Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In [Hardcover]

Laurie Puhn (Author)

Book Description

Release date: October 12, 2010

Harvard-trained lawyer and family and divorce mediator Laurie Puhn shows busy couples how to stop fighting and start communicating.

It happens every day—a simple exchange or harmless response turns into a heated debate or worse, an all-out battle. Hard-pressed for quality time with our partners and spouses, it’s easy to fall into a poor communication routine. How can two people who love one another so much have such difficulty talking to one another?

Drawing on her expertise in legal mediation and conflict resolution, Puhn’s fresh approach gives simple, 5-minute conversations that will instantly improve communication—as well as the quality of relationships. In Fight Less, Love More, learn how to identify and conquer the poor verbal habits, instinctive responses, and emotional reasoning that can cloud judgment and ultimately lead to the deterioration of otherwise healthy relationships.
Love is conditional, argues Puhn, and for love to survive, couples don’t need to talk more—they need to talk better. With exercises, examples, and sample scripts, Puhn’s simple 5-minute strategies promise immediate results and provide long-lasting communication skills that couples can confidently employ when faced with future conflict.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

As a Harvard-trained family and divorce lawyer and couples mediator, Puhn is extremely well qualified to speak to communication difficulties in relationships. In this book, she outlines tactics to improve communication, avoid unhealthy behaviors, and better appreciate your partner that are simple to implement, remarkably effective, and will benefit couples in relationships troubled and healthy alike. With advice that is nonjudgmental, extremely efficient, and clearly understandable, Puhn covers all aspects of romantic relationships, from problems like infidelity to boundaries giving couples of every strip something of benefit. Sections, chapters, and goals are clearly delineated and well positioned, with research bubbles (adultery is often a consequence of believing that one's marriage is already in trouble) and quotes from the familiar (Oprah) to the refreshing (Churchill) make for a light, easy read. Eschewing frustrating vagaries, sweeping generalizations, and gender-based assumptions, Puhn's extremely specific guide focuses on simple, rational solutions that primarily revolve around maintaining respect for one's partner. Readers will gain a great deal from her contribution to the genre.
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Review

Women and men may be from different planets, but Laurie Puhn's insightful advice will show them how to speak the same language and create a relationship of mutual respect and support. Fight Less Love More makes the considerable task of improving your relationship astonishingly simple, and gives couples the tools they need to create their own happiness. John Gray, Ph. D., author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

 

 

Laurie Puhn offers a no-frills book about how to have a great relationship. Fight Less, Love More contains brilliant and precise advice; the underlying implication being that healthy, loving couples are sane and smart--a sentiment that shines through on every page of clear, sensible information. I would recommend it as required reading for any couple. Harville Hendrix, Ph. D., author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

 

Most everyone I know would be willing to invest 5 minutes a day to improve their relationship.  Laurie Puhn shows us how to use those few minutes to build lasting love. I highly recommend Fight Less, Love More. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages

Perhaps no conflict is more problematic for more people than that between partners and spouses.  In this practical handbook, Laurie Puhn offers sound and pithy advice for today's time-pressed couples on how to deal with their differences in a smart and kind manner. William Ury, Ph. D. co-founder Harvard's Program on Negotiation, co-author of Getting to Yes and author of The Power of a Positive No

 

Laurie Puhn hands couples who have lost their way a roadmap back to the relationship they want. Smart, empowering, and insightful, Fight Less, Love More offers real-life strategies for ending the cycle of fighting, hurt, and poor communication in which so many couples become entrenched. Rachel Greenwald, author of Find a Husband After 35 and Have Him at Hello

No matter how much two people love each other in the beginning, at some point most couples end up in the same fight over and over--and inadvertently stepping on land mines that restart it all once again. Laurie's new book explains how to step beyond habitual patterns and reconnect with the person you fell in love with. Susan Piver, author of The Wisdom of a Broken Heart and The Hard Questions

Ever been in one of those here-we-go-again arguments with your mate, wishing someone could step in to help you sort things out once and for all? That's where Laurie Puhn comes in. Written with humor and directness, her book will help you create the loving communication that you long for. Read it now before you're tempted to say, "honey, can we talk?" Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men

"With advice that is nonjudgmental, extremely efficient, and clearly understandable, Puhn covers all aspects of romantic relationships, from problems like infidelity to boundaries giving couples of every strip something of benefit. Readers will gain a great deal from her contribution to the genre." Publishers Weekly

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Rodale Books (October 12, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1605295981
• ISBN-13: 978-1605295985
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.8 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (41 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #265,155 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Harvard-educated attorney and couples mediator Laurie Puhn has a private practice in New York City. She is an author, national speaker, Huffington Post blogger and television personality, who has appeared on Good Morning America, Weekend Today Show, The CBS Early Show, Good Day New York, Fox News Channel, Imus in the Morning.

Laurie's newest book is a national bestseller. "Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In" received rave reviews from readers and leading reviewers including Publishers Weekly. Her first book, "Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life," was nominated for Best Motivational Book of 2005 by the MS Society's Books for a Better Life Awards Program. It is a Book-of-the-Month Club and Literary Guild selection. Laurie interactive website is www.fightlesslovemore.com. Follow her on twitter @lauriepuhn

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

26 of 26 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars A simple way to improve the quality of your relationship October 15, 2010

By E. Swope VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)

I have to admit that as a psychologist, I approached Laurie Puhn's book Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In with a bit of skepticism. I suspect I am not alone in thinking of attorneys as people one would be more likely to turn to to end, rather than renew a relationship. All that said, after reading this book I am impressed by her insights about and knowledge of human nature and marital relationships. What's more, I am hopeful, in seeing that the issues I have faced are not unique and can often be easily resolved. I suspect that many people who read this book will quickly recognize themselves, their spouse or both, and be armed with some tools to disarm stubborn issues which come between you.
In Fight less, Love more, she identifies typical types of fights and provides discrete methods and scripts to defuse them. She also identifies character traits we can adopt ourselves and encourage in our partners to cultivate a healthier relationship, in addition to identifying common problems, also with solutions. She further illuminates her descriptions by providing examples or case studies drawn from her own life as well as from her practice.
I appreciate the depth of her understanding, and strategies for defusing roadblocks, nagging issues, as well as ways to prevent problems from arising in the future.
For each scenario she provides a "5 minute conversation" which addresses the issue gently but firmly. I got a lot out of reading this book, and for the most part, found it enjoyable to read.
My only withhold (and why I gave it four starts instead of 5) is that I felt like sometimes she was a bit repetetive, pushed the "5 minute conversation" too far, . That is, I got a bit weary of the phrase. However I do not want to diminish it too much. It sounds like a good strategy, one that is simple to follow, and one which I suspect could help a lot of people. It was only the overuse of the phrase which I found irksome.
It is one of the best books I have read on the subject in terms of it's content and one I believe I will benefit from, and recommend to others.
Read this before you head to a lawyer. there may be hope for a better outcome!

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Very effective advice October 26, 2010

By Lance1973

Format:Hardcover

My partner and I genuinely benefited from reading Fight Less, Love More. It's an enjoyable and worthwhile read. Here's why: the author offers advice that is logical, effective AND most importantly *actually plausible* to implement into your daily routine. There's actionable advice contained here. The book is really about teaching how to deliver messages and convey views within the context of a relationship.

Puhn sprinkles in relationship case studies derived from her own life and practice. I found these case studies shockingly relatable.

I'm reminded constantly that my partner and I are not only, well, partners... but we are also roommates! We share a living space - it is the micro recurring spats that often result in communication breakdowns. Puhn's advice had remedied a lot of this in my relationship.

By the way, I bought Fight Less Love more after I watched Puhn's interview on Good Day NY. I was impressed with Puhn's sincerity and insight, both of which flow through to this book.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Communication preventive care primer for your relationship September 25, 2010

By Pippa Lee VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)

We all hope for our romantic relationships to be happy and long lasting. We think real love is real when it shouldn't require work. After all, isn't it said that love conquers all and that love is unconditional? We believe that love, real love, magically will allow us to read our partner's mind and help us say and do the right things at the right time. But when reality sets in, and our partner's quirks and bad habits drive us up the wall, we find ourselves unable to articulate our unhappiness without an explosion of anger and frustration.

In "Fight Less, Love More," Laurie Puhn introduces the 5-minute conversation technique to help readers and their partners communicate effectively. Ms. Puhn, divides her book in three parts. In Part One, she establishes the conditions under which love thrives and lists the reasons (or excuses) that may prevent people from making the effort to work on healing their relationships. In Part Two, she addresses specific conditions that usually lead to conflict, such as rudeness, negative criticism, stubbornness, lack of appreciation and lack of confidentiality. She also shows the readers how to fight productively, meaning, both parties communicate their needs clearly, negotiate so that both are happy with the outcome, and still love and respect each other at the end of a fight. Finally, in Part Three, she encourages the readers to cultivate optimism since it'll bring about a Can-Do attitude and the commitment to work for the relationship.

"Fight Less, Love More" teaches good communication as a means to improve and nurture a loving relationship. Even though it deals with at least one big destructive issue, cheating, I like the fact that the emphasis is on the everyday irritants that can slowly corrode the relationship. Little things like not greeting your partner with a simple "good morning" or failing to thank him for picking up the milk even though it's something you expect him to do, can and do create resentment. The step-by-step 5-minute conversation examples are ways to approach your partner in a respectful manner in order to solve and/or prevent conflicts. "Fight Less, Love More" is a realistic and practical book as Ms. Puhn's advice can be adapted and used in any interpersonal relationship. To me, it has given me an insight on my own communication patterns and habits. I recommend this book to those who want to learn to listen and speak effectively in order to prevent friction and bickering from poisoning their relationships and their lives.