Fatherloss: How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Death of Their Dads [Hardcover]

Neil Chethik (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 10, 2001

The first of its kind: a compassionate exploration of how men deal with the deaths of their fathers.

With Hope Edelman's Motherless Daughters, millions of women found comfort in the experiences of other women who had lost their mothers. But until now, no book has been available to guide men through what can be an equally wrenching and life-changing event. Based on a landmark national survey of 300 men, and in-depth interviews with 70 others, FatherLoss is the first book that focuses specifically on how sons cope with the deaths of their dads. Chethik offers rich portraits of a variety of father-son relationships, and focuses on how the death of a father affects sons differently, depending on when in their lives it occurs. He also explores how such cultural figures as Ernest Hemingway, Dwight Eisenhower, and Michael Jordan were affected by the loss of their fathers.

By weaving together the poignant experiences of diverse men and the results of his groundbreaking survey, Chethik offers fresh insight into the unique male grieving process, encouraging men to share an experience too many have been conditioned to endure in silence.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Men have been accused of being incapable of grieving when, in truth, says writer/speaker Chethik, they have not been allowed to do so. Billed as a counterpart to Hope Edelman's superior Motherless Daughters, FatherLoss features up-close-and-personal profiles of father-son relationships, drawing on the author's national survey of 300 men and interviews with 70 others. Grieving, Chethik says, is part of the unique relationship between sons and fathers; it is highly subjective and dependent on the son's age at the time of his father's death. Chethik also studies how celebrities like Michael Jordan and Ernest Hemingway handled their fathers' deaths. Although well written, this book reads like a series of stretched-out human-interest articles, and the author's advice is buried in long passages. All in all, FatherLoss is a noble book for acknowledging men's right to grieve, but it lacks clear how-to advice. Recommended especially for small support groups but also for public libraries where interest warrants.DDouglas C. Lord, Hartford P.L., CT
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"Chethik's first book is both intimate and revealing . . . [he] tenderly describes the impact of father loss." -- Los Angeles Times

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 18 and up
  
• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: Hyperion; 1st edition (January 10, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0786865326
• ISBN-13: 978-0786865321
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 5.8 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,544,704 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

26 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A great book about men and loss, and about fathers and sons, January 7, 2001

By 

Robert Ferguson (Durham, NC) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Fatherloss: How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Death of Their Dads (Hardcover)

This is an incredible book. Well researched, superbly written, and profound. As a psychologist, I learned more about male grief from this book than any other. As a father and a son, I reached a deeper understanding of the father/son relationship. I encourage therapists who work with men to read this book. And I highly recommend it to any man who has lost his dad, and to any woman who is in a relationship with a man who is grieving father loss.

In Fatherloss, Mr. Chethik has combined powerful story telling with quality survey research to give us a fresh picture of men and loss. The book is surely to be respected academically, but reaches the reader's heart in a way no academic book can. He brings fathers and sons to life, sometimes in their own words, and always in his eloquent descriptions of character and events. He also includes some fascinating research about historical and contemporary men. I was especially fascinated in the stories of John F. Kennedy Jr., and Michael Jordon.

I was personally moved by this very readable book, but also feel I have become much better informed about the hearts and minds of my fellow men. I also asked my wife to read it even though I have not yet lost my father. I believe it will help her understand my gender. Thank you, Neil Chethik, for writing this power book.

20 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Inisghts for mothers, daughters, fathers and sons, January 18, 2001

By 

Michele Weldon "Michele Weldon" (Chicago, Illinois United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Fatherloss: How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Death of Their Dads (Hardcover)

In his sensitive and thorough new book, journalist and father Neil Chethik scrutinizes the profound relationship of fathers and sons. But his insights affect all of us -- mothers and daughters, as well. Through his exhaustive and remarkable research, he uncovers and details stories of men of all ages who were changed, reshaped and reborn after the loss of their fathers. As the mother of three sons, I was deeply moved by the impact a father has on his son and will use this bountiful and explicit information in trying to help my own sons on their journeys to understand who they are and what it means to be a man.

I applaud Neil for so bravely and expertly writing a book that goes far beyond the superfical and offers wisdom and solid evidence of the complicated bond of father and son. His years as a columnist have taught him to tell a story well and his years as a newspaper reporter and editor have given him the skills to back up every story with solid information. He has done a masterful job and it is a book that all of us need to embrace to understand who we are, where we have been and where we are going. A marvelous book that everyone needs to read.

20 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Help and Healing, January 8, 2001

By 

Bought Copies for My Three Daughters (Vienna, Virginia USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Fatherloss: How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Death of Their Dads (Hardcover)

Neil Chethik has performed a great service for all of us--- those who have lost a father to death, those who are distant from their living fathers and those who have the opportunity to make the most of the time they still have with their fathers. Perfect or imperfect, loved or loathed, present or absent, your father is the most important man in your life. What you have been, what you are, and what you will be are all shaped by your Dad. But, don't forget Dad's simple humanity. The quality of your relationship with your Dad depends upon the efforts of both of you. With weaknesses, fears, worries and limitations like anyone, most Dads simply do or did the best they could. Sometimes, you can't understand the value of something until it is gone. Fatherloss gives comfort to those who have lost their Dads and gives the rest of us good reason to get to know our Dads and ourselves while we have the chance.