Customer Reviews

The Father's Emergency Guide to Divorce-Custody Battle: A Tour Through the Predatory World of Judges, Lawyers, Psychologists & Social Workers, in the Subculture of Divorce

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

As a Divorced Dad with a 13-year old son, I wish that I had read Mr. Seidenberg's book four years ago. I was the typical American male, hoping that a 21-year marriage would not end in divorce. In fact, not being able to believe that a divorce was possible.

My ex-wife took our son and moved out. If I had followed Mr. Seidenberg's advice, I would have aggressively protected my rights as a father. Instead, I went without legal representation for 90 days. BIG MISTAKE.

Any father should read this book even if a divorce is not expected in your future. When you have children, (I have three sons), they need to be instructed on how they can protect themselves and their children from what I call "Power Feminism." My ex-wife has a master's degree from SDSU in Social Work so she is a master.

In San Diego we face an incredibly male-negative family court system. I have started the Fatherhood Council,(available at dandreblow@aol.com), with the chief purpose of educating the public.

Mr. Seidenberg's book has just become a free gift as part of the membership package. Enjoy! Dan Dreblow

I only wish I had read this book 11 months ago when my wife had planned her divorce from me and got an advantage from the begining. I was a happy father with three beautiful children and was evicted from my home overnight. Thanks to Robert Seidenberg, he could have gave me a play by play move about my forced separation. I could relate to this book so much it was an erie feeling to read it, but it is 100% true. You can lose and will, eveything and be on the road to total disaster if you dont take his advice.

I have a lot of experience with the divorce/custody system, and have read many books on it. This one is the best. It is written in an easy to understand manner, is backed by solid evidence, and more to the point, it provides must have information for any parent. This is due to the fact that custody is winner-take-all, and if you don't have the information in this book (if you are a father), you almost certainly will not win. I read this book when my custody case was 18mos old, I found my case followed the book like a movie script. I lost my custody case. My son now lives 1800 miles away from me, and I spent $30,000 to date for this. If I would have had "Emergency Guide to Divorce/Custody" before, or near the beginning of my case, the results would be quite different. I would be living in the same town as my boy, and I might have spent $5,000 to acheive that. The book will make that difference for you.

I have recently completed reading the book by Mr. Seidenberg...it's right on the money. But one must wonder, why more people don't know about the destructive and corrosive nature of the Divorce Industry. I also liked "A Family Divided", by Robert Mendelson, which is a 450 page case study of one man in the Pittsburgh area and his experiences, a man who has reportedly now spent over $500,000 and is yet estranged from his daughter, through the "help" of divorce professionals. It is my understanding that in the case of the Pittsburgh man, it was established that 3 separate professionals practicing psychology / family "therapy" were all believed by the author to be violating professional and appropriate American Psychological Association professional guidelines... Where is the professional oversight, where is the Judicial Review Committees and the American Psychological Association?.. lots of questions and few answers.

One very troubling chart in Mr. Seidenberg seems to say it all... in his jurisdiction, a County in Virginia, it appears that no father was ever awarded sole legal or shared primary physical custody in a contested case for over 1 1/2 years... no policeman, no fireman, NO MAN who even took up arms to defend our great country...ever was awarded custody of his children. Where is the Equal Rights Amendment, the caring civil rights lawyers, the NOW, which used to stand for social justice and equality?... have the liberal and caring institutions which used to stand for for basic justice dropped out of these kinds of issues? The question is almost unanswerable... where is the press?.. have men now been reduced to the welfare department for women and children of divorce, rather than social agencies of the Government.

Very thought provoking!

I am the wife of a man who pays child support and is continually denied visitation or rights of his child, his ex wife does what she wants and when she wants and our "Judicial" system lets her get away with it. Some may think it slams women, but I have been on both ends also being a divorcee with a child. Thank God, my ex and I did not have to play games with each other, he still was a father and I still was the mother, no games. I have also worked in the law end of it as a paralegal, yes, in most courts men are given the total shaft. This book has great direction and I recommend it a must read for every person fighting our great judicial system regarding child custody/support and ex-spouses.

I'd refine Seidenberg's and Dawes's analysis by agreeing that there IS abundant gender bias disfavoring fathers in America's family courts---but more fundamentally there's an even stronger predisposition toward recognizing one, dominant parent: a `better parent' bias. The courts tend to take sides very quickly, and resist backtracking or changing their mind; thus all of the injustice and malignity that usually falls upon fathers can and does descend upon a mother now and then.

Children in the vast majority of cases want to be parented---not visited---by both their parents; both parents have their strengths and weaknesses, and frequently complement each other: there is no `better' parent!

I read the facts very truthfully conveyed in _The Father's Emergency Guide..._ as a persuasive indictment that the courts and the rest of the divorce `industry' pervasively subvert the child's best interest in, and right to, the joint custody of both his/her parents. It's practical advice---valuable as it is---only serves to mitigate the damage: we also desperately need comprehensive and penetrating reform of the system.

Having read this, and experienced a fierce ongoing visitation battle, I can say this is all true. My experience has been with the gender-biased court of Washington County in Minnesota. My daughter's mother pulled all these tricks and in hindsight, I can see that she only wanted me to father a child, but not have any important role in our daughter's life. As any Minnesota attorney will tell you, a women is NEVER chastised for perjury in Washington County. It's not even addressed.
In 1993, I went Pro Se to be adjudicated after our daughter was born. My daughter's mother never wanted to get married. Although I couldn't afford an attorney, and didn't know the law, I asked for joint legal and physical custody, and the female court-appointed mediator stated rather blithely that "joint physical and legal custody don't mean anything." Of course, my ex made all sorts of false allegations to get me out of our daughter's life.
I have taken her to court for denial of visitation five times in ten years, plus the many times I have attempted mediation -- which she would make an excuse not to show up for. I can say that the judge always made me pay her attorney fees -- although I cannot afford one myself. Instead of looking me in the eye, the judge always "takes these matters into advisement."
Although the court is only allowed to take more than %25 of my net for child support, I pay more than that, plus medical expenses. Not to mention that almost all of the court social workers are female with a large chip on their shoulders.
I have read other books on this subject, talked to several attorneys, been to men's support groups,etc. I could go on, but I'm sure you get the picture. No would-be father knows this until he has been put through the mill by both the gender-biased court and his child's mother. In our society, fathers are disposible. We are considered a wallet and a spermbank -- nothing else.

A great explanation of why dads should not expect fairness from the courts. The book hits you at a sub-conscious level, probably causes depression, but helps you to come out fighting for the sake of your kids. Women are coached on how to get what they want from the courts. Fathers have to know their rights, and not expect fairness from the judge without making their case.

I am currently a single parent Dad and have been for 13 years (my ex-wife walked out on me and our family). In that time I raised 3 children single handedly and I waived my rights to child support from my ex-wife as I knew she could never pay anything worth contributing. Now (I'm 49 and my kids are teenagers), my ex-girlfriend and I have a beautiful 1 year old child and I am quickly learning just how ridiculous the laws and society treat Non-custodial parents and worse yet how badly they treat Father Non-custodial parents (regardless of the fact that I am single handedly raising other children).

Despite what some say in these reviews about some Bad Dads (naturally there are some but it has little do to with the inequities in justice on this subject), and Angry Dads (ditto) doing "Ex-Wife" bashing, there is no comparison to the way I and perhaps millions of loving dads feel right now facing huge, unjustified child-support payments, of which I have no control or accounting of how it is spent, stripped of all of my fatherly rights save "visiting" my own child while my ex-girlfriend automatically inherits many powerful rights. She is a successful Attorney and makes a lot of money. It's not that I don't want to support my new son, I do. However, I want to support him with some dignity, some choice, extensive involvement, not only for me but for him as well, so that he can look back and see the dignity of being a caring involved Dad and a Man with choices and the ability to apply those choices. The role model he needs. Many of us fail to recognize that what is in the best interest of a parent is also in the best interest of the child.

I would not have imagined in a million years that things were so bad. Until you have actually faced these issues it is difficult to fathom the inequities and those who are quick to dismiss this book and these issue, likely have never experienced these inequities first hand and should not be evaluating the position many loving fathers are currently in. Some paying thousands and thousands of dollars a month to the extent that even when they can visit with their child or children they can't even take them to a baseball game, or buy them a new bicycle or take them to a dinner and a show in the city. Worse yet, if their other debtors come after them, then they miss some child support payments they can and frequently are thrown in jail without a trial (sounds a bit like the days of slavery). At which point their children too see what seemed to be a loving Dad treated as a criminal. The custodial parent (usually the Mothers) are clearly suppose to be responsible for child support in a pro-rata share - but can they be prosecuted for missing their payments, or for using their support money, or worse yet the father's support payments for a new purse, shoes, etc. No. They cannot.

Let's face it 46 other states (contemplating changing or actually changing laws) can't be wrong, thousands and thousands of good dads who love their kids can't all be wrong, thousands and thousands of Mom's (particularly those with sons who may someday face this mess) can't be wrong. The System needs changes. Anyone who considers this book a composition of angry rhetoric, is short sighted, biased and clearly in denial.

This book is an excellent start to dialogue, awareness and perhaps change. Please read it.

I am doing my share of learning BEFORE I start the paperwork. I've read a couple of other books and found this to give some sound advice.

It does have a very sharp edge against women. But, I've read books for women that have an edge against men.

If you're looking for somethings to help avoid pitfalls and plan, this book has some value. Hey, it's cheap, so if you gain anything, it's paid for itself.