A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar. It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, "You've got to be kidding me, son." The bartender replied, "New policy. Everyone has to show their ID." Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II.
It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back.
In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past—Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.
In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks
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Book Description
Frequently Bought Together
Editorial Reviews
Amazon.com Review
Guest Reviewer: Seth MacFarlane
Seth MacFarlane is best known for creating the animated sitcoms Family Guy, American Dad! and The Cleveland Show. Reading In Fifty Years We’ll All Be Chicks opened my eyes to three things: 1) Adam is a top-notch complainer, probably the best in the world, 2) America is in serious trouble, and 3) Adam is hilarious. Adam uses this book to break down our societal shortcomings using the combination of logic and humor that he’s perfected. He made me glad that I never leave the house. Going out entails interacting with the general public, and the general public is dumb (no offense to those of you in the general public). And when I say dumb, I don’t mean the innocent kind of dumb like a dog that thinks his reflection is another dog. I mean the dangerous kind of dumb, like Lennie in Of Mice and Men—good-natured, mentally limited, and tremendously powerful. You leave your house one morning to get groceries, and you end up getting your neck accidentally broken by the guy giving you directions out of the parking lot. In Fifty Years We’ll All Be Chicks is less of a book, and more of a guide for how to be a better man and/or woman (mostly man). Buy this book. Don’t buy it because I told you to; buy it because it’s funny. Buy it if you think Phillips Head is an alt rock band or if you wear V-neck T-shirts. Definitely buy it if you call appetizers “tapas” or if “LOL” is anywhere in your vocabulary. Buy this book and study it.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Review
"Carolla...has keen political instincts and a vision for common sense."
--New York Post
"Laugh-out-loud funny… [Adam Carolla’s] invective-filled screed is often completely politically incorrect, and always completely hilarious."
–AOL's Popeater.com
"If comedy books were big-breasted porn stars, In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks would be Christy Canyon."
--Bill Simmons, ESPN columnist and bestselling author of The Book of Basketball
"Adam Carolla is a genius. And no, I'm not kidding."
--Jimmy Kimmel
"Reading Adam Carolla is akin to having a horrible illness. Alone with your thoughts, you struggle with whether you want to even go on living. When you're done, you're a stronger, better person."
--Alec Baldwin
"If you’re a man, read this book. If you’re a man who wears turtlenecks, wise up. Nobody thinks that looks good."
--Seth MacFarlane
“I don’t know this guy from Adam, but Carolla’s humor—fearlessly crass, shamelessly honest and irresistibly funny—sucks out like liposuction the layers of fatty pride to expose the often warped and wounded psyche buried deep within the modern American male.”
--Ken Burns
From the Hardcover edition.
--New York Post
"Laugh-out-loud funny… [Adam Carolla’s] invective-filled screed is often completely politically incorrect, and always completely hilarious."
–AOL's Popeater.com
"If comedy books were big-breasted porn stars, In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks would be Christy Canyon."
--Bill Simmons, ESPN columnist and bestselling author of The Book of Basketball
"Adam Carolla is a genius. And no, I'm not kidding."
--Jimmy Kimmel
"Reading Adam Carolla is akin to having a horrible illness. Alone with your thoughts, you struggle with whether you want to even go on living. When you're done, you're a stronger, better person."
--Alec Baldwin
"If you’re a man, read this book. If you’re a man who wears turtlenecks, wise up. Nobody thinks that looks good."
--Seth MacFarlane
“I don’t know this guy from Adam, but Carolla’s humor—fearlessly crass, shamelessly honest and irresistibly funny—sucks out like liposuction the layers of fatty pride to expose the often warped and wounded psyche buried deep within the modern American male.”
--Ken Burns
From the Hardcover edition.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
115 of 133 people found the following review helpful
By bobkondz
Format:Hardcover
If you already know Adam's body of work I don't need to convince you.
For those looking to judge the book by the cover and are just looking to complain how the 'man show guy' is being a 'sexist pig' - take the time to read the pages and, if you have an open mind, you will find yourself laughing at his takes and actually agreeing with many.
The book is actually rather well written and organized perfectly to keep the reader entertained. Although it is laid out to be more of a bathroom reader, you will likely find yourself not being able to put the book down and eventually wanting more.
For those looking to judge the book by the cover and are just looking to complain how the 'man show guy' is being a 'sexist pig' - take the time to read the pages and, if you have an open mind, you will find yourself laughing at his takes and actually agreeing with many.
The book is actually rather well written and organized perfectly to keep the reader entertained. Although it is laid out to be more of a bathroom reader, you will likely find yourself not being able to put the book down and eventually wanting more.
92 of 111 people found the following review helpful
By Kevin Hench
Format:Hardcover
50 years? Oh, that we had that long. Unlike most of these "reviewers" I've actually read this book and can honestly say Carolla writes with a jaunty combo of pith and panache that evokes the best of Hemingway, Mailer and Rickles. Makes a great ironic gift for your boss, if your boss is Gloria Allred.
28 of 34 people found the following review helpful
By Mr. Twisted
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
As the title of my review suggests, this book is 3/5th awesome.
Why did I word it that way? Allow me to explain.
I didn't give the book three out of five stars because it was just "ok." Rather, I gave it three out of five stars because 3/5th of the book is outstanding and the rest is....filler.
The first half of the book made me laugh out loud regularly and want to stand up while saying "yes! Exactly!" His commentary is spot on and needs to be read by every wimpy, "progressive-minded" person out there. As well as all the chicks who want guys to be more sensitive. Oh and a whole host of politicians.
Where the book fails is in the obvious filler that exists in the second half of the book. It is very clear that he had half of a book's worth of material and the publishers said "hey, you need more stuff. So just look around your house for stuff to complain about."
The second half comes across exactly that way -- like a guy who just walked around his house and/or the grocery store and said "yeah, I don't like that. I'll rant about that for a page or so." Pizza? Pie? Do I really want to read Adam Carolla whine about why cake is inferior to pie but sells more? No.
In short, he does an excellent job of pointing out some of the absurdities in how our lives have become increasingly feminized and how men have, by and large, completely given up. And he does so while making the reader laugh regularly. That is, if the reader isn't a completely wimp-a-fied weenie already.
Had the book been cut in half, I would give it five stars.
Why did I word it that way? Allow me to explain.
I didn't give the book three out of five stars because it was just "ok." Rather, I gave it three out of five stars because 3/5th of the book is outstanding and the rest is....filler.
The first half of the book made me laugh out loud regularly and want to stand up while saying "yes! Exactly!" His commentary is spot on and needs to be read by every wimpy, "progressive-minded" person out there. As well as all the chicks who want guys to be more sensitive. Oh and a whole host of politicians.
Where the book fails is in the obvious filler that exists in the second half of the book. It is very clear that he had half of a book's worth of material and the publishers said "hey, you need more stuff. So just look around your house for stuff to complain about."
The second half comes across exactly that way -- like a guy who just walked around his house and/or the grocery store and said "yeah, I don't like that. I'll rant about that for a page or so." Pizza? Pie? Do I really want to read Adam Carolla whine about why cake is inferior to pie but sells more? No.
In short, he does an excellent job of pointing out some of the absurdities in how our lives have become increasingly feminized and how men have, by and large, completely given up. And he does so while making the reader laugh regularly. That is, if the reader isn't a completely wimp-a-fied weenie already.
Had the book been cut in half, I would give it five stars.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent work by the Aceman
Carolla gives his fans a home run effort on this book. Podcasters will love it and those who have not been exposed to his rants will find themselves drawn into the mind of the... Read more
Published 12 hours ago by PETER J AMSTUTZ
4.0 out of 5 stars
Uneven but funny
You can hear Adams voice as you read this book so I guess he wrote. Laugh out loud funny at times.
Published 6 days ago by Jeffrey H. Leavitt
4.0 out of 5 stars
evenly split
Pretty typical Adam Carolla. Best when read doing a silent impression of him. I agreed 100% with half of it and disagreed 100% with the other half.
Published 12 days ago by David M. Carroll
1.0 out of 5 stars
You murdered a tree for this!!! REALLY!??
I've read 5th grade book reports that were more interesting than this garbage. Waste of cash. I want my money back!
Published 15 days ago by Marcus Aurelius
5.0 out of 5 stars
The Man is a Genius
Don't let the title fool you, Carolla rants about everything under the sun.
Crude? Sometimes.
Hilarious? Without a doubt.
Highly recommended.
Crude? Sometimes.
Hilarious? Without a doubt.
Highly recommended.
Published 16 days ago by Zero % Irish
4.0 out of 5 stars
Good guy fun
Carolla writes economically and pungently; his frankness is refreshing and his references to male anatomy are frequent. Read more
Published 19 days ago by Stan Kerr
5.0 out of 5 stars
In Fifty Years I'll Be Dead But Still Laughing Because of Reading This...
First time reader of anything by Adam Carolla. In fact, until I found this book, I didn't know who he was. Read more
Published 21 days ago by Vincent Malloy
2.0 out of 5 stars
An extended stand up act or the script for a standup act
What happens when a comedian who is also a talk show host writes a book? The book ends up like a script for the stand up act or the radio show. Read more
Published 24 days ago by Nona
3.0 out of 5 stars
Read this because I liked Taco Bell Material, but was a little...
Read this because I liked Taco Bell Material, but was a little disappointed by this book. Kind of boring and not as funny as Not Taco Bell Material.
Published 25 days ago by Wulffman
4.0 out of 5 stars
well written and funny
Very astute, but also very funny take on the quirkiness of modern society. Any fan of Adam Corolla should enjoy this book.
Published 1 month ago by Gregory Weiss
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