Families and How to Survive Them [Hardcover]

A. C. Robin Skynner (Author), John Cleese (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1984

Written in an unconventional dialogue form, this book explores the inner workings of the modern family, and the interactions between couples and their children.

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Marvelous...witty, insightful, and fascinating....I recommend it to all."--J. Framo, Family Process

"Monumental...extraordinarily comprehensive....We all have something to learn from this synthesis."--J. Byng-Hall, Tavistock Clinic Gazette

"This refreshing and clever book immediately engages the reader by its informal, familiar style. It is amusing much of the time, but filled with wisdom based on recent research and professional writings."--Group

"An excellent introduction to the basic dynamics of marital and family dysfunction with a developmental approach to change and therapy."--Leonard Solomon, Boston University

"Useful to students wanting to understand the family using a Freudian perspecitve."--Sue Blumel, Ambassador University --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

About the Author

Robin Skynner, Institute of Group Analysis and Institute of Family Therapy, London. --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: Methuen (September 1984)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0413526402
• ISBN-13: 978-0413526403
• Product Dimensions: 9.7 x 7.4 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,490,629 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

45 of 48 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Useful, but weirdly dated, December 3, 2001

By 

Ms. Standfast (Arlington, VA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Families and How To Survive Them (Paperback)

This is a useful, humorous, non-pompous book for people seeking insight into the workings of (please note) Western, nuclear-style, fairly conventional families. Skynner is a genial, compassionate man who has obviously enjoyed his career in family therapy and doesn't have much of an ax to grind, while Cleese's wry interjections help give perspective. Particularly praiseworthy are vignettes from Skynner's practice in which he shows how a malfunctioning family system can be nudged toward better health by precipitating very small changes in behavioral styles, without excess angst or struggles with dragons. I also appreciate his focus, common also to Eric Berne and Michele Weiner-Davis (see their books), on finding and embracing what works rather than dwelling on what does not. For people trying to enjoy the best about their families and especially younger children, this book could solve a number of frustrating mysteries. Likewise, it's useful for grasping the ways that certain behaviors and types of people feel attractive and comfortable, and why some situations "push the buttons" of an individual or within a relationship.

I do have some caveats. While not Freudian in any strict sense, Skynner occasionally seems to share the reductionist attitudes of "the Master," leaving you with the feeling that every human interaction and achievement is no more than the search for fulfilment of a parlayed (and frustrated) infant or toddler. True as this can be in everyday situations, I feel that it is not the whole picture and should be balanced by writers examining the human urge to evolve to a more aware, creative and functional state. Thwarting of this urge seems to me a source of a significant number of human conflicts, in or out of the family context, not to be resolved solely through reflecting on one's (non)progress through various developmental stages. Maslow, James Hillman and Robert Anton Wilson come to mind.

Especially, my jaw drops when Skynner sets forth his views on the development of homosexuality. I can't remember the last time I heard any otherwise credible and humane writer ascribe homosexual orientation to problems in bonding or detaching with a parent of whichever gender. The more gay people I know, and the longer that gay people are free to live openly in various pockets of American society without fear of crippling social sanctions, the more apparent it seems to me that a few gay people within a straight majority are just part of nature's plan. Studies of animal behavior, brain structures and potential genetic links support this view. So I'm dead amazed to see Skynner, otherwise not terribly doctrinaire, still discussing homosexual orientation, certainly not with any kind of punitive moralizing, but as if it were a kind of arrested development that could/should be "treated" for maximum happiness.

But then, no book on human behavior is the perfect answer to all your dreams of insight. Nothing is drearier than the person who has read one book looking beneath the surface of human conflicts and believes he/she has found the guru with all the answers, so take this book for what it's worth--kind, commonsensical and applicable to many families you probably know--and don't stop investigating.

7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Why didn't anyone tell me about all that before?, June 26, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Families and How To Survive Them (Paperback)

This book is one of the rare "ha" books out there! No stupid little behavioral reciepes like "look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how much yourself". Yet very clearly explained observations about how one grows up to fit in a family pattern and to reproduce it in adult life.

And John Cleese's humour makes it fun to read... Definitely a keeper for anyone not happy with their life and actively trying to change for the better...

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars it's an eye-opener, December 27, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: Families and How To Survive Them (Paperback)

The book definitely gave me more of an understanding about human beings. It very clearly addresses the fact that children are not just little people ---unless the grown-ups you know are stuck in some early stage developmental quagmire. I really like the cartoons--they made me laugh aloud-- and John Cleese's sense of humor. I recommend the book as a primer for becomming more adult and for developing more understanding yourself and your choices.