Customer Reviews

The Fantasy Bond : Structure of Psychological Defenses

5 star:		(15)
4 star:		(1)
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I have been in recovery due to severe childhood abuse and addiction. I have a B.A. in Psychology. I have read many self-help books and psychology texts, and this is the best there is! If I had highlighted text that was important to me, the whole book would be yellow! Every sentence is replete with meaning. This book helped me tremendously. I recommend this book for anyone interested in introspection and personal growth.

many books of this nature havebeen revelations for me. however, this is THE one! if i hadto choose for you one book thatsays it all it is this one. thisis the one that through aprocess of reading, digesting andapplication will transform you.this is truly life changing stuff!first time through my mouth wasagape most of the time. virtuallyevery line was a light bulb experience.thank you dr. firestone!!!

This excellent book has changed my life, helping me to become a happier person and putting me on the road to my first good relationship. As I was reading it, I would come to new chapters and say, "well this certainly doesn't apply to me" (e.g. "Idealization of the Family"), but I quickly learned that those chapters did indeed apply. I now refer to it as my Bible because I so often talk about it to my friends and encourage them to read it. The section on Theoretcial Issues is probably too academic for most readers, and I am skeptical about how much schizophrenics can really be helped by these techniques. But I think the general population would be greatly helped by the ideas in the book.

Some books never grow old. Such is the case with this gem. Dr. Firestone cuts to the quick. I know of no other book that unleashes psychology with such subtle power and persuasion. The greatest tribute I can give Dr. Firestone is to put him in the class of Karen Horney. Both had the ability to humanize their subject matter such that we mere mortals can not only understand them, but realize their great elegance of expression.

If you only buy one book in your lifetime in this field, please do yourself a real favor. Buy, read, and cherish this text. This is the real deal, boys and girls. Get over your searching for parental substitutes, read this book and be FREE. This book has the stuff to be a perennial best seller. Forget the pop psychologists, the hashed over clan, and buy into ol' Bob.

I have read them all. Firestone combines the best of the past, with the real world of the present. Firestone lives!!

Due to my interpersonal problems and fear of intimacy (I also have firestone's book on this), I decided to pick this book up. I have a B.A. in psychology and I have read many self-help books but this is, by far, the most influencial and helpful!

Topics such as withholding, the fantasy bond, voice therapy, resistance to change, death anxiety, feeling sad by seeing children happy and innocent were all so insightful!

I could relate to almost all the experiences Firestone depicted and explained. I never understood why I didn't want to be sexually involved with my loved one but after reading about withholding, I understood why! It makes perfect sense and this book is also relieving. It makes me feel better to know there are simple and compassionate causes for my dysfunctions and difficulties getting close to others.

This book is for everyone but especially for those who:

*Fear intimacy and closeness
*trouble feeling or engaging in sexual acts
*self-hatred
*inner critic
*inability to give and take
*Discomfort in family situations

This book will help you face the truth about life and your family and your self. For those able to go there, It will show you how you are isolating yourself from life with your defense mechanisms. It will thoroughly explain concepts that are important for you to understand if you want to feel alive again. You don't really have to do anything except really understand what is being explained to you and after some chapters which will certainly call up some anxiety you will start to feel the fog lift. I am seeing the way I see myself differently and I feel better. I highly recommend this book.

This book has helped me to recognize bonds that I thought existed, but which really existed only in my imagination. It has also helped me to realize that I was the one who expected people to behave a certain way, based not on who they were, but on templates that I'd accepted as truth in my formative years: mothers were supposed to bake cookies and love you -- but mine didn't. Daddies were supposed to love you, and if you never saw them it was because something monumental was keeping them away -- except when they stayed away due to their own selfishness. And so on.

I could only read one chapter at a time, if that much. It caused a lot of disturbance in my heart, but ultimately it has been very helpful. It's sad to let go of those fantasies, but I wasn't able to even start healing from an abusive childhood until I could recognize the difference between what things "should have been" and what they were. It hurts, all right, but I'm better. And now I'm happier.

Be forewarned, this is a textbook, not some easy-reading self-help book. The book explains that we erect defenses in relationships because of our mother, self-hate, and fear of death. It also explains how those defenses manifest themselves and how they are damaging to meaningful living. The book also relates how duality (saying one thing when we mean another) is damaging, in both adult relationships and with our children. There is a lot of explanation and insight here, but not a lot of direction for solving the problem.

This book "The Fantasy Bond" broke through my life long problems. It showed me what my problem was, and how to break free from it. My problem all my life was not understanding how to allow others to give me love, to "nourish" me. By me "feeding" myself I was always "full" of "fake" food by way of TV, travel, food, internet, etc..... This book showed me that my parent never fed me, so I've always fed myself. In order for others to feed me I have to stop "feeding myself" and allow others to do what was never done for me as an infant. Then as I grow through the stages of development, I'll be able to give to others as well as receive from others in a mature way. This book changed my life. I highly recommend it.

I rarely write reviews, but I feel so strongly about this book that I decided to write one here.

This book is, without exaggeration, changing my life. I am in therapy, and bringing insights from this book into my sessions helped IMMENSELY. My therapist often comments that I have a grasp on insights that take others many years to get to, and this book has been central in this. I've begun to recognize my childhood issues, reasons for my relationship patterns, and in general the core issues that have kept me depressed for as long as I have been alive.

I have to say, though, that it took me FIVE YEARS to be able to even begin understanding this book. It's not a self-help book and it is not an easy read. There is absolutely zero sugar-coating of anything -- just straight concepts and pure insight. But once I was ready, boy did it just ring every bell out there! It's honestly helping me get right to the core of my neuroses -- and with the help of my therapist, to actually work on them rather than trying to stumble onto them through trial and error.

It takes WORK -- I have to read the book in small bites, then type out some of the more important passages and journal about them. But it's worth it. I've read probably over a 100 self-help and psychology books, most of which made me think a bit and maybe gain some insight, but not much more. Now I have read one that's actually HELPING ME CHANGE.