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For Fidelity: How Intimacy and Commitment Enrich Our Lives [Hardcover]

Catherine M. Wallace (Author)
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)


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Book Description

February 10, 1998
In this direct, eloquent, unabashed argument on behalf of sexual fidelity--its meaning, its blessing, its rewards, its necessity--Catherine Wallace addresses a major concern of our time.

At a time when emotional commitments are increasingly nervous, fragile, and short-lived, Wallace's vision of faithful lovers--with its aura of warmth, calm, and emotional continuity--is almost shockingly attractive.

Speaking to heterosexuals and homosexuals alike, she reminds us how deeply the powerful physical tempest that is sexual desire is connected to heart and soul, how immediately and profoundly it spirals to the core of our very identity; how reductive casual sex can be, how easily it can mute, indeed injure, the capacity for ultimate sexual happiness that exists only within the full development of true intimacy--intimacy that arises as fidelity is established and a promise is kept.

What's the difference between fidelity and repression or mere sexual exclusivity? How can people stay faithfully married for decades, while continuing to grow--and to change--as individuals? How do we help our sons and daughters sort through the conflicting messages about sexuality with which they are bombarded from childhood? The author's responses to these and other questions powerfully suggest to us that honor and courage, commitment and kindness to self and others, are indeed within our reach.

Catherine Wallace's gentle, moving, and persuasive argument for fidelity as the core of an entire way of being again and again draws assent from the reader--and provides, at last, a mode of talking with our children about a subject crucial to their success in achieving the fulfilled lives we so fervently wish for them.

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Most churches don't know how to talk about sex. For honest Christians, "Don't do it" and "Don't worry about it"--the most common church teachings, depending on where you come from--are equally unworkable. Furthermore, it's painfully difficult to find books that fully engage the revelations of the sexual revolution and also take seriously traditional Christian teaching on the value of monogamy. For Fidelity: How Intimacy and Commitment Enrich Our Lives by Catherine M. Wallace manages to do just that, in a tone that is never condescending or hubristic and with a style that is always fluid, literary, and humorous. For gay, straight, young, old, married, and single readers looking for guidance about how and when to have sex, For Fidelity offers sound advice. For some, it offers the answer. For everyone, it articulates an ideal of passionate commitment that should not be ignored.

From Booklist

Wallace suspended her academic career in literary theory to raise a family. Out of the latter experience, she turned to what may be called, loosely, family theory--specifically, in the talks and tracts adapted into this book, to sexual faithfulness in marriage and how to raise children to value and practice it. She initially came to her subject, not from religious conviction, but from noting that she and other baby boomers who became parents had arrived at fidelity pragmatically and almost thoughtlessly. Her subsequent thinking eventually arrived at a religious, specifically Christian, understanding. Taking a similar journey of insight with her as she considers sexual fidelity as a discipline, the major theories of sexuality in Western culture, the nature of true intimacy, sexual fidelity as a blessing, and the teaching of fidelity to children by the storytelling of example and experience is an adventure in intellect fused with spirit. Wallace is cogent, erudite, and advanced enough in her attitudes not to quarantine gay couples from straight: sexual fidelity, she asserts, is good for all committed love relationships. Her rich little book is a philosophical argument rather than a prescriptive adviser. It demands and rewards reflective reading and may prove to be a classic on its subject. Ray Olson

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 172 pages
  • Publisher: Knopf; 1 edition (February 10, 1998)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0375400796
  • ISBN-13: 978-0375400797
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.8 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,285,009 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

6 Reviews
5 star:
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Average Customer Review
4.5 out of 5 stars (6 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars If she could convince me...., July 23, 2001
By A Customer
This is, without question, the most wonderful book on the subject I've ever read. She is so eloquent in her prose and so lucid in her pattern of thought that I was, quite honestly, taken totally by surprise.

I, coming from a failed union, had embraced an 'open marriage' with a fervor. This book has been the only one to actually explain why and how my old life was a dead end.

While she does mention God every now and then, most of the comments are toward the end of the book -- long after the punchy arguments you're looking for are made. Any faith-based writing on her part is totally set aside. In other words, you can fully skip over it if you like. The important points totally stand on their own, without mention of religion.

I had read "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch -- long considered to be the Bible on the subject of passion and marriage. I hated it. It didn't speak to me. Where that book has the reader listening to other people's psychological problems and forcing you to try and extrapilate the point, "For Fidelity" tells you the point straight out: no allegory, no BS.

The author has a Ph.D (I think in English) -- and man does it show in the writing of the book.

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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Meaningful, November 5, 2001
It is a rare book that manages to be intellectually stimulating and spiritually satisfying. This is one of those books. Wallace occasionally goes almost to the edge of being too academic or too religious, but redeems herself by meaningful, thought-provoking ideas about what it really means to be sexually faithful: to love one another as whole human beings, to never treat anyone as a commodity to be used, to teach kids about ethics and friendship rather than simply telling them "you'll get AIDS" or "you'll go to hell." These are some of the ideas that give true meaning and value and purpose to our lives, far beyond mere pleasure or avoidance of pain. Wallace manages to stay out of the mainstream without actually attacking it. Read this book if you long to believe that monogamy is the way to go and need some intelligent, loving reasons to back up your opinion.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars It sees both sexuality and fidelity as blessings, May 10, 1999
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This review is from: For Fidelity: How Intimacy and Commitment Enrich Our Lives (Hardcover)
As a person who has done sexuality education with people of all ages over the past 25 years, I welcome this book that is framed in a discussion of the nurture and transmission of moral tradition. Not because it is a how-to manual for parents, but rather because of its examination of why this is important for children and adults alike, straight or gay. The author sees our sexuality as a blessing, and includes an excellent trip through Western Christian ideas about sexual feelings and reproduction to help us recognize the unexamined assumptions that lead to inappropriate guilt. In fact, the whole book is built on the concept of blessing from love, intimacy, parenthood, and even, when necessary, divorce.

This does not mean that she does not understand the stresses and strains that come from living together in the real world, along with the challenges of raising children, and working together as we and the world around us change over time. She has written a book from real life experience that celebrates sexuality and morality together. It provides a rich resource for thoughtful parents and adults.

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