Customer Reviews

The Family Bed

5 star:		(15)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(8)

 

 

My son was three months pre-mature. He stayed in the NICU for 2 full months before he was allowed to come home. He came home attached to many machines and monitors.

The 'good' nurses in the NICU quietly approached me one by one to urge me to let my son sleep in our bed. It was as though they were messengers of secret information. One nurse highly recommended The Family Bed.

I didn't get the book and my son didn't sleep with us. Then one night, his monitors went off continually. I thought it would be the night he died. To comfort him, we brought him to bed with us....all 4.9 pounds of him. His monitors never went off again.

I went out and bought the book. I read it with great interest. It was easy to follow. The author was obviously passionate about bringing children into the 'family' bed. It was moving and compelling at the same time.

The basic point I got out of the book was this....who do you want your children attached to? The teddy bear? The blanket? The passifier? Or, do you want them attached to you?

We live in a society that wants kids, but doesn't want to be bothered by them. They grow up looking for 'what' to trust instead of 'who' to trust.

I know have three children. All three have slept with us. Our bed is the 'safe' place. They are 6, 5, & 3. None of them still sleep with us except when they need to.

This is a great book if you are wondering why you should consider loving your kids so much as to let them sleep with you at night.

We have a "Family Bed" and it works amazingly well for us. [With so many other rooms in the house, I'm amazed at some of the other reviewers who say they couldn't have a sexual relationship with their husbands... We've certainly not had that problem.] Our family is a very close and happy one, and my husband and I love nothing better than waking up all cuddled up together with our sweet little toddler in the mornings. I'd recommend the "Family Bed" [or "Co-sleeping"; "Sharing Sleep"] to any family that would like a close knit, loving, happy family unit.

That having been said, I kind of hate this book. While I suppose it is something of a "Classic", I dislike the author's language on the subject [she does seem to rant and rave a bit, which is unneccessary and annoying in my opinion]. I disliked her chapter on Sex [seeming to think it was unneccessary between spouses or that there was something wrong with wanting to have sex with your husband - as opposed to offering good advice on how to have a great sex life AND a Family Bed]. She also makes a couple of allusions to sex WITH children that made my skin crawl. I found parts of this book very upsetting and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, regardless.

If you want some great books on Co-sleeping or "Family Beds", check out "Three in a Bed" by Deborah Jackson, and "Night Time Parenting" or any of several other books by Dr. William Sears & his wife Martha - I found these MUCH more helpful, sane, and constructive.

This book is helpful because it does not imply that there is one correct way to raise children. The author, Tine Thevenin, has a wonderful theory that a good parent is one who really listens to what a child asks of them. I was one of those people who vowed never to let my baby sleep with me, but after having my son in June 1998 and not sleeping more than 3 hours at stretch since, I have changed my attitude. I was sick of angrily getting out of bed every two hours to try to comfort him and finally tried bringing him in bed with me and my husband. Now we all are much happier-my son has the comfort of his parents nearby, I get a lot more sleep and my husband does not have to try to deal with a crying baby and a psycho wife in the middle of the night. This book is wonderful because it tells you to trust your instincts and not worry about what other people think of your parenting choices. It does not say that people who share their beds with their children are better parents, it just says to do what works for your family. Good common sense, if you asked me. Each child is different and each family is different. Many babies have not read the books that say they should sleep through the night at 3 months! If you too are tired of getting out of bed many times a night, taking your child into your bed may be the answer and this book can give you some background about this age-old practice. It is good to read if outsiders give you a hard time about it, too! If you are an attachment parenting advocate, this book will be right up your alley.

Great book about the theory behind having your children sleep with you - but if you know that's what you want but want some practical help about where to make love with your partner and about getting the child to sleep when you're not ready for bed, etc. etc. this is not the book - I'm still looking for one.

This book is really wonderful. My husband and I read it before our baby was born, and felt that it made good sense. We loved seeing our baby and young child so happy and secure with us. He's grown now, and we always felt the closeness and security contributed to his self confidence. This book presents a good argument about why it doesn't make sense to isolate the youngest and most helpless members of the family.

This book basically gave me all the reasons why cosleeping is a good idea (which I had already decided). What it didn't do was give me any help at all at dealing with the difficulties we encountered. I needed advice on helping my child not to stay attached to my nipple all night, just because I was there, how to get him to sleep before my bedtime, and how to maintain intimacy with my husband, particularly while dealing with the first two problems. All of these have solutions that we continue to work out for ourselves, but this author's comments were not helpful. Being told that sleep wasn't really that necessary, or that I don't really need a sex life was not going to make my husband supportive at all, and I wasn't too happy about it either. Try elsewhere.

I found this little gem on my mom's shelf while looking for something to read. My son is 6 months old and he has slept with me since the day he was born - even in the hospital. After a few sleepless nights of sitting up to breastfeed, I finally realized that lying down to nurse was wonderful. So - to the book. My parents had all of their children but me sleep with them. (Mom says she was "reading a different book" with me). Once they discovered LLL and co-sleeping that was it for them. It was wonderful to finally read the book that changed their minds, even at a time when the "experts" were against co-sleeping.
The author does a great job of laying down why the family bed is the best place for children. Just as breastmilk is the BEST food, co-sleeping is the BEST thing for kids. She never says it is the best thing for parents...but that's the point. Being a parent is about sacrifices...but who better to sacrifice for than this sweet wonderful little person who is yours to raise into a BIG wonderful person.
For the money, this book is a great WHY book. I agree with other reviewers that not a whole lot of HOW is found. If you are already a co-sleeper and want something to give to your parents or in-laws to explain WHY...this is great.

We co-sleep and love it, but this book wasn't much of a help. Three in a Bed is better, and the Sears' Baby Book is best. With the latter, you're also getting a lot more for your money, since it covers all aspects of child care and illness.

I read this book and my wife checked out another book on the same issue. The single most thing that amazes my wife and me is that there is even a debate about co-sleeping. We grew up in a different culture and co-sleeping is the most common approach every parent uses in our culture. Some use a variation where they put the crib in their bedroom right next to their own bed.

Look, we can't generalize. I believe that there are 2 key variables involved in this decision. First, the sleeping "stability" of parents. If parents are not all over the bed at night, child is relatively safe. We bought a king size bed just before our daughter was born to make sure that all 3 of us had plenty of room in bed. The second variable is the child. Our daughter is very energetic and she wouldn't stay in a crib for 5 seconds if we are not around. Our next door neighbor's son, on the other hand, can sit in his stroller for all day with a pacifier in his mouth and not complain. This kid sleeps in his crib in a separate bedroom and doesn't cry at night.

Ultimately for us, it boils down to one thing - we are crazy about our girl and want to enjoy every possible moment with her. Then why in the world would we leave her in a crib by herself? That's why we believe that all parents should consider co-sleeping option because we think it's best for the child.

(Culturally, another thing that leaves us bewildered is why women don't breastfeed even when all the medical research touts its benefit to the child, including a recent Danish research that found breast-fed children to have higher IQ. But this is for another review...)

My husband and I have been married for 9 years and have 3 children ages 6, 4, and 2. Our family bed is awesome! When we make the decision to become parents it results in sacrifice on our parts for many years to come. With our first two children we used a bassinet next to our bed and then the crib in the other room. At times we would bring them to bed with us - but this was usually when nothing else would work and we were exhausted and needed sleep.

With our daughter we made a different decision from the night she was born (at home). She was in our bed. I have had more sleep since her birth than I did in the four years prior to that. And my husband and I have a more intimate relationship than ever before. And our sex life is more active, more creative, and much better now than it was prior to having kids.

One of the problems with our culture is that we have lost the ability to listen to our instinct and do what is going to be best for ourselves and our family. We have become reliant on what research shows us or what the doctor tells us is best for our family instead of following our hearts and using common sense. This includes books as well. We seem to think that someone else is the expert and when we follow their advice and things don't work out perfectly we blame the person who gave the advice instead of ourselves for the choice we made.

Prior to writing this I have read all the reviews posted to date and I hear a common theme - that sex lives suffered or intimacy was diminished because of practicing the family bed. And that many disagreed with the statements in the book regarding sleep and sexual relations. Becoming a parent involves sacrifice. And sometimes one doesn't get as much of these things as one would like. But it needs to be remembered that practicing the family bed is not to blame. As new parents loss of sleep is to be expected and most women don't feel like having sex for a couple months anyway. A marriage requires consistant and constant work and committment - as does parenting. A great sex life does not constitute a strong marriage; intimacy does, and if your own bedroom is the only place in your house that you can have sex, well that's pretty boring...

No single book can completely tackle any one given subject - I think The Family Bed is a great book, and offers some really good insight. I have recommended it to all my friends and family who were expecting.