Customer Reviews

Family Rules: Helping Stepfamilies and Single Parents Build Happy Homes

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As a new stepmother, I've read close to 20 books on stepfamilies, countless books on marriage, and quite a number on parenting. (Can you tell I'm a teacher?) This is one of my favorites, largely because it diverges from the standard "psychology and philosophy" to emphasize the nitty-gritty, practical daily realities of sharing life and household space with children, particularly children who aren't biologically your own.

Having taught 7th grade and become a pretty vocal fan of clear expectations and consequences, I found I agree with the vast majority of Ms. Lofas' "rules". She has a desperately-needed perspective that benevolent adults are supposed to be in charge of the family, and offers countless practical steps to accomplish things such as: dinnertime rituals, chores, bathroom habits, bedtime customs, manners, adults' bedroom privacy, showing gratitude, tone of voice in communication, not accepting excuses, etc.

Much of these are exactly the issues that have come up in conversation and required some resolution in our new family. (I genuinely believe this is a helpful book even for families that don't have the added layer of complexity that stepfamilies encounter.) These guidelines are designed to ensure respect, order, and healthy boundaries within families; and to develop responsible character in children. This is one of the few books that I am campaigning loudly for my husband to please read before the children come to live with us.

This is an excellant book. Jeanette Lofas, a therapist and stepmother of four stepdaughters presents the reasons and need for stepfamily guidelines. She also discusses how to apply and work on family rules in an interesting and straight forward manner. If you are having problems with household rules this book will definitely shed some light on the issue for you.

I found this book to have some great points about how parents are in charge and children should not run the household. I believe that children need and want boundaries and limits to feel safe and loved. However, I found the author's tone to be overly strict and a little oppressive for the children.

Family Rules is a how to do it manual for managing the stepfamily. Adults need guidance for dealing with the chaos that
usually ocurrs when a stpfamily is formed. Children need the security of knowing what is expected of them. This book very much helps. I recommend this book to my clients.

This is a very practical nuts & bolts book about how to structure single-parent and blended homes. The tone is a no-nonsense reminder that parents need to parent, not befriend, spoil or placate their kids. A good reminder for many of us, probably. However, the author's approach feels bossy to me. Experts rarely agree on any aspect of parenting; instead of acknowledging that, she'll just present her approach as the correct one. For example, on the fairly controversial subject of allowances, surprise, surprise: of the myriad approaches out there, the way *her* birth family administered allowances is the correct one! Another major turnoff for me was her discussion of bedtime rituals for her son, Lars. When he was between the ages of 5 and 10, she would go out (on the town, on dates, etc.,) after he went to sleep approximately three times/week. There is no mention of a baby sitter, baby monitor, or any other way to ensure his safety and security. After I read that, I had a hard time accepting this woman as an expert on *anything* I would recommend Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child as a better book that covers everything this book purports to, and much more.

I wish this book had more advice on the interactions between stepparents and the kids. With that said, I was very pleasantly surprised at the many great ideas she had to implement security, reliability, and traditions into the family. My man and I disagree quite a bit on the rules and disciplining of my son and this helped out work things out together before we enforced them.

If I had gotten ahold of this book a few years ago, it would have saved my marraige. All the things that went wrong are addressed in it. This book shows not only how to handle the day to day things that come up but also how to create an atmosphere that prevents a lot of the problems that families deal with.

I found this book to be of great help. It happens to be the first book I read on this subject. I have gained a lot of insite into the fact that I am not abonormal and that I have the same concerns as other women moving into stepparenthood. I would recommend this book for anyone who thinks they are a bad stepparent. Find out like I did that all hope is not lost. Learn how to get your house in harmony again. Gain insight on why you feel like you are fighting an up hill battle. Don't give up hope read this book!