Customer Reviews

Falling: The Story of One Marriage

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

This book was extremely well written, sad, compelling, and frustrating. Mr. Taylor comes across as very introspective and thoughtful, except in the one critical area of his several extramarital affairs, which, if I was figuring the chronology correctly, began awfully early in his marriage. And if the idea of family was so important to him, as he stresses over and over, why didn't he try to strengthen his marriage and his family by NOT HAVING THE AFFAIRS? It's one thing to give your marriage every possible chance to succeed, and quite another to sabotage it from several angles. Mr. Taylor's character seems to combine admirable qualities of honor and duty with an unawareness of his sizable narcissism--which displays itself in his relationships with his lovers and their husbands as well. What kind of person would agree to be introduced to his lover's unknowing husband? This is an act either of cruelty, or completely oblivious narcissism.

The author's wife, though thinly sketched, seemed true to life, as my opinion of her wavered between sympathetic and unsympathetic. She felt limited and frustrated by her at-home-mother role, yet resisted finding full time work, and ultimately demanded lifetime financial maintenance from the author. I found myself wondering if the author had published this book in order to keep up his alimony payments.

In the interests of fairness, I don't mean to condemn the author simply for failing at marriage. I can't fault someone for entering into a union with more hope than realism; and after all, no one can see into the future. I guess all you can do is know yourself, and know the other person as best you can, and try your hardest. But it certainly seems that our tolerance for struggle, difficulty, and discontent has never been lower.

Taylor's book is much more his story than that of a marriage. We are privy to a great deal of his own critical self evaluation, yet we learn very little about his marriage. Taylor deserves credit for his indepth and insightful commentary on his own thinking over the course of a marriage. He is a man trying to make sense of vast confrontations between parts of himself. But the novel falls short of offering any inexorable truths about marriage, other than not to repeat the sins of the author. At times we question the very character of the author, a self serving egoist who has very little to say about the people in his life other than to tell us about their sophisticated jobs, travel schedules, and their favorite drinks. Did the author ever get past the superficial with anyone, let alone his wife? He doesn't seem to have a real relationship with anyone. Should we be surprised when it doesn't develop with his wife? If a reader wants to learn about much of what is wrong with modern marriage, Falling is an excellent and penetrating example, even if the writer doesn't see it himself. However, if readers are looking to gain insight on what the story of a good marriage might look like, they should look elsewhere. May I recommend Sheldon Vaunauken's masterful love story, A Severe Mercy, to those of you who would like to walk away from a story of marriage feeling more than saddened by the writer's failed understanding of the institution he was so interested in writing about.

After having read the book, then read some of the reviews, I was suprised at how outraged some people were at this story. This is probably the most realistic viewpoint about a relationship that I have read in a long time. Does that mean that every man cheats on his wife? No. Does that mean that every woman wants "maintennance" for the rest of her life? No. What it does mean is that sometimes people make mistakes (in this case, several of them), but they must go on. Granted, there were several times where I found myself angry at the author for his actions, but who am I to judge someone elses misfortunes, when we all have skeletons in our closet.

I remember reding about this book when it was first published, but really had no interest in reading about yet another failed marriage. Too depressing. But then after reading The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls and learning that this author is her current husband, my interest was piqued. I LOVED The Glass Castle and was very curious about John Taylor as her husband. So I bought, and read, this book.

I can sort of see why one reviewer here referred to the author as "whining".... But then don't we all when we go through the harrowing, nauseating experience of divorce? I did. And I'm not a whiner. I thought the author was just being as honest as he could. The only part I really didn't understand is what actually happened in this marriage to cause it to be so miserable for each of them. They got married, they did this, they did that, and then he was having an affair since he was so miserable. About what, exactly? Maybe his point is that it doesn't have to be anything specific in this day and age of demanding absolute happiness; anything less means d-i-v-o-r-c-e. Sad.

In any case, I enjoyed the book because men usually don't write about this stuff.... and because I can see why he and Jeannette Walls were drawn to each other. I would have liked to read more about him and Jennette, but maybe that will come in a future book. I do believe that Jeannette definitely deserves a quiet, reassuring, stable marriage and it would appear that John Taylor can provide that for her.

I have been divorced for many years, but I found John Taylor's story compelling; it read like a novel. He doesn't fail to reveal that he is far from perfect, and I was always looking for the moment when he would dump on his wife - but he didn't. They seemed both equally to blame, though I must say Mr. Taylor was more than fair and generous to his wife at the end, at least financially. He seems to be a man who truly gives being civilized a try. You have to hand it to him; he was sensitive to everyone's needs in this book. And I like his ruminations on marriage and divorce. He's a great writer and I hope we hear more from him. Oh, by the way: this book has a very fitting, lovely cover. Whoever's responsible should be commended.

I found John's honesty of going into his marriage, to the breakup simply poignant. He reflected on society's standards, his family and the things that led to the demise of his marriage. Really a captivating read.

I admire mr. taylor for tackling this difficult subject matter, and yet I cannot help feeling a certain amount of disdain also for his chronic dishonesty, which I feel leaks over into his work...otherwise, surely tere would have been some discussion of his wife's pain at his betrayals and lies. we never really understand why he lives such a vapid and shallow existence, careening from one affair to the next and enjoying sriticizing these women in print -- collecting all their best lines in the process. additionally, I feel he takes too much false comfort from announcing at the beginning of the book that it was his wife that asked for the divorce. what choice had she? he is no more a noble protaganist than is seen in Americam Psycho, which at least makes no pretension to compassion or self actualization. probably a companion volume to this would be Breakup, by catherine texier, which actually shows more compassion and truth and does not sugar coat the sordid details of this kind of demise. mr. taylor is a gifted writer, true -- certain phrases were incredible -- yet when will he delve into the country of honesty? or is show and tell more profitable from arm's length....more bearable for him, I suspect. he seems to approach his marriage and his wife's illness from the vantage point of a journalist, not a man. I wanted to respect his forthrightness but I ended up feeling mildly disgusted.

After having just finished Falling, I must comment on how truly comforted I feel. So many of the feelings John Taylor expresses really touched me. I had trouble expressing these very same feelings even to myself. How anyone could say this man is self-absorbed! I think he would have tried anything to make it work if he thought there was even a remote possibility the two of them could have been happy. I always remember saying I'd wish there was a magic button I could press to make me feel something in my marriage. Wonderful reading for anyone going through divorce. Its been 8 years for me and still, this book made me feel connected to someone who had experienced such emotional trauma, and still feeling it, it never goes away. I'd love to see how Mr. Taylor is doing today, as well as his wife and daughter. I hope he has found some peace within himself.

After finishing this book, a big heavy weight seemed to lift off my shoulders. This is a tribute to the prose -- which was vivid, convincing, and honest. But the content was so pathetic! Neither Taylor nor his wife seemed to feel any joy, share any humor. It made me realize how much I value the laughter that's a part of my own marriage. It made me realize there's nothing wrong with "lightening up!" I think one of the therapists that Taylor describes summed it up best when he told the couple they had less "energy" than any other couple he'd ever treated. I've never read an account of people more bogged down and burdened by the precious gift of life.

I lke to read this book just as joyce maynard's at home in the world. both are concerning the marriage and divorce. the author mentioned lots of divorce examples---no matter the couple is young or old----actually, i think the major problem is selfish. this book clearly shows the bitter life of the divorcee, the author also described frankly about his affairs...however, it's the reality of our society. i like the writing, it's clear, vivid and precise.