For over thirty years veteran clinical psychologist Ellen Weber Libby has been helping successful, often-powerful Clients in Washington, DC - a place known for its outsized personalities - deal with their personal problems. One pattern that has emerged out of some 60,000 hours of therapy is what she calls 'the favourite child complex'. In this groundbreaking book, she describes in intimate detail how being the favourite child can confer both great advantages and also significant emotional handicaps. While many of Dr Libby's clients are successful because of their favourite-child status - they have been brought up to believe that they can do anything and are unafraid of challenges - they suffer from an array of personality problems. Behind the outward appearance of money, power, charm, and attractive looks, they feel an intense pressure to maintain the facade at all costs. Sometimes their ability to tell the truth becomes shaky; sometimes intimate relationships are elusive. In a series of chapters that offer insightful vignettes from actual therapy sessions (the identities of clients carefully disguised), Dr Libby explores why parents, consciously or unconsciously, choose a favourite child as well as the long-term effects of being the favourite son or daughter of either or both parents. She also discusses family situations where parents have successfully made each of their children feel favoured and have instilled in their children a healthy emotional balance. She details parental skills and family processes that increase the likelihood of this type of success and that, most importantly, reduce the risk of the favourite child's curse - power corrupted. Illuminating for adults trying to come to terms with their own emotional baggage as well as young parents seeking the best way to rear their children, this book makes for rewarding reading.
The Favorite Child
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"What Libby has done is long overdue. She has developed and expanded on the favorite child complex, a subject that the literature has not given sufficient attention to. The Favorite Child is an invaluable addition to both therapists and lay readers understanding of an important component of personality development within the family structure. This book is a must read for all those interested in the growth of healthy, productive children." --Dr. Howard Halpern, author of How to Break Your Addiction to a Person and former president of the American Academy of Psychotherapists, New York City
"In The Favorite Child Libby shows us in fascinating case studies how parental favoritism hurts individuals and families alike. To be anointed as a favorite child may foster ambition, self-confidence, and a desire to serve but with those positive qualities can also come dispositions destructive in our leaders, particularly, a sense of entitlement and exemption from the rules governing everyone else. In the unacknowledged politics of our families, Libby counsels us, may lie a clue to the troubled politics of the nation. In both spheres, a favorite son (or daughter) is a mixed blessing." --Robert A. Gross, James L. and Shirley A. Draper Professor of Early American History,
University of Connecticut, Department of History
"All of us who have a sibling, or know someone who is one, owe Libby mucho gratitude for transforming her decades of experience and insight into this well-written, well-organized, and highly illuminating book. If one of the goals of any form of self-reflection is to know thyself, this book stands with the work of Oliver Sacks and Richard Powers. I'm looking forward to adding this to my list of references with my book groups. For these times, Libby's book creates a paradigm for considering political candidates and executives." --Rachel Jacobsohn, author of The Reading Group Handbook (rev. ed. Hyperion, 1998), founder and president, Association of Book Group Readers and Leaders
"Dr. Libby's illuminating exploration and her understanding of the profound and complex issues of being a favorite child, challenge us all to be more thoughtful and aware of our impact on a child's eventual character, expectations and performance in the world. Powerful and provocative, this is a must read." ----Ellen Schiff, PhD, psychologist in private practice, Bethesda, Md.
About the Author
Ellen Weber Libby, PhD (Annapolis, MD), is a licensed clinical psychologist who has been in private practice in Washington, DC, for over thirty years. Her professional experience includes the position of clinical director of a mental health center serving a three-county region and service on the faculty at the University of Maryland where she had significant responsibility for clinical training of students.
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More About the Author
Ellen Weber Libby, PhD (Annapolis, MD), is a licensed clinical psychologist who has been in private practice in Washington, DC, for over thirty years. Her professional experience includes the position of clinical director of a mental health center serving a three-county region and service on the faculty at the University of Maryland where she had significant responsibility for clinical training of students.
Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
By JAD
Format:Paperback
This book would have been SO much better if her hypothesis had a leg to stand on. And if she had a better editor...WE GET IT. FAVORITISM EXISTS AND YOU THINK THAT IT IS UNAVOIDABLE. How about providing us with real data about the impacts of favoritism and real suggestions as to how to deal with your feelings of preference for one child over another? Let me save you $15-20 and hours of wasted reading time...The main messages of this book are that the author is related to Scooter Libby (which she babbles about repeatedly), favoritism happens, there's nothing you can really do about it, and it may or may not screw your kids up in the future. Cool. Thanks, Ellen.
Being that I've always felt very strongly that my younger brother was the favorite child and have very recently come to accept that the favoritism shown him has actually benefited ME more than anyone, I thought reading this book would be very interesting for me. While the author's proclamations confirmed some of my beliefs that favoritism can lead a child to an undue sense of entitlement, a lack of concern for rules and for others, etc, I quickly came to realize that these statements are based on her personal experiences, not on actual research. In fact, I could have written this book with the knowledge I've gleaned from my family life...and I probably would have done a better job. If you're interested in reading actual, factual information, rather than just speculation about favoritism in families, skip the first hundred pages, wherein author repeats herself over and over, making sweeping generalizations without backing them up with firsthand research, and go straight to the presented case studies. Or, yaknow what? Talk to your family and friends. They can probably tell you plenty of tales of favoritism. Sorry, Ellen. Just because you've had a career as a therapist and listened to people's life stories doesn't mean that REAL DATA would support your theories.
What a disappointment.
Being that I've always felt very strongly that my younger brother was the favorite child and have very recently come to accept that the favoritism shown him has actually benefited ME more than anyone, I thought reading this book would be very interesting for me. While the author's proclamations confirmed some of my beliefs that favoritism can lead a child to an undue sense of entitlement, a lack of concern for rules and for others, etc, I quickly came to realize that these statements are based on her personal experiences, not on actual research. In fact, I could have written this book with the knowledge I've gleaned from my family life...and I probably would have done a better job. If you're interested in reading actual, factual information, rather than just speculation about favoritism in families, skip the first hundred pages, wherein author repeats herself over and over, making sweeping generalizations without backing them up with firsthand research, and go straight to the presented case studies. Or, yaknow what? Talk to your family and friends. They can probably tell you plenty of tales of favoritism. Sorry, Ellen. Just because you've had a career as a therapist and listened to people's life stories doesn't mean that REAL DATA would support your theories.
What a disappointment.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
By Beverly
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
"The Favorite Child" offers insights into a family issue that has never been fully explored. Favortism is brought out from under the carpet and examined for both its positive and negative implications. This book is highly readable and insightful.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
The Favorite Child is an amazing explanation of children and family issues that all of us are affected by. Dr. Libby shares stories of families and how so many of us struggle with preferences in a family. Everyone should read this book. I highly recommend it to any parent, any daughter, any son.
Dr. Jane R. Snider
Learning Disabilities Specialist
Dr. Jane R. Snider
Learning Disabilities Specialist
Most Recent Customer Reviews
1.0 out of 5 stars
Fluffy and Name Droppy
not what I expected from the reviews or summery. I thought it terrible actually. It slightly touches on the favored child issue but repeats itself over and over and I know way more... Read more
Published 17 months ago by C Lee
4.0 out of 5 stars
A GREAT resource on family dynamics
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
This is an excellent book. The reason I picked it up is simply because I felt I fit into her category (a favorite child). Read more
This is an excellent book. The reason I picked it up is simply because I felt I fit into her category (a favorite child). Read more
Published 21 months ago by rlweaverii
4.0 out of 5 stars
Fascinating and educational for parents
Favoritism surrounds us, everywhere and all of the time. In The Favorite Child Libby states that the favorite child complex is "made up of those conscious and unconscious behaviors... Read more
Published on January 3, 2011 by Story Circle Book Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
Favorite children explained
I loved this book! I found it at our local library, and could not put it down. Ellen Libby is a counselor in the DC area, and the sister-in-law of Scooter Libby, and she writes... Read more
Published on December 19, 2010 by annesailorgirl
5.0 out of 5 stars
A riveting look into the relationships between parents, their...
No one likes being second best. "The Favorite Child: How a Favorite Impacts Every Family Member for Life" looks into a commonly occurring phenomena in families and how it can have... Read more
Published on April 17, 2010 by Midwest Book Review
5.0 out of 5 stars
Very insightful
This book is amazingly insightful about how family dynamics can shape relationships throughout one's life. The examples are right on target and kept me reading. Read more
Published on January 22, 2010 by Sue Pitchford
5.0 out of 5 stars
If you deal with people...
this book is going to help you. Not only does it provide some answers to why some folks who appear to have it made do some pretty reckless things, but it offers insight into how... Read more
Published on January 14, 2010 by Richard W. Gilbert
5.0 out of 5 stars
Outstanding Book on a Compelling Topic
Dr Libby has taken a topic known to all of us intrinsically, but not dealt with until now. It provides the reader, in a readable way, a path to understanding leaders of our... Read more
Published on January 14, 2010 by Tena
5.0 out of 5 stars
Required Reading
What marvelous insight into a phenomenon that is so pervasive but not obvious to the uninitiated. As I read Dr. Read more
Published on January 14, 2010 by Larry
5.0 out of 5 stars
An Engaging, Informative Book
This is an excellent addition to the literature on the psychology of family life. While it is not an unrecognized thought that parents or siblings may favor each other differently... Read more
Published on January 13, 2010 by Stephen H. Shere
