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Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving Lasting Love Paperback – March 27, 1996


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 352 pages
  • Publisher: Jossey-Bass; 2nd edition (March 27, 1996)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0787902802
  • ISBN-13: 978-0787902803
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.9 x 9.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (50 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,128,595 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"To learn to fight right, couples can read books like Dr. Markman's Fighting for Your Marriage, which teach such skills as listening without criticizing or interrupting, setting ground rules for discussion, and scheduling meetings to talk about issues calmly." —Woman's Day

"For martial therapists like me who give homework assignments to couples, Fighting for Your Marriage is a gift. And for those couples who want to work on their marriage without a therapist, it is a book I highly recommAnd." —Anna Beth Benningfield, president, American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy

"Fighting for Your Marriage offers the clarity couples need to understand how to change, plus wonderfully constructive and effective techniques for putting it into action." —Andrea Van Steenhouse, psychologist and talk show host, Denver

"Here is a manual, a users guide for one of life's great adventures. Fighting for Your Marriage marks a turning point in relationship self-help books. It is essential reading for couples who care." —from the foreword by Dean S. Edell, M.D., medical journalist

Review

"A divorce prevention society should be formed to place a copy of this book in every hotel room in Niagara Falls-scratch that, every hotel room in this country. Every wife or husband struggling to say married, especially happily married, should read this book." — Maggie Gallagher, coauthor, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, & Better Off Financially

"I love this book! If you want to be happily, successfully married, buy it, master it, and it's all you'll every need. While you're at it, buy a copy for every couple you love. You won't need one for your kids, they'll learn by watching you." — Diane Sollee, founder and director, Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.


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Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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This is a great book with a lot of practical application.
mjmj
Utilizing the tools outlined in this book on conflict management and effective communication techniques can change your life, and your marriage!
Mr. H
Though we thought we had become good at communicating, this book brought us to a whole new level.
Georgia Peach

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

223 of 228 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on January 23, 1999
Format: Paperback
My husband and I married in our mid thirties thinking we had a lock on good communication skills and knowing we were mature enough to really make this marriage work. Nonetheless, it wasn't long before we were "mired in muck". When a small conflict arose, we found ourselves so caught up in being right and fighting our point to the death that small events escalated into huge issues. We could feel the good things in our relationship slipping away and felt helpless to fix the problem. (This was AFTER reading probably 20 different books on marriage, doing the Barbara D'Angelis program, the Gary Smally Program, attending several couples workshops, etc.). Contemplating calling it quits on our marriage, I happened accross this book, loved it, then went to a PREP workshop. Our marriage is AWESOME. We actually know how to hear and be heard and have the skills to RESOLVE the conflicts. (By the way, note the "I". My spouse hasn't read the book and refused to go to the workshop.) I learned the skills and used them in our marriage and our relationship changed. It even works with kids, in-laws, co-workers.... Yippee!
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57 of 58 people found the following review helpful By Georgia Peach on December 14, 2005
Format: Paperback
This book is wonderful! My husband and I have read many marriage books throughout our 19 year marriage, and this one (read when we had been married for 13 years) made the biggest difference in our marriage. Though we thought we had become good at communicating, this book brought us to a whole new level. With the speaker-listener technique, the "speaker" feels such comfort in knowing that the other person has truly heard what he or she is trying to communicate. This is achieved by having the "listener" repeat back what the "speaker" has said without any judgement or defensiveness (this is key). The listener can find comfort in knowing that THEIR turn will come next, when they can then express their thoughts and feelings and even respond to the other person's original comments. There are certain "below the belt" comments that are prohibited, which lend a feeling of safety, so that one is not afraid to bring up volatile subjects. Often, before we read this book, I felt I had three choices if I was unhappy with something in our marriage. I could say nothing and put up with up it (bad choice #1.) I could talk to him about it as nicely as I could think of, but he was often defensive and would become angry and not open up and truly listen to what I was saying (bad choice #2.) Or, I could talk to him about it as nicely as I could think of, and he would see how his actions were hurtful and cry but not truly have understood enough to make much of a change in the future (bad choice #3.) This just made me sad and feel guilty and didn't change much about the situation. So, by implementing the ideas in this book, and adding a "Please do not get sad and cry" rule, it was as if a barrier on certain issues was FINALLY passed. If I could, I would buy this book for every married couple I know, those having trouble AND those who just want to enhance their already stable marriage.
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98 of 106 people found the following review helpful By By Neil Gibson on February 14, 2005
Format: Paperback
I give this book a "5" on content, and a "2" in presentation. It is just too dense - - too hard to read. Couples in crisis don't need to know how to build the watch - they need to know the time.

So, in the interest of time, get a book by the same author, "12 Hours to a Great Marriage." It takes all this hard to digest theory and makes it workable. THEN, you can go back and read this theory after you've applied the good concepts.
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30 of 31 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on August 8, 2000
Format: Paperback
This book should be required reading for all couples getting married. If only I had read this book first, I could have avoided a lot of the bumps along the marital journey and saved myself and my spouse a lot of grief. Based on sound research and full of excerpts from real couples' lives, this book is now my favorite gift to newlyweds. It gives you great comfort to know that the arguments you and your spouse have occur in all marriages at different times. I highly recommend this to anyone who is looking at making their marriage last for the long haul!
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24 of 25 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on January 1, 2002
Format: Paperback
I read the original version of this book at the library and bought my own copy because it was so helpful. The book explains specific negative patterns that develop in marriages, and gives specific, workable techniques to really resolve conflict and strenthen the relationship. Issues such as validation, rebuilding trust, building effective communication patterns, and enhancing the fun in the relationship are covered. I highly recommend this book for anyone in a serious relationship and I wish I had found it long ago. It is easy to read with many specific examples and humorous touches.
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16 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Donald Kim on July 7, 2009
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I probably wouldn't have read this book if it weren't for the premarital counseling that I'm currently undergoing as the date of my wedding approaches. Not that I have any real objections to marriage and relationship books; I just haven't made it a priority to read them. A bit disappointed with "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus," my first and only--that is, until now, I was left with the impression that books on relationships cannot get away from presenting caricatures of men and women. I'm glad now that I didn't stop there.

"Fighting for Your Marriage" has the feel of being more of a strategy guide for effective communication than a how-to formula for a cookie-cutter successful marriage. I didn't get the sense that I have to follow everything in the book to make marriage work. Instead, it reminded me of the different perspectives in relationships without making heavy generalizations of male and female roles. Understanding how these different perspectives result become key in honing the right communication skills for a stronger marriage.

The book begins with the four hallmarks of a great relationship: 1) be safe at home, 2) open the doors to intimacy, 3) do your part and be responsible, and 4) nurture security in your future together. Though these sound like four tasks that need to be done, the book builds on these four hallmarks conceptually to present four important aspects to marriage life.

Part one: "Understanding the Risks on the Road to Lasting Love." One chapter covers ways couples destroy their relationship: 1) escalation, 2) invalidation, 3) negative interpretations, and 4) withdrawal and avoidance. Then, special attention is placed on how changing times means changing roles and rules.

Part two: "Teaming Up to Handle Conflict.
Read more ›
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