Father Figures: Three Wise Men Who Changed a Life [Hardcover]

Kevin J. Sweeney (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 6, 2003

The remarkable account of a boy's secret plan to find and emulate three men, a trio of hand-picked father figures, after his own father dies.

Kevin Sweeney was three years old when his father died, and only vaguely aware of his family's circumstances. His mother, thirty-four and nearly penniless, would not speak of the loss to her six children, and they, mindful of her fragility, hid their grief. But five years later, Sweeney quietly selected three men from his community to be his role models. Seized by the notion that he would be a father one day, he carefully planned his education.

None of Sweeney's father figures knew of their surrogacy, even though Sweeney was often on the periphery of their lives. He basked in the attention they occasionally lavished on him at parties or basketball games. Haunted by his own anger, guilt, jealousy, and sadness, Sweeney found relief and inspiration in the men, and in the tight-knit suburb where his family lived. He enjoyed long days of exhilarating normalcy -- learning to hit curveballs, roving on Sting-Ray bikes, and concocting explosives with neighborhood compatriots.

Kevin Sweeney's memoir recalls a childhood of private longing in a community of almost otherworldly simplicity, a place where every neighborhood girl received a curbside ovation on her way to the prom. It is the story of a boy and the three men he wanted to be like when he grew up, men who would pull him, a son at last, to the safety of young adulthood. And it is a story of resiliency, with lessons for all of us about the needs of children, the gift of community, and the nature of fatherhood.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

When environmental consultant Sweeney, who was three when his father died of heart failure, turned eight, he chose three men who were friends of his family to serve as stand-ins. At the time, the men didn't know the role Sweeney had picked for them, but they wound up teaching him invaluable lessons over the course of his life. Part memoir, part tribute and part guide for those who have lost a parent, this book (which is based on a Salon.com article Sweeney wrote shortly after September 11) is a thoughtful, touching and realistic look at how children cope with loss. "I did not feel fatherless," Sweeney writes, "not exactly, even though my mother never remarried. I had a strategy for coping. I was a kid with a plan." In spare, unadorned prose studded with touching details, Sweeney relates what it was like to lean on, and learn from, the men around him as he charted his own path to adulthood. The book is a testament of children's strength and resilience in the face of loss.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

The author was three-and-one-half years old when his father died of congestive heart failure at the age of 38. When he was eight, and faced with growing up without a father, Sweeney came up with a plan: he would choose three men who were close to the family, fathers themselves, and he would watch them, learn from them. They were, although they may not have known it, fathers by proxy. Although coming-of-age memoirs are hardly in short supply, this one stands out from the pack by adding a new twist on an old theme. We all base part of ourselves on other people, but few of us do it quite so consciously; Sweeney set out to learn, from these three fathers, how to be a man. We watch him grow up, watch how he fashions himself into a young man, and later a young adult, with the (unknowing) assistance of these three men he has selected to guide him into maturity. This is a remarkable story of family, love, loss, and resilience. David Pitt
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 208 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow; 1 edition (May 6, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060511923
• ISBN-13: 978-0060511920
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.8 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.3 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,903,587 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Wisdom of a Fatherless Boy, May 16, 2003

By 

D Keefe (Montclair, New Jersey) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Father Figures: Three Wise Men Who Changed a Life (Hardcover)

Following the devastation of September 11, 2001, the author of the remarkable new memoir, "Father Figures," wrote an online essay to remind Americans of one of the grim realities of that day: the thousands of children who were suddenly left without a parent, and what others could do to help these kids as they made their way from grief to growing up. The response felt by many to that first essay led to the writing of "Father Figures."

Kevin Sweeney knows an unfair amount about this sad subect. His own father passed away when he was three, leaving a loving but now nearly destitute mother to raise six children alone.

The Sweeneys, without a father, husband, provider, faced a grim challenge, but the young boy named Kevin was determined to work his way through the loss.

Each child who loses a parent must inevitably come to terms in his own way, but Sweeney, by some quirky inspiration that only an innocent youth could summon, came up with a novel solution. He would adopt a father; in fact, three. Secretly. Without their knowing it.

His plan was simple: without a father of his own to guide him, he knew something was missing, so to fill in the chasm he would select the best, the wisest men in his small world, watch them, learn from them, but never tell. And bask in their glow when he was brought into their gentle orbits.

His powers of observation as a child serve him well as an adult. Sweeney has rendered wonderfully a world that is so quaintly American, so hopeful, that one wishes to step back into it, if only for a sweet neighborhood picnic, or a summer pick-up baseball game with the kids. A time when an entire suburban block came out to cheer the neighbor girls on their way to the prom. That was all in the outdoor world of youth. Inside was a different story.

They were tough times growing up, and Sweeney brings alive an almost Dickensian tale of the private sacrifices his family endured for years after his father died. Nor does he pull punches when, growing up, he begins to discover some of the flaws of hiw own beloved dad. Refreshingly, Sweeney tells this story without a hint of bitterness. The optimism of a boy who is determined to survive and flourish is alive and well in the grown-up who set out to record his past.

Sweeney has done a remarkable job in showing us how a child navigates, poorly at times, the shifting tides of growing up, the yearnings and fears and disappointments. But also the joys and thrills of the little victories, like learning to hit a curve ball. He is funny, honest and blunt and does not spare even himself from his critical eye, not even when it comes to reliving those inexorably dumb decisions adolescent boys seem driven to make.

Above all, he is a gracious and grateful memoirist, and that spirit rubs off on his readers. He is grateful for these three remarkable men and how they, chosen secretly by a bright, fatherless boy, helped him steer his way. It is a wonderful tribute to them, surrogate fathers who deserve a pat on the back from all of us who read Sweeney's memoir.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars wonderful memoir, May 7, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Father Figures: Three Wise Men Who Changed a Life (Hardcover)

This account of a young man's search for someone to teach him the lessons and values that his dead father could not is a beautifully written, thoughtful book. His style of writing is straightforward and candid, as the struggles of his large, financially-strapped family are detailed. Especially well-drawn are the three men he chooses as father figures, and his strong yet vulnerable mother. It would make a good book to give to a man who may have served this function in your life, or someone in need of a father figure.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Catholic Childhood, June 6, 2003

By 

Nora Gallagher (Santa Barbara, CA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Father Figures: Three Wise Men Who Changed a Life (Hardcover)

Kevin Sweeney has created a whole world in Father Figures, giving us not only a strong portrait of what it is like to grow up without a father, but also of a modern Catholic childhood. His writing and insights are strong and often simply beautiful. He's a wonderful story teller and will keep any reader turning pages long into the night.