FatherNeed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child [Hardcover]

Kyle D. Pruett (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 31, 2000

Is your child getting the right balance of nurturing care that all children need to grow into healthy adults, including the kind of care only a father can give? For years the most trusted child care experts have emphasized the mother/child bond, but this is only half the story. Kids and dads are also biologically hardwired for a different but equally important relationship. In "Fatherneed," Dr. Kyle D. Pruett draws on more than two decades of highly acclaimed research at the Yale Child Study Center to offer the first complete understanding of the father's role in child and adult development.

Combining real-life examples from his own child and family psychiatry practice with state-of-the-art research data, Dr. Pruett shows how fathers parent differently and why that difference is so important to a child's physical, cognitive, emotional, and behavioral development. Dr. Pruett challenges the time-honored tradition of giving mothers all the credit -- and all the blame -- for how their children turn out. Biological studies of infants show that they seek comfort from moms but crave interaction with their dads. Mothers quickly reassure toddlers when they become frustrated or fearful, whereas fathers encourage their toddlers to tolerate frustration a bit longer, helping them develop into adults with greater reserves of strength in dealing with everyday stress and frustration. And Dr. Pruett's long-term studies show that children who are actively involved with their fathers from birth through adolescence develop more emotional balance, stronger curiosity, and greater self-assurance.

"Fatherneed" is also a how-to guide for engaged fathering that will give your children the skills todevelop into happy and healthy adults. Dr. Pruett specifically addresses what a father can do to prepare his marriage, his house, and his emotions for his child's needs, from infancy through the toddler years, childhood, adolescence, and young and mature adulthood. His advice to fathers is comprehensive and wide-ranging: how to speak to toddlers in language they can understand; how to avoid the common tendency to reinforce gender stereotypes in young children; how to maintain a connection with an increasingly autonomous teenager; how to strengthen one's marriage while facing the challenges of fathering. Divorced fathers, fathers of adopted children, stepfathers, and fathers of special-needs children all face unique challenges, and Dr. Pruett offers step-by-step guidance for coping with every one of these special situations. When fathers are absent, mothers must look elsewhere. Dr. Pruett shows single moms how to be sure that their children are getting the benefit of a male adult's attention.

Successful fathering does not come at the expense of the mother/child bond; in fact it depends on a mother's encouragement. Every mother loves to see the health and happiness in her child, and in the child's father, that result from successful fathering. Through true stories of actual families "Fatherneed" reveals the infinite varieties of fathering that result when a dedicated father and a supportive mother work together. With wit, authority, and compassion, Dr. Pruett shows how to be sure that your child gets what only a father can provide.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

A pioneer in the field of fatherhood research, Yale child psychiatrist Pruett (The Nurturing Father) draws on his own groundbreaking longitudinal study of men as primary caregivers, as well as the findings of others, in this exploration of how fathering affects both children and men. "Men are the single greatest untapped resource in the lives of American children," he contends, building a solid case for recognizing and supporting this unique and critical connection. Pruett champions the early involvement of fathers, showing how infants are "prewired" for attachment to both men and women, and explains the lifelong benefits of this mutually dependent relationship, which he calls "fatherneed," and the vital role it plays in both child development and the emotional and physical well-being of men. Showing how a healthy father-child relationship complements rather than competes with that of the mother and child, Pruett offers a host of pointers for negotiating the various stages of childhood, from infancy and toddlerhood through the early school years, adolescence ("chase your children down occasionally, buy them lunch, and listen") and young adulthood. Pruett writes with an easy grace, and his warmly relaxed style is studded with humor. Thoughtful, inspiring and eminently practical, this one belongs at the top of the "must have" list for every father. (Jan.)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

This is a well-researched book about the role of fathers. Pruett (psychiatry, Yale Medical Sch.), a well-known columnist and the author of The Nurturing Father, looks at fathers in various family situations--intact families where both parents work, intact families where fathers are primary caretakers, families in which the father is a single parent, families in which mothers have primary custody--and among a variety of cultures. His conclusions emphasize the importance of fathers in the growth of their children. He does not, however, minimize the mother's role; Pruett believes that fathers bring different assets to childrearing than mothers and feels that the mother's relationship with her children is improved by the active role of the father. Extensive notes document recent research. This important book will not only interest scholars and students but also parents who want to learn more about effective family relationships. Recommended for all libraries.
-Kay L. Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills, MD
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Free Press; 1 edition (January 31, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0684857758
• ISBN-13: 978-0684857756
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.2 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,428,855 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very, very good book!, February 11, 2007

By 

Aubrey A. Anderson "Aubrey A" (Salt Lake City, UT USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child (Paperback)

I used this book as the primary text for a class on Fatherhood at the University of Utah. It is very easy to read and useful. I've recommended it to others and passed it on and they agree. It has language that is easy to understand and thus works well as a text for University study or as a self-improvement advice book. His lists of ideas and recommendations are important. I really hope that this book is not removed from print as I have heard it may be.

14 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Overlong, but good for trade, April 12, 2000

By 

Michael J. Morgan (Oshkosh, WI) - See all my reviews

This review is from: FatherNeed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child (Hardcover)

Pruett's attempt at expanding what could have been a chapter in an academic text into a self-help book for the masses is admirable. Yes, I think fathers and fathers-in-waiting should skim the book. Some sloppy work: doesn't the author know the difference between Penn and Penn State? But overall, makes a good case, if you can excuse the gratuitous fawning over "single mothers." The "as you'll read in the next chapter" stuff was annoying.

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful book, January 12, 2010

By 

Learning New Ways (Denver, CO) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child (Paperback)

I think this book reflects a courageous effort, with a lot of hard work clearly involved, to repair the breach in fatherhood that has been created over the last several thousand years as men became increasingly focused on seeking to compete with and dominate other men for resources and controlling women, and, in the process, lost their access to their emotions and their confidence as fathers. Or some measure of breach may always have been there due to conscious or subconscious doubts about paternity that were present on a cultural level as well as in individual families. The fact that the only power women have had has been as mothers has also unfortunately led them to let men be crowded out of parenting.

Dr. Pruett does a very good job showing how this breach can be repaired, and is being repaired, by many compassionate, caring, respectful Dads here in the last few decades (assisted by the work many women now do to earn money for their families on a scale greater than that in the past). The fact that paternity can be proven - and disproven is helpful as well.

As someone who grew up with a dominator type father, and has spent much of my life trying to survive without getting what I needed from my father and working hard to overcome that harm, I highly recommend this book to mothers and fathers.

I also suggest that many men may benefit from psychotherapy, counseling, support groups, etc., to look at whether there is any harm or unmet need in their own relationships with their fathers (or their mothers as well, of course) that they have buried. I suspect that bringing that to the surface may be necessary in some cases, unfortunately, to allow you to be free enough to learn a new way to father your children?