Customer Reviews

Final Conversations: Helping the Living and the Dying Talk to Each Other

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This book is a treasure chest of stories and recollections of those who have participated in final conversations with loved ones. Those stories and recollections are told in the actual voices and words of those recounting their final conversations. And that's what makes this book so compelling. It is packed full of wisdom, insights, and inspiration from people who have experienced this final conversation. Those who have been there share the rewards, blessings, and impact on their own lives that these final conversations have had.

The authors have divided the book into several themes that emerged out of their interviews with people who have had a final conversation. Those themes include messages such as saying good bye, saying I love you, talking about everyday things and reminiscing, sharing spiritual messages, using non verbal communication to communicate, and healing damaged relationships. It shows that you can approach the final conversations in a variety of ways and address a variety of needs. And it clearly shows that any of these methods may be effective and rewarding for both the person in the final stages of his or her life and for the person left behind.

Most people, when asked, report that they want an opportunity to talk with a loved one at least one more time. This book helps you gain the insight, courage, confidence, and skill to have a rewarding final conversation---one that leaves you with no regrets, that mends old hurts caused by a difficult relationship, and/or that makes certain that you maintain and nurture the relationship until the very end.

Each story may not exactly fit your situation, but by picking and choosing, you will be able find ideas and tools to make the best of the final opportunity to say "I love you" and "goodbye" to loved ones in the final stages of their lives.

The authors, both communication scholars and experts, provide advice on how to be most effective during your final conversations. They give those readers less confident in their communication skills ideas on how to approach their own situation.

Yes, I have more confidence in approaching the final days of someone I love, but I also experienced an unexpected benefit---one perhaps not expected by the authors. That benefit is the realization that life is a gift---one that end all too soon, and this book provided me with inspiration and ideas that will help me use my final days to advantage. That is, I have a better notion of how to say goodbye to family and friends in a way that will let us celebrate our time together and express the love we have had. And that is a gift these authors have given me---one that I will always cherish.

After reading this several times now, each time I learn something different about myself and my conversations with those I've lost and loved. Unfortunately, I've recently experienced a death in my family and this book came in very handy. It's true, there weren't many if any books I encountered that helped me through the final days. It's uncanny how the two authors capture the voice of every individual they interviewed and brought every memory shared back to life. It's remarkable and a book I recommend to everyone. I know everyone's experiences are different, but all can benefit from this. Although your experience may be different, there are so many similarities people can identify with. Take comfort in knowing that not just the authors, but those interviewed have walked down the path you may walk down one day and know that those who went before you are there to help guide you through this book.

"Final Conversations" was just named a Book of the Year 2007 in the Consumer Health Category by the American Journal of Nursing. As a nurse educator myself, I found it most useful in understanding what family members and friends go through when trying to say goodbye to a loved one. "What should I say?" is a common question and judging from the interviews Keeley and Yingling conducted with over 80 people about their final conversations, I can answer with confidence: "Start with `I love you' and see where it goes from there." The authors found common themes to these conversations, such as spirituality, everyday concerns, and forgiveness, but love was the most frequent and enduring theme. As useful as the book is for those in nursing, palliative and hospice care, it is primarily a readable and helpful resource for those facing the death of a loved one.

As the child of a loved parent in failing health, I found the vignettes real, heartfelt, and gripping. Told by real people who have already been there with a dying loved one, these stories tell us 1) that every final conversation is unique and 2) that we each can face those last interactions and do it well. In particular, the "advice to the living" found at the end of each chapter will both inform and inspire those who want to say a good goodbye. I wholeheartedly recommend this book for both professionals who must deal with death, and the family and friends of dying loved ones.

This was just an old library book. I thought this was current book. I was alittle disapointed. I think it should of stated old library book. Had other peoples experiances but would rather have solid information..

Reviewed by Tyler R. Tichelaar for Reader Views (4/07)


"Final Conversations" by Keeley and Yingling is a long overdue book in the field of grief and death literature. Most books about death deal with grief or the death process; this book helps the grief process before death occurs so that interaction with the dying is a meaningful experience that leaves no regrets for the living.

Keeley and Yingling interviewed eighty-two people about their experiences with the dying and how they talked to their loved ones before the end. "Final Conversations" is primarily advice about how to talk to a dying loved one in a way that brings comfort to both the dying and the living. This conversation is referred to as "F-C talk" or final conversations talk. The book enlarges "conversation" to mean communication, be it verbal or by touching and body language. Different examples are proposed regarding how to say "I love you" or how to express love, if the words are difficult to say, by non-verbal communication, such as taking care of business for the dying, touching, and just spending time.

The book is broken into several chapters on different conditions that mark "F-C talk," most notably how people deal with a death based on age--whether the person having the conversation with the dying is a child of a dying parent or grandparent, a teenager, someone middle-aged, or an elderly spouse. One of the most interesting sections was on spiritual messages--signs that the dying may be partially in communication with the life beyond, or signs after they died that they had come back to give a message or in some way comfort those left behind. The authors do not go in-depth into this area, but the examples reaffirm life-after-death in ways similar to many books on out-of-body experiences and reincarnation. An extremely useful part of the book was the section on healing broken relationships. Many examples were given of siblings or parents and children who heal a difficult relationship, or how the living can feel at peace even if the dying is unable or unwilling to have a healing final conversation.

My only criticism of the book is that no dying people were actually interviewed about their experiences with final conversations. The book is more for the living to cope with the process of losing a loved one. The authors stated they did not interview any of the dying who had had final conversations because they did not wish to add to the stress of dying for those people. However, I would have liked to hear from the dying what they most wanted and needed from people as they were dying. While I understand the difficulties of interviewing the dying, I think a chapter of interviews with the dying would enrich the book; the authors could perhaps interview the terminally ill who had "F-C talk" but then survived.

"Final Conversations" is a much needed book that is long overdue. It will be extremely helpful to anyone facing the loss of a loved one, or people who have lost someone and are grieving, or questioning themselves about what they did or should have done for a lost loved one. While it is a how-to book in some ways, the authors point out that their examples are not strict guidelines for how to talk to the dying, and that every relationship is different. The authors give good guidelines, but the real strength of the book is the stories of those who lost loved ones--reading "Final Conversations" is almost like being part of a grief support group. Both Kelley and Yingling should be commended for this important work.

Received book free of charge.

"Most people die the same way that they lived."

By writing "Final Conversations," Maureen Keeley and Julie Yingling have really given a gift to the world. Dying is a topic we often shy away from because frankly it scares us to think of life ending. This book however is a very healing read and addresses all the concerns you may have about dealing with the death of someone you love.

The authors guide the reader through the process of dealing with death in a practical way. By reading this book filled with real-life examples you will be better prepared to face a loved ones' death and to learn from the experience.

One of the stories that stood out for me was the beautiful story of a father who hums a song to his daughter over the phone just days before he dies. Since he can no longer talk this is the only way they could communicate. As she sings along with his humming they are still able to connect in a profound way. This book also explains how to communicate with someone when they are incapable of verbal communication.

There are some interesting chapters in this book that explore how children deal with death and how adults deal with the death of parents who they didn't really get along with. In the end love is all that counts and these brave souls face seemingly insurmountable challenges.

Normally I can finish a book in a matter of hours but this book took me a great part of the day to read and absorb. The lessons I learned will help me deal with the death of those I love. This is an especially important book that everyone should read!

Here are a few other book I can highly recommend:

Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies

When Death Occurs

A Garden of Love and Healing: Living Tributes to Those We Have Loved and Lost

Grief Expressed: When a Mate Dies

Unspeakable: The Truth About Grief

I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One

Facing the Ultimate Loss: Confronting the Death of a Child

Grieving God's Way

~The Rebecca Review