own patterns of choosing a lover. A real eye opener for me. You are able to understand the difficulty of past or current relationships through identifying your personality type and personal traumas so that you clearly see why you are drawn to the people who are your lovers. She also states that studies have shown, partners who are of unequal phyiscal attractiveness more often than not have unsuccessful long term relationships with one another. It all is seeming to make sense now, isn't it? A smart/academic and informative read. And just really fascinating.
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18 of 18 people found the following review helpful
on January 21, 2001
A combination of hundreds of studies, insights from the work of scholars across several fields, clinical experiences and observations culled from literature across the ages makes for a fascinating, and helpful, journey into discovering what makes us fall in love with people. Reading this book was a liberating experience. The recommendations at the end of each chapter are quite amusing because of the way that they are worded.
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21 of 25 people found the following review helpful
on August 11, 2000
Reading this book was truly life changing for me. It has a unique combination of what researchers have found in studies, and what the author has found from her doing couples therapy. I don't think I've ever read a book that helped me so much to understand my own longstanding patterns of the guys I end up with!! Who knew there was method to the madness!! Just wonderful, and highly recommended.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
on August 15, 2012
One of the first few books I read when I was starting to explore the psychology of relationships. This book helped me understand more about myself from the perspective of my childhood, and I feel that self-understanding is the prerequisite of healthy relationships. It will be a good idea to start from books such as these before going on to other books which provide a more general style of advice.

Editorial reviews describe the reading of this book as 'work' and more geared towards professionals involved in couples therapy, but I actually quite like the 'heavier' aspects of the book eg. psychological studies, analysis of psychological theories etc. I find them very useful to the understanding of certain ideas instead of simply just accepting these ideas as facts.

I spent 5 days reading this book and could not put it down at times. Very educational stuff! I know so much more about myself than before. However, films about love no longer seem the same, and I used to be a romantic movie buff, because the concept of love has lost much of its mysterious aura for me. Although that probably is a good thing.
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23 of 31 people found the following review helpful
on November 9, 1999
This book takes the insights from Freud, Eric Fromme, Jung, etc. and houses them in an excellent framework of why and how we love. It includes the data to acompany the psychology. Then it boils it down in common terms for "advice for those seeking love"
Vince
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on March 27, 2014
Helen Fisher (anthropologist/human behaviorist) was right and Ayala Pines proves it. This is a deep read that takes time to get through and as you slowly read you will discover that sometimes, just sometimes, you might be reading your biography. Falling in Love will help you understand what motivates you toward who you are attracted to - and with that information, you can decide what patterns you want to change. Or not!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on April 27, 2014
Very good book on the many ways of interpreting the path toward falling in love and keeping an intimate relationship. Excellent insights on better mate selection.

The Kindle file was full of typos and misplaced words.
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8 of 11 people found the following review helpful
on September 30, 2008
This book has an interesting perspective on the human feeling called love, and the reasons why people fall in love. Of course at the end of the day its a perspective, and even if it is backed up with scientific research, tests..etc in my mind love is a subjective matter, and it's very hard to make generalities about such a topic. If you want to get answers to some of your questions, regarding human relationships, and interactions, this book will definitely give you interesting facts.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
I had to get this book for a Human Sexuality class I was taking in Grad school for my counseling studies and the course was given by none other than Yvonne Fulbright herself. One of the best classes I have ever taken and the book is not only good for the class but also for personal insight and discovery as well. Quick delivery too!!! Thank you!!! A+++
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