Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story [Paperback]

John Sowers (Author)

Book Description

Release date: October 2, 2010

What happens when givers of life give a lifetime of tears? The story of fatherlessness is written into the heart of our generation. It is heard in our songs, seen in our movies, read in our blogs. It is a story of shame, loneliness, and rejection. A story of missed potential and wasted opportunity. A story that desperately needs to be heard. But fatherlessness is more than a personal tragedy. It is a growing epidemic. Fatherlessness is a driving force behind gangs, teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, and suicide. And all too often, the fatherless are either marginalized or ignored. In Fatherless Generation, Dr. John Sowers asks: How can the faith community begin rewriting this tragic story? Written for those who are fatherless themselves and those concerned with social justice, Fatherless Generation uses culture, statistics, and testimonies to remind us that it is possible for a generation to find healing. Drawing on years of research and personal experience, Dr. Sowers shows us that intentional, intergenerational mentoring is the key to a new story of hope. It is in relationship that this generation has been wounded and it is in relationship that healing must begin. Mentoring is the most strategic way to reconcile our generation with God. Weaving in his own experience of fatherlessness, Dr. Sowers eloquently presents the desperate reality of fatherlessness in our culture and how awareness and compassion offer a solution of hope---a hope that will write new stories for generations to come.

Editorial Reviews

Review

John Sowers is the "voice crying in the wilderness," calling us to turn our faces toward the devastation caused by fatherlessness. This beautifully written book is not a wringing of the hands, but a powerful and strategic call to action. --William Paul Young, author of The Shack

I believe that the church can solve the problem of fatherlessness. And this book is our call. It is our call to something that the biblical writer James calls "true religion," our call to do something that matters deeply to the heart of God. --Gabe Lyons, author of The Next Christians

Fatherless Generation illuminates the longing and hurt that fuel the decisions of a generation seeking acceptance, hope, assurance, and truth. With prose that is personal, direct, and eloquent, Fatherless Generation is emotionally charged and boldly honest, and it holds the key to real healing for the reader, whether they are fatherless or love someone who is. --Dan Merchant, writer/director of Lord, Save Us from Your Followers

John Sowers has tapped into the powerful theme of belonging and accurately describes the fatherless generation that is longing for it. Through John's personal story, he exposes the shame of millions growing up without fathers and points the reader in the direction of hope and compassionate action. This is a powerful book. --Dr. Tom Phillips, vice president of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association

From the Publisher

Drawing from culture, stories, and his own personal experience, John Sowers presents the desperate reality of fatherlessness in his generation. Fatherless Generation is a hard-hitting, descriptive look at this issue, showing how awareness, compassion, and mentoring are the keys to writing new stories of hope.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 144 pages
• Publisher: Zondervan (October 2, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0310328608
• ISBN-13: 978-0310328605
• Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.4 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #163,243 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

John Sowers is the President of The Mentoring Project, a movement changing the lives of fatherless boys through mentoring. He is the author of Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story (Zondervan 2010) and is a writer on Donald Miller's blog, storylineblog.com. In June 2012, John received the President's Champion of Change of Award at the White House for his work with fatherless youth, and his work has been featured by CNN, Relevant Magazine, Christianity Today and others.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

17 of 18 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Praying Men Live Up To Their Parental Responsibility October 11, 2010

By Andrea Schultz

Format:Paperback

One aspect of a person's life that has a deep impact is the lack of a father in his or her life. In `Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story,' John Sowers shares his personal story, and explains what we can do to turn this tragedy around.

Here is the synopsis of this book:

What happens when our givers of life give us a lifetime of tears? The story of fatherlessness is being written into the heart of our generation. It is heard in our songs, seen in our movies, read in our blogs. It is a story of shame, loneliness, and rejection. A story of missed potential and wasted lives.
But fatherlessness is more than a personal tragedy. It is a growing epidemic. Fatherlessness is the driving force behind gangs, teenage pregnancy, drug abuse and suicide. And all too often, the fatherless are either marginalized or ignored.
Weaving in his experience of fatherlessness, John Sowers shows how awareness, compassion, and intentional intergenerational mentoring can offer a generation hope - hope that will write new stories for generations to come.

Here is the biography of this author:

Dr. John Sowers is president of The Mentoring Project, a movement that exists to inspire and equip the faith community to provide mentors for the fatherless. He has also been part of the White House Task Force conversation on Fatherhood and Healthy Families. John received his Masters of Divinity degree from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School and graduated from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary where he wrote his doctoral thesis on the crisis of fatherlessness. John and his wife, Kari, reside in Portland, Oregon.

Dr.... Sowers explained what happened to him after his father abandoned their family:

Fatherlessness creates an appetite in the soul that demands fulfillment. Over time, the unmet needs created by Dad's absence turns into something that author Robert McGee calls "father hunger." And in America alone, millions are starving to death. McGee states, "People who grow up starved for a father's love become victims of an anonymous mugger or a faceless cancer."
To live with father hunger is to live with sadness of what will never be. Perhaps the worst thing about this rejection is living with the knowledge that someone has chosen to turn his back on you. Someone has chosen to leave you. Someone has determined your value and decided you are not worth having around - or that he would be better off someplace else, without you. (p. 19)

This need for a father is inside of all of us:

Each of us has this visceral longing, a primal urge to be accepted by our father and to make him proud. The urge is something like hunger or the need for sleep - it stays with us our entire lives. When Dad is not around, this urge becomes a haunting. The ghost usually takes on the form of a question. We may bring our question to other men, or every man we meet. We may bring our question to the world of women. We may bring our question to the mirror and remain haunted by its booming silence. We wonder, "Do you see me? Will you validate me?" All the while, the question grows louder in our hearts. (pp. 26-27)

Shame and the feeling of inadequacy are dangerous effects of fatherlessness:

Conflicted, we bring this shame-induced inadequacy into everything we do - the relationships we have, the way we think, live, and believe. We bring our inadequacy to the workplace, with something to prove, and we either quit or become workaholics. We bring our inadequacy to our peers and become people pleasers or rebels. We bring our inadequacy to a relationship, and when it doesn't answer the question, we blame, move on, or wallow in despair. We face our inadequacy and become victims or performers. We escape the inadequacy and become irresponsible or addicted. We project our inadequacy onto God and feel that God is ashamed of is and that we must perform flawlessly to earn and keep his approval. (p. 29)

Fatherless girls are not exempt from the hurt:

Fatherless girls struggle with shame as well. Girls mourn the missed opportunities to stand on the living room table and spin their twirling dress for Dad. They dream of being beautiful, adored, noticed, of shining for him and captivating his attention. They wonder if they are even worth noticing at all. (p. 31)

Dr. Sowers shares reader comments from his blog. Beth made this comment:

We all handled it differently. My older brother chased Dad's car. My mother cried and basically stopped functioning for months... And I just kind of held it in. Seven years later, I still, to this day, hold it in...I have issues with my self-esteem. And find it hard to trust people. I hope that one day, the wounds I have inside will heal. (p. 31)

There is huge fallout from fatherlessness. Dr. Sowers shares some sobering statistics (pp. 36-37):

63 percent of youth suicides
71 percent of teenage pregnancies
90 percent of all homeless and runaway children
70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions
85 percent of all youth who exhibit behavioral disorders
80 percent of rapists motivated with displaced anger
71 percent of all high school dropouts
75 percent of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers
85 percent of all youths sitting in prison

A talented musician who dealt with fatherlessness is Matt Redmond, worship leader and composers of such Christian standards as "Blessed Be Your Name" and "You Never Let Go." Matt shared with Dr. Sowers that he had many mentors in his life that helped him work through his shame and feelings of inadequacy:

There were definitely a few years of pain and struggle there in my childhood and early adult teenage years - but to be truthful, I never felt very "fatherless." I think that has a lot to do with God being true to his word. Scripture tells us that he is a Father to the fatherless, and I knew a massive measure of that as I grew up. In fact, so many of the painful things in my childhood, by his grace, propelled me toward God and not away from him. I would go so far as to say that these times of turmoil were actually the things that solidified my walk with God and made me want to walk and talk with him. Throughout the whole season, however, I had a very real sense of God being my Father - and a very strong and compassionate one at that. (p. 82)

God is involved in this process of mentoring:

God fathers us through intimacy of his Spirit, but also by bringing people - spiritual mothers and fathers - into our lives. These mentors teach us what it is like to be loved, what it means to be a man or woman. A mentor's presence in the life of a young person declares to him or her, "You are not rejected. You are important and valuable - you matter."
God is calling his body, the church, to step up and be his people, to represent his fathering love to a fatherless generation of children and youth. And he is giving us opportunities to answer the call. This is the heart of mentoring. Mentoring is about answering God's call, joining with him as he rewrites the broken story of a generation. Mentoring mirrors God's heart. Long before we ever consider him, God is taking the initiative and choosing to invest our time and energy into the life of a child or young person. (p. 88)

We must have a good relationship with God in order to effectively mentor:

A godly mentor needs to have a vertical relationship with God. A mentor doesn't need to have it all together, but he should be growing in his faith as he follows the one both he and the mentee are trying to emulate.
This is the foundational element of mentoring. We cannot show others something we have not known or understood. Our vertical relationship with God is the foundation of our relationship with others. God is our source and motivation behind our love, our example and model that we show to our mentee. We must be willing to be mentored by God if we wish to model our life after his and imitate his example. (p. 107)

This subject - fatherlessness - is near to my heart. My parents divorced before I was born, and I never met my father. I have never even seen a photo of him. He passed away when I was about twelve years old. I never had a father figure. When I married Fred, I hoped that hole would be filled by his father. Sadly, that relationship did not flourish as I hoped it would. That is a heartache as well. So I understand what it is like to miss that important part of life. As a result, I also have a hard time relating to God as Father. I have an easier time relating to Jesus as the Son of God.
I had never really looked at the subject of fatherlessness, and how it affects people, to the extent that Dr. Sowers does in this book. I had gained much insight on society and on myself, and I appreciate the research he has done and the wisdom he has imparted. I recommend this book to anyone who deals with this issue - and that is all of us, when you consider the cost that has been assessed on society in general. I pray that men who father children will accept their responsibility and look to God to help them fulfill that responsibility for the good of their child and of society at large.

This book was published by Zondervan Publishers and provided by them for review purposes.

Reviewed by Andrea Schultz - Ponderings by Andrea - [...] Read more ›

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A true anthem for the Fatherless November 26, 2010

By Nick Maestas

Format:Paperback

It has taken entirely way too long, but we (the fatherless) have a book to know that we will be ok and that we are not alone. Fatherless Generation by John Sowers is a fantastic book that brings tears, laughs, and hope to those of us who were abandoned by our earthly fathers.

It didn't take but one page to realize that this book will cut right to the heart of me. I was in tears before I flipped the page. It's honest in a way that breaks you down but it builds you up to know that we will be fine!

Thank you John for this read. Because of this book, I have better tools to let my son know all of the joys that I never got the opportunity to know!

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Hope for the Fatherless October 31, 2010

By Aaron Armstrong

Format:Paperback

"Dad."

It's a word that brings to mind either some of your happiest memories... or some of your deepest resentments. For too many kids (and young adults) in North America and around the world, "Dad" is a shadowy figure, a fading memory, a hurt feeling; but never someone they knew deeply.

Some boys look for approval in gangs; others channel their resentment toward an unhealthy work ethic, wild behavior or excessive competitiveness. Many young women seek out affection from boys (and "men") who are only too happy to oblige.

This fatherless generation has never been more unsure of their place the world and the results have been devastating

That's why John Sowers, the president of the Mentoring Project, wrote Fatherless Generation. In this short book, Sowers relates the tragic experiences of fatherless boys, girls, men and women (including himself), while showing readers that there is hope to change their stories; to be a part of transforming their lives and helping them discover the God who is the Father to the fatherless.

Throughout the first half of the book, Sowers shares his experience growing up without a dad, along with those of several others who originally shared their story on his MySpace page. And the damage that's been inflicted, the pain that all have suffered, is palpable. Young women share how they were Daddy's princess--until he left. Some write that they don't hate their dads, but they can't forgive them either. Hopelessness and despair are the undercurrents of every story.

What I appreciate about how Sowers presents these stories, including his own, is that it's not sensationalized, manipulative or voyeuristic.... He is careful to protect the dignity of every person whose story he shares, as raw and often heart-wrenching as they are. This is extremely difficult to accomplish as, too often, in seeking to protect the individual's well-being, their story can be reduced to emotionless propositions.

As careful as he is with the stories he shares, his use of statistics is equally so. Rather than overwhelming readers with data, he uses it to support the stories shared--the lives affected by not having a father in the home. They're effective and disturbing.

For example, Sowers writes on pages 36-37 (perhaps the only really stats heavy section of the book), that children from fatherless homes account for:

63 percent of youth suicides
71 percent of pregnant teenagers
90 percent of all homeless and runaway teenagers
70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions
85 percent of all youth who exhibit behavior disorder
80 percent of rapists motivated with displaced anger
71 percent of all high school dropouts
75 percent of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers
85 percent of all youths sitting in prison

For those who have ever doubted the impact of an attentive father in the lives of children, one needs only look at this and see that dads really do make a difference. The impact of being fatherless is so overwhelming, that it seems like there's nothing that can be done, doesn't it?

But there is a solution: caring men and women becoming mentors to a fatherless generation.

In part two of Fatherless Generation, Sowers shares how godly mentors spoke words of life and encouragement, taught him to be a man and ultimately transformed his life.

"Both of these men sacrificed their time in order to be mentors and father figures in my life, and because of their sacrifice, I came to see that being a man was not really as intimidating as i had made it out to be. I learned that i didn't have to be afraid of other men. I learned that I didn't have to be afraid of becoming a man myself," writes Sowers (pp. 91-92).

The love that Sowers has for these men is obvious, as is his passion for seeing Christians take on the role of mentoring a younger generation. In doing so, by showing love to those who believe they are unloveable and modelling maturity to them, there is a powerful opportunity to be a witness to Christ and see lives transformed both in the temporal and eternal.

In this way, the book carries through it the implicit reality of the gospel, which has its strengths and weaknesses. Sowers touches on aspects of the gospel to be sure (see pp. 82-84), and does speak of a desire to see the fatherless come to know the God who is Father to the fatherless, but it's something that I would have preferred to see beefed up a bit more.

Reading Fatherless Generation hit close to home on a number of levels. The first is that I could relate all-too-well to the stories Sowers shares, because they were my story, too. I grew up without my dad being much of a physical presence in my life and that led me to try to be his opposite, or at least what I perceived his opposite to be. In doing so, I also sinfully treated him with thinly veiled contempt. In recent years, by God's grace, our relationship has experienced much healing and I'm thankful for this. But not everyone has that opportunity.

Secondly, I have three boys living near me who don't have a dad, and I don't know how much interest their dads have in them. Perhaps they're waiting for someone to speak words of affirmation into their lives?

Finally, as the father of two young girls, it reminded me of the powerful influence I am on Abigail and Hannah (for good or bad). I pray that my girls truly know how much their daddy loves them, and that my influence will be a godly one.

Fatherless Generation shines a light on the trials of all who are going to bed tonight without a dad. Their challenges are real. Their pain is deeply felt. But they don't have to live their lives feeling shame, anger or resentment. This book offers its readers an opportunity to be a part of transforming the lives of a fatherless generation. Are we willing to take the first step?

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A complimentary copy of this book was provided for review purposes by the publisher Read more ›

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Great book on a topic that needs to be talked about more October 30, 2010

By HTK

Format:Paperback

This is a powerful book that focuses on the topic of fatherlessness in the U.S. John Sowers tackles this issue in a way that really gives the reader a tangible way to move forward. Great book, a must read.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Redemption stories October 25, 2010

By JDH

Format:Paperback

Not much to add to other reviews except to say, reading this book will break your heart..then inspire you to pray for this fatherless generation.

Excellent.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Rewriting a Story in Need of Much Revision October 19, 2010

By Shines

Format:Paperback

Fatherless Generation is a story that needed to be told. I agree with the author in that, "Fatherlessness is the looming shadow behind so many problems of our society." The story of Fatherless Generation resonates with my own story, growing up without a dad. The poignant picture of John's own story makes it both an authentic and credible look into fatherlessness and its subsequent effects. This is definitely a must-read for those looking to understand the lives of those who are in desperate need of hope...which is why I'm glad that John didn't stop writing after the first half of the book. The second half of the book is inspiring in that he gives practical ways to rewrite a story in need of much revision -- the stories of those growing up fatherless. So thankful for this book, and its contribution to the conversation that has been long in coming. It's exciting to see all that God is doing through this author and his organization (The Mentoring Project) to live out pure and genuine religion, as James calls it. Thanks for helping to inspire people to become a father to the fatherless!