Customer Reviews

Family Estrangements: How They Begin, How to Mend Them, How to Cope With Them

5 star:		(16)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(16)

 

 

I don't know if a reader of sample pages only is allowed to write a review, but that's all it took for me to see that this author is of no use to someone on the lookout for coping advice in my situation -- the terrific pain that results from finally having to end an abusive family relationship to save my own sanity. Le Bey starts right off by making it clear she sees family estrangements as the "down side" of the 20th century's movement toward individual rights, and characterizes sibling splits as "arguments over who got grandmother's silver."

If a writer on this subject wants to be taken seriously, her first few pages had better acknowledge that some people's family relationships, even without beatings or incest, are made hellish by forms of mental cruelty and disordered behavior that would be considered grounds for divorce (and possibly court-ordered therapy) in a marriage situation. I cut off all relations with a relative after years of bearing with such behavior, for the last seven of them insisting fruitlessly that my relative agree to try professional counseling before we met again face to face. This has been indescribably painful, and I am sure I am not the only person who has struggled for years to understand and cope with horrible behavior before deciding to separate from it. (I can only imagine what is endured by relatives of people who repeatedly tax their family relationships with criminal, addictive or similar catastrophe-creating conduct.)

I have gotten much comfort from books that help me gain perspective on the causes of the behavior I endured and I can always use advice on how to cope with the experience of having no family. What I don't need is to start reading a book on estrangement that all but accuses me and other "leavers" of being selfish on the first few pages. I hope my estranged family member never gets hold of this book -- I can hear the crows of self-vindication already.

this book can damage your family relations if you adhere to the author's advise.
do not blame others only but look at yourself too. if you do not, you could find yourself isolated very quickly.
read more than this book and get other ideas and concepts. the more i read, the clearer it became how isolated the author is in the landscape of self-help books.

I read this book the first twenty pages but threw it right away, becaus I could not stand the blaming and constant negative attitude.

The author writes with bitterness and blaming. Read between the lines. Her own conflict with the own son says more than 10000 words. But of course there is only one scapegoat in her view. Denial and blame on the victims. This book was very difficult too read, can not recommend it at all, because it does not help you, it is just a constant accusation of the others' faults.

This author has a clear agenda to paint daughter-in-laws as the masterminds behind many family estrangements. She offers absolutely no scientific research to support her charges. She doesn't examine the possibly that a mother or father in-law could be the cause of a rift and certainly never concludes that a son may WANT to leave his family. No, the DIL is blamed for forcing her husband to take sides with her against his family of origin.

Newsflash: Sons will not become estranged from their birth families if the underlying relationship with his parents is overwhelmingly healthy.

Newflash #2: Disfunctional people don't generally admit they are flawed. But the author believes without question that the mothers she interview with estranged sons did not contribute at all to the estrangement! Gee, I doubt they'd admit that they were controlling, narcissistic, alcoholic, possessive, jealous, etc.

This book is an incredibly self-serving project which may make the author feal like a martyr and give her a big thumbs up for being so brave and so forgiving. Writing a book about estrangements is a wonderful distraction from actually looking inward and reflecting on how the author herself may have contributed to her own pain. Nah, much easier blaming the daughter-in-law and pretending the family of origin was a slice of heaven on earth. No sense looking at one's own faults. Sigh.

This author does not take any responsibility. Blaming others only. No changes.... blaming and self-pity.
There are plenty of good books if your family is in troubles. NOT THIS ONE.
Recommended: Toxic Parents, Emotional Blackmail from S.Forward etc

Thank you to Barbara LeBey for adding even more stress and resentment into some already rocky relationships between mother and daughter-in-laws. What I explored in this book was a bunch of one-sided mother of son sob stories that blamed the daughter-in-laws for family breakdowns. Unfortunately, there wasn't much exploration as to why these estragements were SONS and their mothers. Also unfortunate is that my mother-in-law read this book and now has ME to blame for the years of dysfunction and denial that have plagued her family. She now has a convenient excuse to ignore the alcoholism, manipulation, conditional love and lack of communication that she raised her son in. Honestly, if we, daughter-in-laws, were such "evil puppet masters" with enough control over our husbands to make them abandon their families, don't you think we would work on the dirty socks on the floor first?!!! Why not try a James Dobson book instead?

Estrangement is on its way if you follow the advise from this book.
There are really great books if you need help with your family:

1) Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
2) If you had controlling parents by Dan Neuhardt
3) The family crubicle

and many more.

Noooo!
I did not want to read the resentiments by a real dissatisfied mother-in-law, I expected help or at least subjectivity. Not in this book. If you feel bitter and need some support, not to change, just for comfort in your bitterness, fall into the credo of the author.
There are plenty of great self-help books. This one does not belong to the prime class.

this book is one sided and that's why I can not make use of it. was looking for severe advise to handle my mother-in-law. unfortunately Lebey only describes her point of view, that daughters-in-law
1) have always the fault
2) want to control sons
and that's why the family does not work. Could not there be other perspectives in this book please!
waste of money because no advise, read the free pages here at amazon and make a choice yourself