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Fat Vampire: A Never-Coming-of-Age Story [Kindle Edition]

Adam Rex
3.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (53 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $8.99
Kindle Price: $5.69
You Save: $3.30 (37%)
Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers

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Book Description

Doug Lee is undead quite by accident—attacked by a desperate vampire, he finds himself cursed with being fat and fifteen forever. When he has no luck finding some goth chick with a vampire fetish, he resorts to sucking the blood of cows under cover of the night. But it's just not the same.

Then he meets the new Indian exchange student and falls for her—hard. Yeah, he wants to bite her, but he also wants to prove himself to her. But like the laws of life, love, and high school, the laws of vampire existence are complicated—it's not as easy as studying Dracula. Especially when the star of Vampire Hunters is hot on your trail in an attempt to boost ratings. . . .

Searing, hilarious, and always unexpected, Fat Vampire is a satirical tour de force from one of the most original writers of fiction today.

Editorial Reviews Review

Amazon Best Books of the Month, July 2010: Both fans and foes of the ever-expanding genre of vampire novels will get sucked into this hysterical send-up of those angst-filled, vampire-meets-girl high school dramas. Doug "Meatball" Lee is no Edward, he's just a 15-year-old dork trying to land a date with a real live girl, any girl. But when you're a weight-challenged, newbie vampire, finding a Bella to call your very own presents some real challenges. The multi-talented author Adam Rex uses offbeat humor and outrageous scenarios to position this underdog for paranormal greatness. --Lauren Nemroff

From School Library Journal

Grade 10 Up Unlike most vampires who are drop-dead gorgeous, sexy, and irresistible, Doug is the exact opposite. Overweight, unpopular, and dorky, he seals his fate by being in the wrong place at the wrong time and as a result was attacked by a starving, newly made vampire. Now he must spend the rest of his immortal life as an unattractive 15-year-old, feeding off cows to satisfy his need for blood. With the support of some local vampire guardians and his friend Jay, the teen must now learn how to live life as a vampire. If events aren't complicated enough, he falls for the new girl at school, and has the star of the TV show Vampire Hunters hot on his trail, trying to expose him to the world. Rex's story falls flat. The back-and-forth narration between Doug and Sejal is confusing and slows down the plot. There are some promising moments, funny scenes, and intriguing themes that unfortunately just don't pan out. Donna Rosenblum, Floral Park Memorial High School, NY
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product Details

  • File Size: 377 KB
  • Print Length: 340 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0061920908
  • Publisher: Balzer + Bray; Reprint edition (July 27, 2010)
  • Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B003P2WAHG
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #511,476 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
33 of 39 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Reading with Tequila July 27, 2010
It was refreshing to read about a vampire that wasn't physically perfect. All too often, the people who are turned into vampires already possess unearthly beauty. The only outside flaws they exhibit result from some horrific torture years after becoming vampires. In Fat Vampire, Doug is an outcast, overweight teen. When he is turned, nothing changes. He faces being unattractive forever. Seeing a vampire character deal with this type of reality was definitely intriguing.

Unfortunately, Doug has a very repellent personality. He's extremely hard to care about. At first he seems too nice to be able to survive as a vampire, but slightly farther into the book we see that the niceness is a front for his insecurity. As he becomes more self-confident, he becomes more on an obnoxious, self-important jerk.

Senjal, an exchange student that Doug finds himself attracted to, has the Google - something like an addiction to the internet. A vampire hunter reality TV show starts hunting Doug. He's let into San Diego Comic-Con early because the sunlight is making him sick, which is taken as a normal occurrence because the security people believe anyone who would attend Comic-Con would be sickly and not go out in the daylight much. Many small but wonderfully quirky little ideas helped the book along.

I truly wanted to love Fat Vampire. I love the cover, I love the premise and the writing was very good. The book just didn't work for me. Nothing clicked. I could not care what happened to any of the characters in the book. Doug was so deeply unlikeable that the character himself brought the rest of the book down for me.
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12 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Flat out hilarious August 6, 2010
With Fat Vampire, Adam Rex has created a novel that sends up everything from reality tv, the internet, high school, geeks, pop culture, east west relations, oh and of course...vampires. Did I also mention that this book is laugh out loud funny? I've read plenty of books that made me smirk, chuckle, or think "man, I want to remember that joke so I can use it later", but it's been quite some time since I read a book that made me laugh out loud in the waiting room at the doctor's office.

I thought Doug was a great character with an authentic teen voice. In the beginning of the book, his insecurity and sense of humour made him kind of endearing. His relationship with his best bud Jay was funny and only added to the book's charm. It made a great counterpoint to what happens later as Doug starts to lose himself to his vampire nature and Jay starts to discover himself apart from Doug.

All of the secondary characters are well developed as well, especially Sejal who is suffering from her own identity crisis. She suffers from the dreaded google affliction and recognizes in Doug a kindred spirit who is not kind, but who wants to be (if it just wasn't for that pesky vampire issue). This author has a great gift for dialogue that was on full display. The rapid fire back and forth between all of these characters was so entertaining it sometimes masked the fact that the story meanders quite a bit, especially in the middle.

While the story never reaches the point of being compelling, I still give it 5 stars because it was just so entertaining. The humour reminded me a bit of Libba Bray's recent Going Bovine and I think they will find some of the same fans. The ending was unique and unexpected and though I think it will annoy some people, I thought it was brilliant.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Such high hopes... March 22, 2011
Like many others that gave this a poor review, I felt that this book had AMAZING potential. I've been to SDCC, I know members of the 501st, and like many girls in their teens to twenties, I've read the Twilight series and have a love/hate relationship with it.

I picked this book up at a used bookstore. I read the first half in one sitting and thought it was going great. The second half of the book felt so rushed, like an editor had slashed 200+ pages out and rewritten the end for the author of the first half without ever speaking. The final few chapters had me asking what the heck was going on, and wondering if I'd missed a few pages. The motivations and emotions of the characters suddenly turned 180 degrees and random plot lines were started and ended without reason. Half-way into the book I also was questioning, like many others, the whole point of Senjal's character. Reading from her perspective was interesting, but in the end, I didn't like her or any of the other characters.

Also, starting the book with an ending death scene? Really? Maybe it's a play on Twilight, but Stephanie Meyer should not be anyone's writing inspiration.
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12 of 15 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Fallacious Fat September 7, 2010
This book has a brilliant premise for the first half of the book but then it kind of throws that right out the window towards the end and the main character becomes unlikeable.

This book was really kind of disappointing. I was drawn in by the cover and the synopsis. I was the first person to even request it from the library.

Ok, first the premise, Doug is fifteen and now a vampire but he wasn't good looking when he became a vampire hence the title Fat Vampire. The only other person he tells about being a vampire is his best friend Jay. The have some very funny escapades in the beginning of the book that involve going to Comic Con and a blood mobile. Doug usually gets his blood from cows but they have quite the trip to the zoo that involves a panda mom, a baby panda, and a video camera. Doug escapes but is seen on tape by the camera.

Then comes in the other very entertaining part of this book, the Vampire Hunters TV show. The host of this show is seen as being pretty much certifiable by his staff. All they usually do is track down European guys with bad accents and lately have shows of them shooting dummies with stake guns. Then they see a video and he's sure that there is a real vampire out there aka Doug.

There is humor to be found in this book, the beginning is chock full of funny. My favorite part is when Doug is trying to transform into a bat but gets stuck halfway thus looking pretty horrifying. Another great part is the story that Doug tells and the true story about who actually made Doug a vampire.

The love interest of the book, Sejal, seems like she is going to fit well into the book but she just doesn't. She has the Google, which is portrayed like severe internet addiction.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
2.0 out of 5 stars Strong start, obnoxious middle & end
I was excited to get into this one because I LOVE parody and satire novels and this is exactly the kind of thing I love to read this time of year. Read more
Published 9 days ago by BusyReading
3.0 out of 5 stars Pretty Good
Very interesting read. I gave it three stars just because the main character is not a terribly likable one, but that may not bother other people as much. Read more
Published 12 days ago by lightninglesley
3.0 out of 5 stars The horror was lacking
The horror was lacking, but there were some well defined characters. Not what I thought it was, but it was a quick read.
Published 5 months ago by ScottMu630
5.0 out of 5 stars Entertaining :)
This was a great book. At first I thought it was going to be really stupid but no it was great. I loved it it was very entertaining.
Published 8 months ago by DEZ
2.0 out of 5 stars Starts promising, falls apart and goes downhill
Like the other readers, I was intrigued by the premise, and indeed the beginning is pretty good. You feel for the main character, like his friends, it's a great set up. Then... Read more
Published 8 months ago by L. Jensen
2.0 out of 5 stars Really wanted to like this book.
I am so disappointed with this book! More than the first half was great and funny, but like many others said, the last few chapters just felt like the writer rushed and wanted it... Read more
Published 12 months ago by Megan
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious.
It's fun and a completely new take on " vampire books" Here's a teenager who is stuck in a fat kids body when he becomes a vampire. I loved it.
Published 13 months ago by Alice Adamson
3.0 out of 5 stars A twist on your basic vampire love story
What I like about this book is the vampires aren't all goth and cool and skinny but they have an awkward high school life. Read more
Published 15 months ago by Kelsey
1.0 out of 5 stars 1 out of 5
When I first found this book I was very interested. I, like many people, feel the over-saturation of vampire media needs to be taken down a peg, so seeing a novel that makes fun of... Read more
Published 17 months ago by Michael Loring
2.0 out of 5 stars Fat Vampire review
I liked the idea of Fat Vampire. A realistic account of an average kid getting turned into a vampire, as apposed to most vamp stories with moodiness and angst. Read more
Published 17 months ago by Kathy L.
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More About the Author

Adam Rex grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, the middle of three children. He now lives in Tucson with his physicist wife Marie.
His picture book FRANKENSTEIN MAKES A SANDWICH, a collection of stories about monsters and their problems, was a New York Times Bestseller. 2007 saw the release of his first novel, THE TRUE MEANING OF SMEKDAY.
Garlic and crosses are useless against Adam. Sunlight has been shown to be at least moderately effective. A silver bullet does the trick. Pretty much any bullet, really.

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