Fantastic Orgy [Paperback]

Carlton Mellick III (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 2, 2011

Shark women, mutant cats, and strange sexually transmitted diseases.

Over the past few decades, sexually transmitted diseases have evolved in unusual ways. Herpes, AIDS, Gonorrhea; these are all STDs of the past. These days, sexually transmitted diseases are more extreme and bizarre. Not exactly diseases anymore, they are more like sexually transmitted body modifications. There's an STD that changes your hair color, an STD that causes your toes to grow larger, one causes you to grow extra breasts on your body, another causes your skin to grow long metal spikes, and there's an especially annoying STD that causes you to ejaculate miniature eyeballs.

Tonight is Share Your STD Night at the Demon Seed Swingers Club. Although most members of society fear the idea of contracting these diseases, there are some underground deviants who embrace them. They believe the diseases make them strange, unique, and beautiful. So they come together once a month to trade their wonderful STDs with each other in a surreal, fantastical orgy. However, tonight will not be like other nights. There's a new disease spreading through the sex club, a disease that causes people to become rabid bloodthirsty killing machines. As the infected rampage through the Demon Seed, the survivors realize there's only one thing they can do to survive the night: turn their grotesque STDs into deadly super weapons.

Also featuring the short stories:

Candy-Coated - A buff dude with a lollipop for a head has a hard time picking up the laydaaays due to all of the bearded truckers who keep trying to lick his head.

Ear Cat - A Kitty of the Month Club selection gone horribly wrong.

City Hobgoblins - A member of a punk rock band falls in love with a shark-like creature. (a prequel to the cult novel Satan Burger)

Porno in August - A group of porn actors find themselves floating in the middle of the ocean, unable to remember who they are or why they are there. (Chosen for The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror)

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

Praise for Carlton Mellick III

"Easily the craziest, weirdest, strangest, funniest, most obscene writer in America."
- GOTHIC MAGAZINE

"Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles... and the kinkiest fans!"
- CHRISTOPHER MOORE, author of The Stupidest Angel

"If you haven't read Mellick you're not nearly perverse enough for the twenty first century."
- JACK KETCHUM, author of The Woman and The Girl Next Door

"Carlton Mellick III is one of bizarro fiction's most talented practitioners, a virtuoso of the surreal, science fictional tale."
- CORY DOCTOROW, author of Little Brother

"Bizarre, twisted, and emotionally raw--Carlton Mellick's fiction is the literary equivalent of putting your brain in a blender."
- BRIAN KEENE, author of The Rising and Dead Sea

"Carlton Mellick III exemplifies the intelligence and wit that lurks between its lurid covers. In a genre where crude titles are an art in themselves, Mellick is a true artist."
- THE GUARDIAN

"Just as Pop had Andy Warhol and Dada Tristan Tzara, the Bizarro movement has its very own P. T. Barnum-type practitioner. He's the mutton-chopped author of such books as Electric Jesus Corpse and The Menstruating Mall, the illustrator, editor, and instructor of all things Bizarro, and his name is Carlton Mellick III."
- DETAILS MAGAZINE

Product Details

• Paperback: 136 pages
• Publisher: Eraserhead Press (September 2, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1936383802
• ISBN-13: 978-1936383801
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.3 x 8.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #879,994 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Like a real world Kilgore Trout, cult author CARLTON MELLICK III has been pumping out some of the weirdest, trashiest, most imaginative books that you'll never want to admit you secretly love.

His books are released on a quarterly basis (every January, April, July, and October).

Best known as one of the leading authors of the bizarro fiction movement in literature, he is also one of the most prolific authors of his generation with over 40 books in print since 2001. He won the Wonderland Book Award for his novel "Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland" and has had short stories make it into The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror and The Best Bizarro Fiction of the Decade.

Although many of his earliest works are on the surreal and experimental side, his current style is to take the most ridiculous concepts imaginable and approach them with complete sincerity, as if they are not intended to be ridiculous at all. Always full of tongue-in-cheek humor, social satire, and told in a simplistic straightforward prose style similar to that of children's literature or early pulp fiction, Carlton Mellick III's work is one of a kind, to say the least.

He lives in Portland, OR, the bizarro mecca.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Sweet Shards Of Gratuity For The Dimented December 17, 2011

By Allen Taylor

Format:Paperback

This is two reviews - one of Fantastic Orgy and one of Amazon.

These stories are awesome. (I wanted to say something else here, but Amazon wouldn't let me - see my review of Amazon below.)

It's easy to see why Carlton Mellick III is the leading bizarro author. His talent is incredible. These stories are not just good bizarro. They're good storytelling. Mellick's ability to draw the reader in with a good plot, interesting characters, and a well-told story would make him a hit in any genre. Bizarro lovers should feel blessed that they have him.

Fantastic Orgy is a collection of five short stories. All of them are great. My least favorite was "Ear Cat." But I don't like cats. Or it could be that I'm such a pervert that the other stories tickled my fancy more.

I laughed all the way through. Starting with "Candy Coated," a story about a buff dude with a lollipop head whose style is cramped by the truckers who keep licking him so he can't score with the ladaaaays, I was hooked. The titular story is an awesome read about characters who flock to a staged orgy so they could attract the coolest and latest STDs. There are some really bizarre STDs too.

Mellick doesn't let up. He maintains his style all the way through, keeps the writing tight, and keeps the plot on the mark. Very few wasted words. I wish I could score this a 4.7 or 4.8. It deserves more than a 4, but I'm not ready to give it a 5 because there might be something better out there.

If you like sex with sharks, talking genitals, and gross humor, then you'll get plenty of that in Fantastic Orgy - all of the stories in the collection. Plus, the author includes a set of notes after the stories. You can hear straight from Mellick's mouth how he was inspired to write craziness for the sheer wacky love of it.

This was my first - ahem - exposure to Carlton Mellick III. I'm looking for more. I'd encourage you to get your copy today - just keep it away from your sixth grader. Adult content ahead.

Amazon review: I wanted to write this review with a bit more edginess, but the bookseller's censors told me to go fly a kite. Evidently, you can't talk about vertical dancing in the vernacular even if the book is about vertical dancing in the vernacular. Amazon, that's lame.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Some of the best short stories I've ever read in my life December 13, 2011

By Vince Kramer

Format:Paperback

These are some of the best short stories Carlton Mellick III has ever written, and I'm pretty sure that Fantastic Orgy (the short story of the book that shares the same title) is my new favorite short story of all time. Like everything the writer does, it's creative and hilarious, and as the story advances, there're just layers and layers of even MORE creative and hilarious stuff piled on top of it to the max. Where Fantastic Orgy was going and where it wound up was just astounding. When you think you've just read one of the coolest things you've ever heard of in your life, something comes along in the story that tops it pretty fast, and so on. It's just amazing. I have to say it's one of the most wild and entertaining short stories you'll ever read.

And Fantastic Orgy doesn't stop there. Another short in it, called Ear Cat, is probably my new second favorite short story by the author. I LOVED this one. LOVED IT! It has a relatable indoor setting, but is set in a weird future so expect some very strange things to pop-up in it. And I mean "relatable setting" in terms of the story being about agoraphobia, a bit of obsessive compulsive disorder, and hoarding. It was really scary how much I understood what the main character was going through. Which is funny. But also scary. I'm also not a big fan of cats, so the twisted versions of these creatures, and the claustrophobic feel to the story - made for a really tense and engaging read. And like before, wait'll you see where it all leads. These 2 short stories have such killer endings they definitely make the whole thing seem much more epic in scope.

Candy-Coated is a short, ridiculous, and HILARIOUS short story set on Mill Avenue - a popular street I used to go to back in Arizona a lot. The muscle-bound idiot who thinks he's god's gift to women is definitely a type I've seen in action down there. But never with a lollipop head... being tongue-raped by truckers...

City Hobogoblins is absolutely killer, especially if you're a fan of Carlton's two older books - his masterpiece Satan Burger and the sequel, Punk Land. This short story is a prequel featuring some of the characters, their metal band, and lots of shark rape. Which I always thought was one of the funniest lines in Punk Land - "And then Mort was dragged off to be raped by sharks." That's the best thing ever. And in this, you find out where Shark Girl from Punk Land came from. This short story alone makes this a mandatory buy if you're a big Carlton Mellick III fan.

And finally, Porno in August, a short story I read a few years ago that was published in a magazine called The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror. This one wasn't new to me, but I caught some new things in it the second time around. It's probably the weirdest story in the book. There's also another shark rape scene in this one, but that doesn't mean the whole book is full of people being raped by sharks. C'mon, it's only like mentioned twice. Three or four times maybe. And it's the most awesome thing ever anyways, so if shark rape is another thing you're looking for then this book is for you.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Bits and Pieces from all over.... December 13, 2011

By Raen

Format:Paperback

Fantastic Orgy by CM3 consists of several short stories that run along side the title story. While CM3 captured perfectly how I view the overly macho type guys in his Candy Coated, I still find myself more addicted to the story Ear Cat, perhaps it is my own tendency to lean towards agoraphobia, but I could truly envision a world which would require an Ear Cat and kudos to CM3 for having the vision to send this strange species to Irene to keep her company in the world of her own home. You see, Irene and 94% of the population is severely agoraphobic, so they need their cats.

Fantastic Orgy is a great statement in and of itself. STDs have become "cool" and people trade them. But what happens when a bad one goes rampant inside a sex club? The "hero" in this short story just wanted to contract the vibrator STD to make his girlfriend happy and landed himself in an entire world of trouble, and possibly more STDs than one person can handle.

City Hobgoblins is a great little prequel to Satan Burger, and with Satan Burger being the first Bizarro book I'd ever read, this one felt a little like home to me. There's also a cameo of Shark Girl from Punk Land in this story, if you enjoyed Punk Land and/or Satan Burger, this book is worth picking up just for this short.

I found myself not entirely enthralled with Porno in August, it seemed as though something was lacking, or perhaps it is my personal need to not feel confused, and this story left me feeling a bit light headed, as though I've just forgotten something...something that I'm sure I should remember, like how did I get to my desk? Or when did I start typing this review...