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Father Joe: The Man Who Saved My Soul [Paperback]

Tony Hendra
3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (164 customer reviews)

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Book Description

May 31, 2005
A key comic writer of the past three decades has created his most heartfelt and hard-hitting book. Father Joe is Tony Hendra’s inspiring true story of finding faith, friendship, and family through the decades-long influence of a surpassingly wise Benedictine monk named Father Joseph Warrillow.

Like everything human, it started with sex. In 1955, fourteen-year-old Tony found himself entangled with a married Catholic woman. In Cold War England, where Catholicism was the subject of news stories and Graham Greene bestsellers, Tony was whisked off by the woman’s husband to see a priest and be saved.

Yet what he found was a far cry from the priests he’d known at Catholic school, where boys were beaten with belts or set upon by dogs. Instead, he met Father Joe, a gentle, stammering, ungainly Benedictine who never used the words “wrong” or “guilt,” who believed that God was in everyone and that “the only sin was selfishness.” During the next forty years, as his life and career drastically ebbed and flowed, Tony discovered that his visits to Father Joe remained the one constant in his life—the relationship that, in the most serious sense, saved it.

From the fifties and his adolescent desire to join an abbey himself; to the sixties, when attending Cambridge and seeing the satire of Beyond the Fringe convinced him to change the world with laughter, not prayer; to the seventies and successful stints as an original editor of National Lampoon and a writer of Lemmings, the off-Broadway smash that introduced John Belushi and Chevy Chase; to professional disaster after co-creating the legendary English series Spitting Image; from drinking to drugs, from a failed first marriage to a successful second and the miracle of parenthood—the years only deepened Tony’s need for the wisdom of his other and more real father, creating a bond that could not be broken, even by death.

A startling departure for this acclaimed satirist, Father Joe is a sincere account of how Tony Hendra learned to love. It’s the story of a whole generation looking for a way back from mockery and irony, looking for its own Father Joe, and a testament to one of the most charismatic mentors in modern literature.


From the Hardcover edition.

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

How I met Father Joe. I was fourteen and having an affair with a married woman. These are the opening lines to the first chapter of this outstanding memoir by former National Lampoon Editor Tony Hendra. How could we resist diving into this deliciously satisfying story about a lifelong mentorship with Dom Joseph Warrilow, a.k.a. Father Joe? After the devout Catholic husband catches the illicit couple in the kitchen, the husband does not attack Hendra. Instead he decides the young boy needs salvation. Amazingly, the husband leads Hendra to the one man who could save his soul: Father Joe. This is a tribute to a spiritual mentor, written in an easygoing, guy-talk style. It is no small feat to be brilliantly funny, ruthlessly honest, and spiritually profound at the same time, but Hendra has the winning combo. For more than 40 years Hendra would return to this mesmerizing old soul to tell him everything---from the details of his first sexual encounter, through questioning the social value of satire, to his crisis in faith after losing two children through miscarriages. But it's not just the North Star wisdom of Father Joe that captivates readers; it is the chance to follow Hendra as he gradually matures into a humble and spiritually solid man who can still crack a wicked good joke. Such a gift. Thank you, Tony Hendra. --Gail Hudson --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

When he was 14, Hendra had an affair with a married woman. One afternoon, her husband, a devout Roman Catholic, discovered the two in each other's arms. The husband, acting more out of concern for Hendra's soul than out of anger, arranged for the teenager to spend several weeks under the tutelage of Father Joe at a Benedictine abbey in England. Expecting cruel treatment similar to that handed out by the monks in his Catholic elementary school, Hendra was surprised to meet instead a rotund, knobby-kneed confessor whose thoughtful, open manner changed Hendra's life forever. As Hendra reveals in this graceful, humorous tale, Father Joe acted not only as a confessor, but also as a friend and as the guiding spirit of Hendra's life (the author is now married with three children). Under the influence of Father Joe, Hendra passionately decided to follow the monastic life. At every turn, he met Father Joe's gentle insistence that he wasn't yet ready to enter the monastery. At Cambridge, Hendra discovered a new passion-comedy-and pursued it as ardently as he'd pursued religion. Hendra writes well (he spent several years as the head writer at National Lampoon), chronicling the failure of his first marriage, his descent into substance abuse, his self-hatred and his incessant search for meaning in compelling prose and with clear-eyed honesty. Throughout Hendra's life, Father Joe stands by his side, like a gentle shepherd leading a lost sheep back to a place where it can graze safely.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Random House Trade Paperbacks; First Edition edition (May 31, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0812972341
  • ISBN-13: 978-0812972344
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.7 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (164 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #248,239 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
140 of 149 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Not Your Usual Memoir June 14, 2004
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
It has taken me a couple days to write this review. There is so much to write about on the one hand, yet it is so simple on the "big picture" side.

First, the writing. It is excellent. At times I just wanted to savor the words and the thoughts, yet Mr. Kendra's writing style kept me moving. That is a wonderful combination, when you want to slow, but the writing contains an innate excitement that keeps your eyes moving.

Next, the "memoir". Mr. Kendra's life is the ancillary aspect of the book. He is the main supporting cast to the Father Joe. Mr. Kendra is brutally honest about himself - one can not help but think that he was a better person than he portrays himself to be.

The book tracks the author's spiritual life starting with an affair with a married woman when he was 14 years old which causes him to meet of Father Joe, with whom he mantains a relationship for the next few decades. After that meeting, the author spends several years planning and plotting to become a Benedictine monk. After finding comedy as a new object of worship, he completely abandons his faith, loses a wife and almost a second before he comes back to the fold.

That rendition gives the book such short shrift. It is filled with thought-provoking ideas about self, faith and relationships without getting sappy or tawdry. Father Joe is his friend, father, mentor and spiritual adviser who stays with him throughout leading him without pressure into self-realization.

If there is one theme of this book, it is not God or religion or even faith. It is the ability of a person to delude himself. Father Joe is instrumental in showing Kendra that lesson. The Benedictine idealism is Kendra's illusionary safe harbor that allows him to stray - it will always be there to redeem him if he needs it.

The book obviously has depth of feeling. It has gentle humor and brazen candor that prevents it from being sappy. It also contains philosophy and quotations from great thinkers that add a universality that will appeal to non-Catholics and even non-Christians. Those additions give the book an intellectual heft lacking in books like The Five People I Met in Heaven.

One criticism and word of caution. Have a dictionary close by - Kendra's vocabulary is envy inspiring. The criticism is that I wish he had included a few more translations of terms and passages.

I can not recommend this book highly enough. This is a book I know I will return to - if not to read in full, then at least to enjoy again portions of its wisdom and wit.

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43 of 45 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
Along with a gaggle of smart (just ask us!) young men in New York, I worked with Tony Hendra on a number of humor projects two decades ago. Beyond our wit, we all shared one attribute --- in the words of the lone female on the team, "You're all guys who don't want to go home." My reason was prosaic: no girlfriend. Hendra's, it turns out, was more complicated.

Tony Hendra never talked about his background. I assumed that he was, like the rest of us, -in flight from something --- you don't gravitate to comedy because you're happy. But the nub of it was, Hendra had been happy. And for an amazing reason: He had been, at least in his own mind, a teenage monk.

It happened this way: "I was fourteen and having an affair with a married woman." Well, not quite. This English schoolboy was taking religious instruction from an eccentric Catholic named Ben Bootle and spending too much time with Bootle's wife. Lily Bootle was a tortured soul, drawn to the "sins of the flesh" and terrified of them as well. She fell hard for this brilliant student (even if he did crib the math homework from his schoolmate, Stephen Hawking). The difference in their ages? Didn't matter. They began with kissing. His hand moved south. And then her husband walked in.

Ben Bootle's response was not what you would expect: He took Tony on a little trip. Two hours on a train across England, a half hour on a ferry to the Isle of Wight, a short bus ride --- at last they reached a Benedictine monastery called Quarr Abbey and Ben introduced Tony to a big-nosed, floppy-eared, knobby-kneed, grinning monk. Tony knelt at his feet to confess. "No no no no," Father Joseph Warrilow said. "Sit down next to me." He took Tony's hand. "Now, dear, tell me everything."

Tony did. When he finished, Father Joe said, "Poor Lily." That was it: no judgment, no prediction of brimstone, just total acceptance of Tony's story, complete forgiveness for what happened ("You've done nothing really wrong, Tony dear") and endless compassion for Lily's pain and loneliness. Penance? "I think you've already done a good deal of penance," Father Joe told the astonished boy.

Father Joe stood. "I didn't want him to go," Hendra writes. "I'd never felt so safe and secure with anyone in my life.....I wanted to tell him everything that had ever happened in my few years. There were a million things I wanted to ask him."

But Father Joe had to be up early. "We'll see each other again and talk and talk. God bless you, my dear."

"Again the hug, again the swirl of skirts, again the super-sandals squeaking away down the linoleum," Hendra writes. "Then silence. And peace."

Over the decades, Hendra would lose that peace, even as he gained the world. (Many of you will remember him as "Ian Faith," the cricket-bat wielding manager of the crazy rock band featured in the legendary mockumentary "Spinal Tap.") While he spares us the gory details, he spares himself nothing --- he is, he tells us, a loathsome husband, a despicable parent.

But don't forget the subtitle: "The Man Who Saved My Life." Father Joe's message to Tony never changes, but at last Tony hears it. It's not a theological message; it's nothing the Pope and his Cardinals would turn into doctrine. Indeed, it's as corny as a Beatles refrain: "All you need is love." And, of course, the Beatles' follow-up: "And in the end/the love you take/is equal to the love you make."

It's one thing to hear a lyric. It's a very different thing --- a very rare thing --- to have someone walk the path ahead of you, showing you by example how to live nobly. No wonder readers are rushing to buy this book; it puts them in the room with one of the greatest men of the century. A monk. An unknown monk, at that. And funny-looking. And not so strong on the doctrine. What a magnificent joke on all our pretty concepts of enlightenment!

There's a happy ending to this book, a very big one. On one level, it's Tony and Joe's happy ending. But if you step back a bit, you'll see it can be yours too. And you don't even have to be a Catholic --- or even a Christian --- to experience it.

If you're only going to read one book this summer....

--- Reviewed by Jesse Kornbluth

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42 of 51 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Frustrating October 10, 2004
Format:Hardcover
It was touch-and-go whether I'd finish FATHER JOE or throw it across the room. I nearly gave it up after the first couple of chapters: Hendra is the sort of writer who'll enlist six sentences to do the work of one, and who can't stop himself from turning all his people into laughable stock types. But so many friends had recommended the book that I persevered.

When Father Joe came on the scene, he did capture my interest. The odd thing is, he doesn't seem to have captured Hendra's. Father Joe remains a question mark throughout, a mystical force of big-eared benignity. The author seems to have no curiosity about who the man is or how he became himself -- in fact, Hendra's shocked to discover, late in the book, that Father Joe had a very full life of wide-ranging interests and relationships. Hendra sounds taken aback to think Father Joe had other reasons to exist than to counsel him.

For me, this persistent narcissistic strain made the book unpleasant and frustrating to read. I don't mean to be unkind, and don't doubt the sincerity behind Hendra's tribute. But Father Joe could have been more interesting than a mere angelic enigma, whereas Hendra himself is not so interesting as he thinks he is.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars Read through the filter of a horrific allegation.
Being familiar with Spy magazine, This Is Spinal, etc. this book has been on my reading list for several years. I finally got around to listening to the audio version for which Mr. Read more
Published 5 days ago by Nigel Tufnel
5.0 out of 5 stars Father Joe: The Man Who Saved My Faith
I bought this because I have read it before and it almost exactly describes a priest friend of mine who died three years ago. Read more
Published 2 months ago by R. Oliver
4.0 out of 5 stars I wish I had been blessed to have known Father Joe
The parts of the book where Tony Hendra writes of his encounters with Fr. Joe are spellbinding. I don't know if it's the age we live in or the country, but I think to have a... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Immes
5.0 out of 5 stars Father Joe
I read the book and from the descriptions of Father Joe I felt I could picture him. He was the kind of person I could have freely confided in. I wish all priests were like him. Read more
Published 7 months ago by terelou
4.0 out of 5 stars Father Joe
"Father Joe" is a good book to take along on a relaxing vacation when there's time to ponder...life.

Well-written, it holds interest from beginning to end. Read more
Published 8 months ago by Theresa
5.0 out of 5 stars A rare insight
It is hard to read this book without getting the feeling that you now have some idea of what a good person is. Read more
Published 8 months ago by farrell
5.0 out of 5 stars That Tony Hendra! Always Full of Surprises!
This is not a goody-two-shoes religious book; it's a grueling story for world-weary grownups. I came to it via audio books, which I strongly recommend, since Tony Hendra reads his... Read more
Published 13 months ago by margot
5.0 out of 5 stars "FATHER JOE" - A WONDERFUL BOOK
A moving story of a young man struggling with his life choices and a great man who understood him and the human condition only too well. A must read for everyone.
Published 14 months ago by SHIRLEY
4.0 out of 5 stars A fine story of coming "home"
In many parts, this is a very moving book. These are the parts where Hendra is with Fr. Joe at the abbey. But much, perhaps too much, of the book is just Hendra's life story. Read more
Published 22 months ago by Chris Serger
1.0 out of 5 stars I am sad I found this book
I found something missing in this book. I am Irish Catholic. I know what severe abuse does to the soul. Tony Hendra was severely abused physically, emotionally and sexually. Read more
Published 23 months ago by Irish Girl
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