Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying [Paperback]

Maggie Callanan (Author), Patricia Kelley (Author)

Book Description

Release date: February 3, 1997

Five years after its first publication, with more than 150,000 copies in print, Final Gifts has become a classic. In this moving and compassionate book, hospice nurses Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley share their intimate experiences with patients at the end of life, drawn from more than twenty years experience tending the terminally ill.

Through their stories we come to appreciate the near-miraculous ways in which the dying communicate their needs, reveal their feelings, and even choreograph their own final moments; we also discover the gifts—of wisdom, faith, and love—that the dying leave for the living to share.

Filled with practical advice on responding to the requests of the dying and helping them prepare emotionally and spiritually for death, Final Gifts shows how we can help the dying person live fully to the very end.

Editorial Reviews

From Kirkus Reviews

Impressive insights into the experience of dying, offered by two hospice nurses with a gift for listening. The ``final gifts'' of the title are the comfort and enlightenment offered by the dying to those attending them, and in return, the peace and reassurance offered to the dying by those who hear their needs. Callanan and Kelley describe a phenomenon they term ``Nearing Death Awareness''--which resembles somewhat the near-death experience sometimes reported by individuals revived after being clinically dead. Nearing Death Awareness, however, develops slowly, and the dying person seemingly drifts for a time between two worlds. Attempts by the dying to communicate about this awareness, often expressed in symbolic language or gestures, may be misunderstood by those around them, who dismiss the expressions as mere ``confusion.'' According to the authors, dying messages fall into two categories: descriptions of what they are experiencing (such as the places they see, the presence of others no longer alive, or their knowledge of when death will occur) and requests for what the dying need for a peaceful death (a reconciliation, for instance, or the removal of some barrier to departure). To illustrate, Callanan and Kelley include numerous examples of Nearing Death Awareness from their years of caring for the dying. And they offer practical advice not only to involved family members but also to professional caregivers on how to recognize, understand, and respond to a dying person's messages. No lugubriousness or false cheerfulness here, but acute observations and astute advice on a difficult topic. -- Copyright ©1992, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

“A treasure–clear, authentic, responsible, and profoundly moving.” —Sandol Stoddard, author of The Hospice Movement

“Beautifully written, illuminating and reassuring…Final Gifts is truly a gift to us all.” —Judy Tatelbaum, author of The Courage to Grieve

“These richly told stories enable us to respond to the dying in new and authentic ways.” —Ira R. Byock, M.D., author of Dying Well: The Prospect for Growth at the End of Life

“Impressive insights into the experience of dying, offered by two hospice nurses with a gift for listening…They offer practical advice not only to involved family members but also to professional caregivers on how to recognize, understand, and respond to a dying person’s messages.” —Kirkus Reviews

“A hopeful, helpful work…provides a gentle way to think about the unthinkable.”—Publishers Weekly

“A treasure…‘must’ reading for anyone working with the dying, or living with a dying person or life-threatening illness, or thinking about the process.”—Vital Signs

“Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley have garnered a wisdom and sensitivity, and cultivated a keen observation that only the dying could teach.”—Sunrise

“Insightful. Final Gifts is a significant contribution. Experienced hospice nurses Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley shed important light on human experience at the end of life. I highly recommend this helpful book to all who care for the dying.”—Dr. Balfour Mount, Professor of Palliative Medicine, McGill University

“Irrespective of belief system, age or diagnosis of the dying person, Final Gifts conveys the awe and profundity of the moments surrounding death that we all feel.” —Madalon Amenta, R.N., M.D., Public Health Editor of The Hospice Journal

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 239 pages
• Publisher: Bantam (February 3, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0553378767
• ISBN-13: 978-0553378764
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.7 x 8.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (377 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #30,805 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #47 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Sociology > Death
  • #92 in Books > Self-Help > Death & Grief > Grief & Bereavement

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

180 of 181 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Comforting, if you don't know what to do... June 27, 2000

By Quaker Annie

Format:Paperback

....read this book!

Over the past few years, when faced with the information that someone I'd known was dying, I did - nothing. Retreating, I was terrified of my own mortality and of what I might do if I were around someone who was dying. Would I say the wrong thing or nothing at all? Would I cry, or do something to inadvertently hurt them? What is dying like? This book is great as a comforting instruction manual on what happens, what to do, and what not to do.

It begins with information about what happens to the body when it is in the process of dying, then moves into experiences the authors have had in dealing with people who are dying, or whose loved ones are dying. They have helpful information throughout the book for those, like me, who were unsure about what to say or do.

They include individual stories about messages people send when they are approaching death and how not to miss them; seeing people who have already died and what that may mean; symbolic dreams and how to let the dreamer find the meaning; choosing a time to die (not by suicide); waiting for a person to arrive or an event to happen.

Family and friends often ignore this precious information. It seems illogical, far out, too much like stories about abduction by aliens. We brush them off as hallucinations, caused by denial or possibly drug-induced.

When I first heard volunteers, nurses and others who work in hospice tell stories of people who have similar Nearing Death Experiences (not to be confused with "Near Death Experiences"), I was dubious. However, in my readings and hospice volunteer work, I find that these stories are universal, timeless and not as new age-y as I'd thought.... We've been ignoring these wonderfully soothing stories of how people die, because for years we've moved birthing and dying out of the family and into hospitals. We are beginning to move them back.

If you've lost a loved one, are dealing with someone who is dying (yourself or someone else), if you avoid visiting friends who are dying or if you're struggling with your own awareness that someday you will die, please read this book. It will put your mind at ease. Read more ›

127 of 129 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars This book changed my life. May 31, 1999

By [e-mail] Kelle Quist

Format:Paperback

My father was diagnosed 4 years ago with colon cancer. He endured several operations, many chemotherapy treatments and although he fought to live, he was told in December 98 he had 90 days to live. My aunt bought this book for my mother in December. All 5 children have read it and participated in my fathers death (he passed away on April 23, 1999). This book saved us so much pain and helped the grieving process more than I can say. My dad's final journey was exactly like so many of the trips described in this wonderful book. We helped him pack the car and go home. We miss him terribly but I now believe there is a place much greater than this. (I didn't start reading the book until the afternoon my father was dying and I couldn't believe the things I was seeing before my eyes).

I feel I learned about a "big secret" that mysterious thing called death. I will never be afraid to go once my time comes. Buy a copy for everyone you know is dealing with a terminal illness. This is not just a book for cancer patients or elderly people.

These two woman (and the hospice program) deserve a medal. Thank you for soothing our broken hearts. Bless you all!

85 of 88 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Read BEFORE death is imminent... change lives and deaths January 5, 2004

By Julie Jordan Scott

Format:Paperback

"Final Gifts" was suggested to me after I spoke to an old friend who called to talk to me after being told he had a week to live. There were many gems within which helped me to communicate well with him and his wife (another close friend) in his final week of life.

I am very grateful I was able to read this as my friend was dying instead of after he was gone. I strongly suggest people begin reading this book as soon as they know death is possible: before it is imminent.

We need to demystify the dying process and stop being afraid of it. This book does a great service in that direction.

44 of 44 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Empowering and comforting May 27, 2002

By Kellie

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Final Gifts is the most practical, empowering book I've ever read.

What I appreciate most about the book is that it is empowering and comforting to both the loved ones of the dying and the dying themselves. In fact, I own 3 copies of Final Gifts and I loan them out to friends, family and acquaintances when I hear they have a loved one who is dying. To a person, they have returned the book to me and said it dramatically changed their lives and their perspective on how to approach their loved one and his/her death.

The book is about the gifts that the dying person has to pass on to the survivors (and vice versa), even when it may seem the dying person is incoherent or drugged beyond understanding (this is often when he/she needs to communicate most). In a nutshell, Final Gifts encourages caretakers and visitors to pay attention to the communications of the dying, to learn the communication methods of the dying (they often use symbols to communicate--the authors explain how to decipher these), and to acknowledge that the dying need those around him/her to be honest about the situation and encourage openness in their communication.

The book is also very comforting in its description of numerous case studies observed by the two authors. They explain what the dying experience (it's actually very positive) and how to let go.

My mom was the primary caretaker of her mother when she was dying in 1984. My mom read this book 15 years after her mother's death, and even after so much time, my mom found comfort in the answers and explanations she discovered in the book. As she read each chapter, my mom would comment to me that she found many connections between her experience with her mother and what she learned in the book......things that were confusing in 1984 now made sense, such as her mother (who had been quite serene and sharp until her final weeks of life) "talking nonsense" at times or becoming agitated in certain moments. My mom just thought her mother was "out of it" due to the drugs, or that perhaps she was experiencing a near-death dementia of some sort, but now she sees that her mother was speaking in symbols, trying to communicate her thoughts and needs, and most importantly, her gifts. My mom is glad she read the book even 15 years after her experience with her mother, but she regrets that she didn't have it when her mother was dying. My mom feels she missed out on a great deal by not having this information, and the book would have been tremendously empowering and comforting during that tumultuous time.

EVERYONE should read this book. EVERYONE--regardless of educational level (it's a fast and easy read), personal or professional background.

When you don't know how to help someone whose loved one is dying, give them this book. I promise, it will aid them and comfort them beyond measure. Read more ›