The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out [Paperback]

Robb Forman Dew (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 16, 1995

"ASTONISHINGLY MOVING...The Family Heart is a tough and challenging work, for it reminds us that empathy is a humble but radical virtue, if lived."
--USA Today
" I'm gay.' Every day, parents around the world hear those words from their children. Most are utterly unprepared for them. By writing The Family Heart, Robb Forman Dew has done such parents an extraordinary service."
--The Washington Post Book World
"TOUCHINGLY WRITTEN."
--The Boston Globe
"At the heart of this memoir lies a true epiphany: the author's sudden, galvanizing awareness of the suicidal consequences of homophobia. It is a chilling moment, and it is described with a writer's eloquence and a mother's rage....Dew's intense imagination, combined with her ignorance of homosexuality, was as much a hindrance as a help, and it is to her credit that she has recorded the occasionally wacky assumptions and painful readjustments of her own odyssey with such care and humor."
--The New Yorker
"POETIC, HONEST."
--Fort Worth Star-Telegram
"Eloquent and absorbing...The true testament of Mrs. Dew and her husband as parents, and the most powerful moments of this inspiring memoir, occur when they come out' to their community as parents of a gay child....Though Mrs. Dew imparts a lot of self-gained wisdom in this perceptive and beautifully articulated story, in the end she realizes she has something she has always had--a strong loving family and two good sons."
--The Dallas Morning News
"AMEN FROM ANY MOTHER, EVERY MOTHER."
--Anna Quindlen
The New York Times

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Most books about parents dealing with their child's announcement of his or her homosexuality are cast as "self-help" or educational. In the absence of informed, nonjudgmental material, these books are important, but more personal stories are also important. In Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out, novelist Robb Forman Dew tells the story of what happen to her--and her family--after her son Stephen came out.

There are no melodramatic scenes, but Dew's story is breathtaking in its emotional detail and its explication of everyday life. What is daring, and surprising, about Dew's story is that the moral weight is not upon Stephen to deal with the confused reactions of his parents, but upon the parents to deal with their own mixed emotions and the negative reactions of their friends. Homophobia, not homosexuality, is the problem here. Dew's prose, like her award-winning fiction, sparkles, and the insights she offers are not simply about sexuality but about the myths and secrets we all create to "protect," "defend," and ultimately distort what a family should--and can--be. --Michael Bronski

From Publishers Weekly

In this affecting and eloquent account of the Dew family members' attempts to come to terms with the homosexuality of the elder son, who came out to his parents while a sophomore at Yale, Stephen emerges as a remarkably resilient and self-aware young man. The emphasis of the book, however, is not on him but on his parents, scrambling to reorient themselves in the wake of a revelation that uncovers prejudices these liberal, educated people did not know they had. Their movement out of bewilderment and into acceptance and activism--the Dews join a network of parents of gays and lesbians and petition for institutional support for gay and lesbian students at the prep schools their sons attended--makes for absorbing, inspiring reading. The author's husband Charles teaches history at Williams College; she is an American Book Award-winning novelist ( Dale Loves Sophie to Death ) whose fiction charts with compassion and nuance the durability of the American family. Dew's memoir complements these qualities with articulate outrage at entrenched homophobia. 40,000 first printing; first serial to Good Housekeeping; QPB selection; audio rights to Simon & Schuster.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 229 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books (May 16, 1995)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0345394089
• ISBN-13: 978-0345394088
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.1 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #871,538 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #79 in Books > Gay & Lesbian > Nonfiction > Coming Out

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An American Book Awards Winner now writes her own story, April 1, 1999

By 

Helen R. Early (Lansdale, PA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out (Paperback)

When R.F.Dew's son came home from Yale and said "I'm gay", the family changed forever. There was no change in his parents love for him, but learning to deal with homosexuality was something else again. She says angrily of Dr. Spock and his ilk, "They knew!--and they never told us." There are many "coming out" books, but this is by a professional writer--and it shows. As a PFLAG member I have bought many copies of this book--and I wish the audio tape were still available. One young gay man who was trying to come out to his parents played the tapes when he had his parents as a captive audience in his car.

15 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars AN EYE OPENER!, November 18, 2000

By 

Denise A. Campbell (Waltham, MA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out (Paperback)

Upon finding out our 18-year old son was gay, my immediate thought was terror for his safety, having come out right around the time of Matthew Shepard's murder. While reading this book and learning about Bobby and Scottie, it really dawned on me as to how hard it must have been for my son growing up knowing he was gay. I am so thankful that nothing ever happened to him and that we were able to deal with it as a family. I called my son and apologized for not addressing that issue immediately and he confirmed that it was very difficult, but he knew that we would never reject him for any reason, he just knew it would be not be easy for us and he wanted to avoid causing us any pain. I think the typical parental reaction upon hearing that their child is gay is that they will be hurt physically, the loss of a dream for their lives, and how it will affect their own lives. I'm ashamed that I didn't think about my son's feelings before my own. This book really opened my eyes. My husband I have been attending PFLAG meetings for about 10 months now and plan to continue. Initially I was there to receive help from others but now I can actually help others. I'm so glad there are people like Robb Forman Dew out there.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars required reading for *everyone*, November 5, 1998

By A Customer

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out (Paperback)

This book, while it has its drawbacks (not all of us live in an area like Williamstown or in a college community, and there are different issues that come up when you're dealing with a family/people of color and of a different class), is necessary. I think that Dew is able to flesh out, in her own way, what it is to really deal with homosexuality and homophobia -- whether it is your own, your child's, your parent's, you friends', etc., etc. Her reactions and lessons learned gave me enormous insight into my own parents' experiences of when I came out as a lesbian. I am finally able to forgive my parents and understand them better, and they me, and this has lead to a much much better relationship, and just more open, honest, loving lives for all of us. And Dew's epiphany of the suicidal consequences of homophobia, even in its most subtle and quiet forms, is invaluable and is something everyone should learn more about and be more aware of. Our lives and the lives of our families depend on it.