Customer Reviews

Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work & in Life, One Conversation at a Time

5 star:		(52)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

Susan Scott has written an outstanding book on how to use everyday conversation to cut through the politics of work relationships and start talking about what we are all "pretending not to know". I was consistently impacted while reading it, not so much that the material is brand new, but that it is presented in such a way that the opportunities and misses of my own interactions were obvious.

One of the topics discussed is called "Mineral Rights", a type of conversation designed to get deep, past the surface and into the truth of what is going on. The approach accomplishes four purposes: Interrogate reality, provoke learning, tackle tough challenges, and enrich relationships. It has been my experience that this rarely happens in corporate America, and is rarer still where I work now. The book uses examples from various companies that have identified their core values and been honest enough with themselves and others to start acting on them. The many questions posed throughout the book, and the sections at the end of each chapter are a great way to start interrogating reality in your workplace. The answers usually are "in the room" if we can really get honest and start looking for them.

In addition to some great business council, much of the book focuses on how we get honest with ourselves. Often we are the problem, and our own inability to truly understand where our own issues lie, is an essential journey to better facilitate the kind of change we want in our business or relationships. Another great approach used is the "Decision Tree" to help build empowerment in others. Communicate clearly what decisions can be made and what must be communicated to others. (Page 252). Her insights into how silence is an effective communication tool, both internally and in interactions with others, were right on.

While this was all excellent, and perhaps the most well written summary of engaging communication approaches, what was the most powerful for me were the sections on our "emotional wake". We all leave an emotional wake behind us as we engage in conversations with people. The question is, what kind of wake do we want to leave? How do we want people to feel? This served as a great wake up call for me while reading.

Overall, this book is so full of great wisdom and insights I couldn't begin to do it justice here. From the opening examples to the very useful questions in the back and the study guides throughout, I believe this to be one of the best books on business and personal communication I have read. It is both deep and practical, both academically sound and real world tested, and is written in such a way that it felt like a conversation itself. Highly recommended!

Susan Scott was a corporate coach who realized that people are hungry for authentic communications. She takes the concept of authenticity and mixes it in with good leadership practice to produce a book that is filled with practical advice in one's professional and personal conversations.

I am generally put off by simple "formula" approaches to dealing with tough issues, but Scott mixes the importance of reflection and courage along with a simple structure. As a corporate consultant who was using this book as a resource, I was prepared to write it off as too "pop" or simplistic, and instead found solid reference to the importance of showing onesself, understanding the value in recognizing that each party to a conversation brings their own set of "truths," and grounding our conversations in a solid understanding of who we are and where we want to go. Furthermore, she makes a point of using listening as a key strategy for leaders -- one that is often talked about, but rarely reinforced as ably as it is here.

Some of Scott's examples are stilted and overly simplistic,she holds herself up as a model of perfection a little too often, and she ocassionally lapses into self-help verbiage that is annoying, and a distraction from a solid product. Nevertheless, for those of us who need to persuade others about the importance of authentic one-on-one communication, or for those of us who forget the magic of intense one-on-one communication with those we care about, this is worth reading and acting upon.

If we have ever needed a book like this, now is the time. Just think what could have happened at Enron, WorldCom, etc. if people had been willing to talk to each other about what was really going on? This is both a "think about this" and a "here's how to use it" book that can give people the courage and tools to tell others what they are seeing and believing. Don't be put off by the title, Fierce does not mean you get to beat everyone up - it really is an invitation to, as the author says - interrogate reality. Susan Scott does an effective job in weaving her three big ideas about conversations through the book. The ideas are simple yet powerful and can change the way we talk both to ourselves and to others. She captured me right away with the first concept; that our lives (and work) succeed or fail one conversation at a time, including those conversations we don't have. The book is an easy read. The concepts are clearly presented both in theory and with amusing stories and, best of all, there are practical tips on how to use the information. I enjoyed reading it and putting the principles into action. I'll be giving copies to friends and colleagues. This is one of those books that belongs both at home and the office.

This is a worthwhile book for personal and leadership development. It contains practical tools such as:

1) The Decision Tree for delegation and professional development
2) A confrontation model
3) Questions for one-to-ones (fuel for discussion with colleagues and direct reports)
4) A Leader's Stump Speech: Where am I going? Why am I going there? Who is going with me? How will I get there?
5) The concept of our "Emotional Wake" - worth reading and pondering about. "An emotional wake is what you remember after I'm gone. The aftermath, aftertaste, or afterglow."
6) The image of the crucible to remind us that our job is "simply to hold, so that whatever needs to be said, what needs to be heard, can safely be said and heard."

And much more....

There are also many fresh metaphors -- one is tempted to keep highlighting the book. Rich quotations, references to books, music, poetry.... good examples and stories.

I also appreciated the "Assignments" and Brief Summaries at the end of each chapter.

Most breakdowns in life have some connection to conversations -- conversations not had, conversations that go poorly, or conversations not yet even imagined. There are a number of good books on conversations and this is one of them.

I tend to refer my coaching clients to "Fierce Conversations" when they are having trouble getting motivated and avoid a lot of uncomfortable conversations (compared to recommending other books for those who botch difficult conversations).

Susan's section on "stump speeches" is good for gaining clarity on personal vision (i.e., where are you going, why, who is going with you, and how will you get there?).

Once clear on "where you are going," it's time to start noticing and speaking about what "you're pretending not to know" (otherwise known as breakdowns -- yours or others).

Although "Fierce Conversations" doesn't cover the underlying emotions like "Difficult Conversations" or "Nonviolent Communications" do, or the styles under stress (silence or violence) as "Crucial Conversations" does, it does have some good discussion on "interrogating reality" (with an emphasis on questions and remaining curious) and identifying your own role in conversational breakdowns.

Fierce, difficult, crucial, nonviolent -- whatever you call these conversations, they're at the core of all meaningful relationships. I can definitely recommend "Fierce Conversations" to the mix of books on skillful conversations.

"Fierce...robust, intense, strong, powerful, passionate, eager" - good words for real relating. Susan Scott puts it into her four purposes of a fierce conversation: interrogate reality, provoke learning, tackle tough challenges, and enrich realtionships. Like most really useful authors, she stresses individual responsibility. There are useful checklists and reviews. "Burnout happens, not because we're trying to solve problems, but because we're trying to solve the same problem over and over." This quote begins the 4th chapter - "Tackle Your Toughest Challenge Today," which has techniques for getting to the core of the difficulty in looking for a solution. It is one of many useful approaches in this book. I will share this book with others as well as continue to learn from it. Like all books of this kind (self help), only putting the ideas into action makes a real difference, however, the perspectives gained from reading are of value in and of themselves. The book is indexed, which I like, although not a great index. Occasionally, I felt the author introduced an idea without quite enough follow-through; still, I found a lot to value. Other books in the same vein that I value are the books from the Harvard Law School Negotiation Project (such as Difficult Conversations, and Getting to Yes), Tongue Fu by Sam Horn, and, to stretch the vein a bit, Everyday Ethics by Joshua Halberstam.

This book offers numerous useful principles that will help anyone become a better conversationalist and a more responsive listener. Read carefully because gems of very valuable content are scattered through the entire book, a sentence here, a quotation there, buried in long, interesting digressions about the author's life, people she's known and clients she's worked with over time. A judicious editor could have made a very sharp and effective pocket book out of this material, which is about managing intense, strong discussions with skill. As it is, you'll have to do some digging, but you'll have a perfectly good time doing it, particularly if you are a fan of New Age mantras and can handle a little touchy-feely vocabulary. We assure you that the lessons you'll learn about conversations - including fierce ones - will stand you in good stead.

I think the most important point that this book struck home for me was that you, and only you, are responsible to bring up things that matter to you. If something is bothering you, you need to find the courage to have a conversation with the person that can make a difference. Many people go through life putting off those "difficult" conversations, and letting things just happen by default. This book makes it clear that those very conversations that people avoid are the really important ones that can change your life. By having them, you can change your destiny.

I have seen this great book unfolding over the years as I have learned from her training sessions and listened to Susan Scott and seen her fierce determination to communicate about the "the art of communication". So much of our interaction and communication over the years is rendered ineffective because we use the wrong words, avoid conflict, or have the "put off to later" attitude. Susan has captured the answers to clear communication in a way that makes it possible for all of us to be great communicators. The exercises are extremely helpful and the step by step approach helps to make more concrete the skill sets. Her examples enliven and enrich the concepts and make them real. There have been many books written on communication. This one captures at the deepest and yet most basic level the simple rules to make "all" conversations effective both in business and in our personal lives. Ultimately we all have the same objectives: to improve relationships, to listen better, to communicate more effectively, and to be understood. Thank you, Susan, for giving us the very best way to get there "one conversation at a time!"

I listened to both this and "Difficult Conversations." I found that "Diffiicult Conversations" offered much more helpful, concrete advice, and the material was much better organized. I was disappointed that the emphasis of "Firece Conversatons" was almost entirely on business related conversations. Example after example focused on her executive clients. After listening to this program, I felt no more prepared for conversations with friends and family than before. There were a few helpful ideas, but they were presented much more clearly in "Difficult Conversations." "Difficult Conversations" gave me real, practical strategies that have made a big difference in my ease in bringing up tricky conversations and working through them with positive results.