Fathers' Rights: Hard-Hitting & Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute [Paperback]

Jeffery Leving (Author), Kenneth Dachman (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 23, 1998

Millions of fathers are currently embroiled in the fight of their lives to win custody of their children. Wounded by the acrimony and greed that often accompany divorce proceedings, many wonder if they will ever again be an important part of their sons’ and daughters’ lives. With this landmark book, renowned men’s rights attorney Jeffery M. Leving offers disenfranchised fathers true hope and meaningful advice certain to save years of anguish and possibly thousands of dollars.Drawing on more than fifteen years of frontline experience, Leving leads fathers through every twist and turn of the legal system and shows them how to protect their rights (and their children’s)—both before and during divorce litigation.This authoritative and accessible book covers every aspect of the custody process, including protecting the parent/child relationship as a breakup occurs; finding a competent and sympathetic lawyer; drafting a “Shared Parenting Agreement”; demonstrating parental competence when falsely accused of abuse; avoiding parental alienation; determining when to settle and when to litigate; techniques for dealing effectively with psychologists, social workers, and other domestic relations experts; and much more.Illustrated with vivid real-life examples, Jeffery Leving and Kenneth Dachman’s practical guide is essential reading for the scores of American fathers routinely excluded from their children’s lives by a biased legal system in which avarice and recrimination too often overwhelm compassion and justice.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Jeffery Leving has spent more than a decade in the trenches of domestic law. From that perspective, he gives men embroiled in custody disputes a powerful and impassioned voice in Fathers Rights. Arguing that men are disenfranchised and stigmatized by a biased legal system, Leving promises help through such difficulties as finding empathetic attorneys, avoiding unhealthy custody arrangements, protecting the child-parent relationship, and remaining financially solvent. Included is advice on how to demonstrate parental competence when falsely accused of abuse.

Writing with passion for the plight of an under-represented population in the domestic drama, Fathers' Rights offers sound, step-by-step council and a road map through the complex terrain of family law. "Too often a dangerous free-fall ensues," Leving writes, speaking of divorce's aftermath. "At every step in the divorce process, the legal system deepens marital wounds, serving up revenge and recrimination much more often than it dispenses compassion and justice." It is Leving's mission to right the wrongs caused by divorce court. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Booklist

The psychological turmoil of a divorce doesn't provide the best mental frame for a man to evaluate his options concerning his children, a situation that prompted family relations attorney Leving and psychologist Dachman to write this comprehensive guide for fathers facing divorce. The book clearly explains such legal concepts as custody and access to a child and explains how courts determine a fair level of child support. Checklists are given to help in the selection of the right attorney. Possible legal strategies are discussed for ending a case as equitably as possible and for what to do when all else fails ("Going to war"). Not simply a legal primer, Fathers' Rights also analyzes a man's stress levels and pinpoints when counseling may be required as well as ways to rebuild the relationship with a child after the divorce is final. Concise yet empathetic, it should provide real support to any man going through divorce. Brian McCombie --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Basic Books (May 23, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0465023622
• ISBN-13: 978-0465023622
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.3 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (36 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #103,182 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #10 in Books > Law > Family & Health Law > Children
  • #64 in Books > Law > One-L > Civil Procedure
  • #78 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Fatherhood

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

69 of 74 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars A sad disappointment, May 3, 2000

By 

MotherLodeBeth "MotherLodeBeth" (Sierras of California) - See all my reviews
(HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: Fathers' Rights: Hard-Hitting & Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute (Paperback)

Having helped a few male friends fight for Fathers rights when their ex's tried to pull a fast one and use the kids as a pawn in a custody fight I was disappointed that the authors did not provide KEY help, like how in the hell do some fathers who are paying thru the nose, and trying to keep their own heads above water AFFORD an attorney? I am always looking for that ONE great book I can give to men when I sense divorce is in the offing and I am sure the woman will take him for all he is worth and use the kids as the carrot to get more and more.

Sadly this wasn't the book. What we need is a few wise men who have been thru this school of hard knocks to write a co-op book that gives specifics. A book that would list non-profits and lawyers etc who give a damn about the FATHER. Simply because (contrary to popular belief) Fathers are grieving the loss of the marriage and kids and what the future holds. Fathers need a book that says "I understand I have been there and here are the ten things you NEED to do". Heck I was able to help my friends better than this book written by "professionals". Grrrrrrrrr

I had a GREAT Dad and have a GREAT husband and as the Mother of a Son even if he marrys a woman we all think is a gift, I will always want him to be educated about his rights. But for now my quest for a book that will help my males friends continues. Let me know if you know of such a book.

43 of 46 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Anguish of Modern Fatherhood, December 27, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Fathers' Rights: Hard-Hitting & Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute (Paperback)

Although I cannot speak for all non-custodial parents (Typically fathers), I can say that when I discovered this book during the winter of 1998, I felt that the author was almost speaking directly to me. Mr. Leving uderstands that our courts and our court-appointed visitation and custody mediators are profoundly gender biased. Prior to reading Fathers's Rights (How very few there are!), I had attended father-support groups for three years, and I had heard some real horror stories, especially concerning problems with denial of visitation. Mr. Leving acknowledges the fact that most mothers do not consider the fathers' visitation right as important-they view these rights as gifts or privileges for them to bestow at their wim. For the many fathers who have had to fight with the tenacity of a pit bull, this book speaks to them. It is further intersting to note that while our society continually decries the absence of fathers, it fails to acknowledge just how difficult it is for fathers to be granted even a modicum of visitation rights, and how equally apathetic judges are when it comes to enforcing them. Indeed, a father who stands on his rights stands on quicksand. It is my belief that if the mothers do not want the fathers in the childrens lives, than the mothers should not have chldren with the fathers. Instead, most mothers enforce the double standard. Unfortunately, Mr. Leving has no advice for the fathers who are poor and must represent themselves as Pro Se litigents. My answer was to go to the local law library and photocopy the statutes on Visitation and Child Support. I then read How To Reprensent Yourself In Court, published by Nolo Press. The modern father needs to become involved with Father Support Groups, and learn all he can about the few legal rights he has. Reading the statutes on visitation is not all that complex. It is also helpful when you do need an attorney that you know the rules of the game. Mr. Leving's book was, for me, a great place to start.

99 of 112 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars The main problem is that the book wants you in court, August 19, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Fathers' Rights: Hard-Hitting & Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute (Paperback)

This book would have been better if it had been called "If You're a Dad, Stay Out of Court If You Can."

With the increase in divorce and changes in way men want to be spend time with their kids as fathers, it's predictable that the number of custody cases will also rise. But little has changed in terms of gender bias. The mother still typically gets the kids, especially if they are young. After my ex took our daughter out of state when our daughter was two and remarried (her third husband), she thought I should disappear and made visitations increasingly difficult. After five years of this, I went to court thinking I could get better visitations, and, at the least, peace of mind by having he the agreement redone. Although I don't regret going to court because my ex was forced to abide by a clearer agreement, I ended up paying more in child support even though my ex made twice what I did at the time, about 15k to my attorney, and had LESS time with my daughter. (I have a Ph.D., a full time job as a prof, no criminal record, no substance abuse, etc., and I had joint custody when my ex left the state. Even though my ex taught one class a semester as a prof, she had our daughter in full time daycare, and even though she described her new husband as "abusive" both to her and to our daughter, the shrink didn't care.) In my state, the court appoints a "guardian ad litem," a shrink who reports to the court. His or her decision is basically final. You can't take hoim to court and examine him. What happens in cases of conflict, I learned later, is that the shrink always shortens the visitations. So if you are not the custodial parent and a man, the deck is really stacked against you. Thus, I would say that if you can manage to negotiate with your ex out of court, by all means do so. Go to court ONLY AS A LAST RESORT. I had a very good attorney. But there was no way I could win. Moreover, the shrink made a new recommendation each year for the whole coming year, so that cost another 500 each year. The good thing is that it was all worth it in terms of the visitations being made more exact. (In our initial agreement, only th enumber of vistations was agreed to, not their length or their dates.) As my daughter has gotten older, she has begun to see for herself just how how unreasonable my ex is (I decided it was best to let her figure things out for herself rather than comment on them to her). I remarried happily when my daughter was eight, and my wife and I have a two year old son, who my daughter loves. So things have worked out, especially for my daughter and me, but also for her and my new wife, and for my wife and me, because we don't have to communicate with my ex (except about pick ups and drop-offs).

In some ways, the court system is a terrible racket. The courts pass the buck to the shrinks, and the shrinks pass the buck right back to the court. Everyone claims to be acting in the "best interest of the child," but that is just empty rhetoric. So stay out of court, if you can. Present yourself as calm and reasonable if you do go to court, and do not correspond by email with your ex. Also, make sure you research the shrinks. Some of them are very conservative about visitations, others are much more reasonable. And use that "best interest of the child" rhetoric too. Never talk about your own needs. They don't count. Somehow, the idea that a child would benefit from having her father be financially stable and emotionally happy is not an idea that shrinks or the courts care apparently about. Don't talk much about yourself unless asked. Don't talk about your ex, and don't express any anger aout her. Do talk about how much you love your daughter. Cry. Get very emotional about ho wmuch you miss her, how you ar concerned about her. And if you do to court, get an agreement that spells everything out in advance--exact dates, etc, for as long in advance as you can. That cuts down on any need to interact with ex. And of course, never talk to your kids about any conflict over the visitations, even if your ex is, and don't talk to them about your ex either, even if she is the ex from hell. Shield them from the conflict as much as you can.