Father and Child Reunion: How to Bring the Dads We Need to the Children We Love [Hardcover]

Warren Farrell (Author)

Book Description

Release date: January 8, 2001

Based on thirteen years of research, "FATHER AND CHILD REUNION: How To Bring The Dads We Need To The Children We Love" will force a re-examination of the circumstances in which a dad or a mom is best for children. For starters, some findings on children with single parents ….

• Children do better with single fathers than with single mothers. Both boys and girls are healthier and do better psychologically and academically, as well as socially.

• Even characteristics such as empathy are exhibited more by children brought up by single fathers.

• Single fathers experience less stress juggling children and work than do single mothers.

What family structures are most likely to be in the child’s best interests? Dr. Farrell’s findings suggest the following ranking:

(1) the intact family;
(2) shared parent-time (joint physical custody);
(3) primary father time;
(4) primary mother time.

While the intact family is the winner, Father and Child Reunion makes it clear why, if divorce cannot be prevented, children being primarily with their dads gives children more of both parents than when they are primarily with their mothers; reduces a mother’s economic dependency on a man, and reduces men’s ten times greater suicide rate after divorce.

Does Dr. Farrell conclude, then, that men are better at fathering than women are at mothering? No. But he does conclude that we have been waging a "War Against Fathers" – and mothers and children are among the losers.

Father and Child Reunion answers questions relevant to every family.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Like his earlier Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say, Farrell's latest book will evoke strong responses with its polemically argued thesis: that fathers are often missing from the family equation and that this is to the detriment of both children and mothers. His research shows, for instance, that children with involved fathers score better on academic and social competence measures as well as on physical and psychological health tests. Issues like child support, visitation, and the female domination of legal proceedings are critiqued and shown to be frequently unfair to men. Unfortunately, Farrell's intensely pro-male tone pits men against women and obscures otherwise thought-provoking comments. In addition, the style is often overly dramatic, e.g., the author asserts that the denial of father-time is "one of the most documentable forms of child abuse." For a positive, supportive title, try Divorced Dad's Survival Book: How To Stay Connected with Your Kids (Perseus, 2000. reprint). For only the largest public and academic libraries. Douglas C. Lord, Hartford P.L., CT
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"I come away from this book inspired to be a more involved dad, with deeper understanding . . . helpful to my children." -- v Jack Canfield. Co-author, Chicken Soup for the Parent's Soul

"It will inspire and persuade dads to become more involved with their children -- benefit to kids, to moms as well." -- John Gray. Author, Men are From Mars; Women Are From Venus

"Of Farrell's books, Father and Child Reunion is his best. . . Its insights are a gift to men and women." -- Kyle D. Pruett, M.D. Professor of Child Psychiatry, Yale University School of Medicine

The author is a man well-known for his evenhandedness with both sexes. -- Susan Deitz, Los Angeles Times Syndicate

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Tarcher (January 8, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1585420751
• ISBN-13: 978-1585420759
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (51 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #933,733 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Warren Farrell began his research on gender issues in the '60s. His first book, The Liberated Man, was published in 1974. It was from the women's perspective and the feminist perspective. By the '80s, he began noticing that men were feeling misrepresented, and his award-winning national best-seller, Why Men Are The Way They Are, was written to answer women's questions about men in a way that rings true for men. The New York Post calls it "the most important book ever written about love, sex, and intimacy."

By the '90s, Dr. Farrell felt the misunderstandings about men had deepened and become dangerous to the survival of families and love. He confronted the misunderstandings head-on with the award-winning The Myth of Male Power, a book the The Library Journal ranked as "better than Robert Bly's Iron John or any of Betty Freidan's works." (His books are published in over 50 countries in 15 languages.)

By the turn of the century Dr. Farrell wanted to provide the sexes with the tools to communicate-- in particular to hear personal criticism from a loved one, especially when given badly. That was the take-off point for Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say, a selection of the Book-of-the-Month Club. By 2001 Dr. Farrell completed research he had been working on for 13 years on the conditions under which children of divorce are most likely to be raised successfully. That book, Father and Child Reunion, has renewed the commitment of many dads to be with their children, and its research has helped judges understand the importance of dads.

Dr. Farrell's most recent research is published as Why Men Earn More: The Startling Truth Behind the Pay Gap -- and What Women Can Do About It. It documents the 25 differences between men and women's work-life decisions. It was chosen by U.S. News and World Report as one of the top four "great career books to be read in 2006."

Warren has appeared on over 1000 TV and radio shows, and been interviewed frequently by Oprah and Barbara, and by Larry King and Peter Jennings. He has been featured repeatedly on 20/20 and in The New York Times, in People and on Real People, in men's journals and The Wall Street Journal, and on the Today Show, the Tomorrow Show, and even To Tell The Truth.

Warren Farrell's understanding of both sexes is symbolized by his being, on the one hand, on the boards of four national men's organizations, and on the other hand, being the only man in the US to be elected three times to the Board of Directors of the National Organization for Women in New York City. Similarly, he has started over 600 men's and women's groups, and over 200,000 women and men have attended his workshops worldwide. He is the only person chosen to speak at both of former California Governor Wilson's 1995 conferences - his Conference on Men and his Conference on Women.

President Johnson chose Dr. Farrell as one of the outstanding young educators in the United States. (The man's been around for awhile!) He has taught political science, psychology, women's studies and sociology, and most recently taught at the School of Medicine at the University of California at San Diego. Dr. Farrell has been chosen by the International Biographic Centre of London as one of the World's 2000 Outstanding Scholars of the 20th Century and, in quite a different take, chosen by the Financial Times as one of the worlds top 100 Thought Leaders. He has also been selected by the Center for World Spirituality as one of the world's spiritual leaders.

Dr. Farrell is in Who's Who in America and Who's Who in the World, but his best moments are at home. He has two daughters and lives with his wife in Mill Valley, California, and virtually at www.warrenfarrell.com.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

25 of 26 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars The father's bible December 28, 2000

By erin pizzey

Format:Hardcover

Thirty years ago I opened the first refuge (shelter) in the world for battered women and their children. I was aware from the beginning that there was a huge injustice being done to men. Domestic violence is not a gender issue. Violence is a learned pattern of behavior from early childhood. Governments, courts, social workers, probation officers turned their backs on the vital need for children to be loved by both their mothers and their fathers. I have just finished reading Father and Child Reunion and I am breathless with admiration for Warren Farrell's love and compassion for parents. I have always followed his work and his writings but this time he has surpassed himself and written 'the bible of fatherhood.' In very simple easily understood sentences, Warren Farrell manages to turn the often difficult and complicated concept into lucid prose. Farrell understands the human condition is fallable and woefully human but he does not pull his punches when he describes the last thirty years of destruction meted out to fathers and men in geneneral. This book should be made widely available to all markets. Anyone who loves children and wants to build a better world for them, should read this book and then send copies to their friends. Erin Pizzey

24 of 26 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Bring Back The Fathers: Kids Need Dads December 5, 2000

By Bought Copies for My Three Daughters

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

I had the privilege of reading a pre-publication copy of this book and I can't wait until January to talk about it. Warren Farrell has written many books about how to bring men and women together by ending gender warfare but this time he shows how the children are damaged by the warfare and demonstrates the need for all of us to work together to bring fathers back into the lives of children. Whether it is the runaway Dad who needs to be coaxed back into fatherhood or the disconnected Dad who is too busy for the kids or the pushed-away Dad who has been victimized by an unfairly restrictive custody order, Farrell marshalls the proof that Dads are needed for the well-being of their children and for the future of our society. Based on thirteen years of intensive research, Farrell presents mountains of information on the importance of Dads, all of it cross-referenced to the original sources and scientific studies. As a true gender equality advocate (three time member of the N.Y. National Organization for Women Board of Directors and the leader of gender equality training workshops for thousands of men and women), Farrell demonstrates the benefits of increased father involvement for women, for children and for the men themselves. Everybody gains from helping men to be good Dads and from giving them the opportunity to do so. Sure, there are pathological extremes among Dads as in any large group but Farrell shows that most Dads are just ordinary guys who love their kids and who want to be an active part of their lives.... Anyone who cares about family health and well-being needs to read this book to better understand the children's need for a father-friendly social environment Most importantly, this book needs to be read by every father to better understand the potential for his contribution to his children and by every mother who wants the best for her children. Mothers and fathers working together for the benefit of their children is best for all of us. It's as simple as recognizing that two is more than one with Farrell showing us just how much more and how to overcome the difficulties of bringing one and one together to make two for the benefit of the children. Buy this book. Read this book. Give copies to everybody you know. It's that important. Read more ›

16 of 17 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for every father, mother and ex-wife! January 27, 2001

By Lindsay Kenny

Format:Hardcover

This is the fourth book of Dr. Farrell's that I've read and loved. "Father and Child Reunion", in my opinion, is his best and arguably his most important. From the introduction to the last page, it's full of eye opening revelations and fascinating stories about the incredible influence and importance of fathers to our children. As a woman, I've always taken for granted that mothers were the most "essential" parent. Otherwise, why would courts so often award moms custody, even when the father seemed to be the more responsible parent? Dr. Farrell thoroughly documents astounding statistics about how children raised without dads are, among other things, more likely to wet the bed, have poorer grades, join gangs, run away from home, stutter, drop out of school, develop emotional problems, wind up in jail, and much more. Reading this book made me realize and appreciate the critical role fathers play in the lives of today's children and tomorrow's leaders. The parenting lessons, from the different perspective of "Father and Child Reunion" can't help but make every mother (even those who despise their ex-husbands,) appreciate the profound impact and necessary balance dads bring to the upbringing of their children. Additionally, Dr. Farrell illuminates creative ways for "shared parenting" when a dual-parent household is not possible. Without diminishing the importance and value of mothers, this book will help fathers acknowledge and be proud of the crucial contribution they make to their offspring that goes far beyond the content of their wallets or donation of DNA. All that and it's as interesting and fun to read as a novel.

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful book by Dr. Farrell April 9, 2001

By "frtc"

Format:Hardcover

"Father and Child Reunion", by Warren Farrell, Ph.D., is an outstanding book, packed full of insightful statistics, examples, and citations. The direct way in which Farrell cuts to the heart of complex problems is inspiring.

Although "Father and Child Reunion" is not intended to be a reference book, it could easily serve as one. The book is meticulously researched, with almost five hundred footnotes. Dr. Farrell has carefully documented his subject in great detail, with a voluminous amount of supporting data.

It should be stressed, however, that this is not one of those dreary tomes that one has to wade through, fighting off sleep while searching for the 'good stuff'. On the contrary, it is a thoroughly enjoyable book that moves right along with the aid of a great deal of interesting material gathered by Farrell. The 'good stuff' isn't hidden; it jumps out at you from nearly every paragraph.

Farrell provides a number of illuminating explanations for some of the most common (and persistent) misconceptions regarding divorce, custody, and fatherhood. His careful dissection of the issues leaves little to chance- every facet is closely examined and laid bare.

Step-by-step, Farrell shows how fathers can be systematically removed from their children's lives, through the 'well-meaning' efforts of courts, social perceptions, and government offices. These things provide the tools, motives, and methods that permit fathers to be treated as second-class citizens in divorce and custody matters.

Farrell touches on a key point, something called the "presumption of perversion". This is a recent social attitude wherein all men are viewed with suspicion, and are thought not to be trusted around children because of their (presumed) proclivity to molest.... Farrell states it succinctly when he says that in the space of a decade or two, we've gone from "Father Knows Best" to "Father Molests". This unconscious social misperception contributes to (and may well indeed be responsible for) many of the current prevailing anti-father attitudes in society.

Farrell also skillfully explains what appear to be some contradictory statements. For example, he shows beyond a shadow of a doubt that children fare better when they live with single fathers than they do when they live with single mothers, yet he also states that fathers aren't better parents than mothers. How can this be? Farrell explains how both of these statements are true, and why they are, in fact, not contradictory.

Warren Farrell discusses sex abuse charges in a way that makes some seemingly incomprehensible incidents understandable. Farrell gives a credible explanation of what likely causes a certain number of the spurious charges of abuse that appear during divorce situations, charges that have no foundation in truth.

"Father and Child Reunion" is a book that should be required reading for every judge, GAL, evaluator, attorney, and social worker. The insights and knowledge gained would be invaluable, and would without a doubt change the way justice is dispensed in family court.

Erin Pizzey, who opened the first shelter in the world for battered women, comments on Farrell's book, saying "this time he has surpassed himself and written 'the bible of fatherhood.'" We agree. Simply put, "Father and Child Reunion" is a 'must read'... Read more ›