Customer Reviews

The Family Puzzle: Putting the Pieces Together: A Guide to Parenting the Blended Family

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While I realize that no book can be all things to all people, I, for one, was desperate for a handbook that would help guide me through the maze of step-parenthood. That's exactly what I found in this excellent book. Not only had the authors traveled the road themselves, they are professionals who know how to communicate the journey to others. Not only the mountain tops but also the valleys. And the bumps and the deepest ruts. Two years ago my new wife and I modeled our approach after this book, and I can happily say that today we are a family that brings us both real joy. (Our combined children are aged 5 - 17)

I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorced, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am 66, a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and the author of six books on wound-recovery, and high-nurturance relationships and stepfamilies.

"The Family Puzzle" has a number of good things to recommend it - and omits vital information. The authors are stepfamily veterans and human-sevice professionals, not therapists. They provide helpful anecdotes readers can relate to, and a positive can-do philosophy to help in the hard times. The provide useful legal information, and a helpful section on stepkids. However, they omit essential topics vital to every stepfamily:

1) why and how to assess and reduce co-parents' psychological wounds from a low-nurturance childhood (vs. divorce);

2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it;

3) co-parent unawareness of five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) keys to high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and (e) stepfamily realities and norms and implications;

4) little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media; and...

5) how these combine to cause typical courting co-parents to commit to the wrong people (partners, stepkids, and ex mates); for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time.

In my experience, these factors will often block the best-intentioned adults from following well-meant re/marital and co-parenting advice, as in this book. Awareness, acceptance, and discussion of these (and related) factors can reduce four of these stressors, make wise re/marital; choices, and help to achieve high-nurturance stepfamilies.

For suggestions on how to choose practical books on remarriage, co-parenting, and stepfamilies, see
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