After eight years of experience with community organizing and activism on behalf of LGBT families, Abigail Garner has written a book about kids with gay parents. FAMILIES LIKE MINE is full of heart and hope-but even more importantly, it's full of truths. Because of her own experience as a child with two gay dads, she speaks from a well-qualified vantage point. She says she is "culturally queer" but heterosexual, and with that perspective, she comes at the topic from a unique and fascinating angle.
Using extensive research and interviews with some five dozen youths, Garner discusses many topics including: adult parents coming out in the family; family changes, particularly divorces and same-sex break-ups; how kids with LGBT parents handle school; the concept of "straight family privilege"; the impact of HIV/AIDS; straight kids in queer culture; and kids of LGBT parents who don't grow up to be straight. She doesn't shy away from tough questions, and she doesn't believe that kids with gay parents grow up exactly like everyone else. But it is clear that she is championing a little-heard truth: that kids with LGBT parents don't reach adulthood any more wounded or messed up than other kids from straight homes. In fact, many such children grow up more open-minded and tolerant than their peers, though they often have to face a great deal more antagonism and prejudice than is fair.
Weaving into the book her own fears and experiences, Garner is able to clearly delineate many of the problems that members of a non-traditional family encounter. For instance, once when her biological father was out of town, Garner's other dad, Russ, fell ill and was rushed to the ER. Most of us take for granted that as legal members of the immediate family, we'd get to visit our parent in the hospital and would be entitled to medical information. Garner was lucky because no one asked questions when she claimed to be Russ's daughter. But under the rules of most hospitals, if she had been challenged, she could have been barred from his room. She is correct when she writes, "What are labeled as special rights are not special at all; they are human rights that are currently being denied to LGBT citizens" (p. 127). A right as simple as visiting a sick member of the family ought not be denied, but it does happen.
I found this book to be tremendously readable and could not put it down. The contributions from the interviewees and the author's personal story were fascinating. Garner's ability to synthesize and explore this topic in such an accessible way is ground-breaking. By the end, when Garner writes, "Children of LGBT parents, however, are thriving in this world of possibilities" (p. 228), I found myself hoping that this would continue to be true and that our society would become more accepting, more knowledgeable, and with many more resources for "alternative" families.
This is a book that belongs in all libraries and should be read by school administrators, teachers, social workers, legislators, and parents (whether they are gay or not). If people would listen to Garner's message, the world would be a better place for all kids, whether their parents are gay or straight. ~Lori L. Lake, author of Stepping Out, Different Dress, Gun Shy, Under The Gun, and Ricochet In Time, and reviewer for Midwest Book Review, Golden Crown Literary Society's The Crown, The Independent Gay Writer, The Gay Read, and Just About Write.
