Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, A Psychiatrist's Own Story [Paperback]

Loren A. Olson M.D. (Author), Karen Levy (Editor)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 8, 2011

Dr. Loren A. Olson has frequently been asked two questions: How could you not know that you were gay until the age of forty? Wasn't your marriage just a sham to protect yourself at your wife's expense? In Finally Out, Dr. Olson vigorously answers both questions by telling the inspiring story of his evolving sexuality, into which he intelligently weaves psychological concepts and gay history. This book is a powerful exploration of human sexuality, particularly the sexuality of mature men who, like Dr. Olson, lived a large part of their lives as straight men - sometimes long after becoming aware of their same-sex attractions.

Publishers Weekly:

Olson, a psychiatrist and father of two who came out at 40, begins his first effort by answering a question: "How could you not know you were gay until you were 40?" He relates years of feeling like an outsider, and not quite masculine enough, and explores the cultural and personal barriers that kept him from self-discovery.

Less a handbook for coming out late in life than one man's story of doing so, Olson's always-compassionate voice asserts the importance of being true to oneself. The complexity of applying the label "gay" is a central thread, and the focus is on older men, though not exclusively--this could be of use to men of any age struggling with sexual identity.

Bolstered by his expertise as a psychiatrist, Olson capably explores issues of self-image, identity, self-esteem, and depression, as well as history, culture, morality, law, and religion in relation to homosexuality. Olson's own story is compelling, but as a writer he better handles the less-personal material. But ultimately Olson's book is engaging, and helpful in illuminating the coming-out processes.

National Alliance on Mental Illness

Going beyond simply retelling the coming out story of a middle-aged, married man, Olson s thoughtful and provoking memoir details the difficulty in not only gaining acceptance in society, but learning to accept one s self.

Foreword Reviews:

For those who have struggled with coming out, Olson's expert combination of private struggle and professional reflection will prove invaluable. His down-to-earth, conversational tone makes the work even more accessible.

Olson's journey is a captivating tale rife with abundant introspection and analysis.

Library Journal:

Part memoir, part psychology book for the lay reader, Finally Out is informative and compassionate. Olson succeeds in offering himself as a sort of role model and in providing vital information to older gay men. Inspirational.

LibraryThing Early Reviewers Program:

This book will be valuable for any person who finds homosexual acts to be sinful. Finally Out should be on reading lists for all queer/gender/sexuality studies.

Dr. Bernard J. Brommel, co-author of Family Communication: Cohesion and Change:

Finally Out represents a carefully reasoned book about all human sexuality. Lay readers, both gay and straight, will relate his ideas to their own lives, and professionals in social work, religion, psychology, and sociology will find this book invaluable.

Amity P. Buxton, author of The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families and founder of the Straight Spouse Network:

Finally Out is a much needed book that fills out our picture of how gay men come to terms with the apparent dichotomy between their rational assumptions about the two sexes and their own set of sexual attractions that do not fit that norm. An insightful read.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Loren A. Olson, M.D. is a gay psychiatrist who came out at forty. A father and grandfather, he is also a Distinguished Life Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association and a recipient of the "Exemplary Psychiatrist Award" from the National Alliance on Mental Illness. He has presented findings from his research on mature gay men at the World Congress of Psychiatry in Prague. In 2009, Dr. Olson legally married Doug Mortimer, his partner of twenty-four years. They live on a farm in Iowa where they produce grass-fed beef from their herd of Belted Galloway cattle.

Product Details

• Paperback: 280 pages
• Publisher: inGroup Press (April 8, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1935725033
• ISBN-13: 978-1935725039
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 9 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #174,110 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #10 in Books > Gay & Lesbian > Nonfiction > Coming Out

More About the Author

Loren A. Olson, MD, DLFAPA is Certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology and was recognized by the American Psychiatric Association with the peer-nominated award of Distinguished Life Fellow. After having been nominated by his patients, he received the "Exemplary Psychiatrist" award from the National Alliance for Mental Illness.

Dr. Olson's professional career has been spent treating and advocating for people who experience thought and mood disorders. For many years he served as a medical executive for two of the largest hospitals in Iowa, working to improve the quality of care in their psychiatric programs. He has also taught psychiatry to psychiatric residents, medical students, physician assistant students and a variety of other allied health professionals. Prior to his psychiatric training, he served as a Flight Surgeon in the United States Navy.

Dr. Olson has received awards from the American Psychiatric Association for his writing and editing. He has conducted independent research on a non-clinical population of mature men who have sex with men. He was inspired to write about the subject because of general lack of professional and lay information on the subject of coming out of the closet at mid-life or later.

Dr. Olson has served as a psychiatric consultant to re reporters on a variety of psychiatric subjects. He has contributed to articles on physician attitudes about health care reform, how same-sex marriage may effect life expectancy, drug abuse and drug diversion, "sexting" for seniors, and mature male sexuality.

He has been a contributor to a variety of blogs and has written essays on telling his grandchildren about his gay marriage, coming out of the closet, the effect of tolerance of same-sex relationships on rates of HIV, health care reform, and assisting his mother in her decisions about how to die. He has been interview many times for newspapers, radio and TV.

Dr. Olson was married previously and is the proud father of two daughters and the grandfather of six children. His experience as a father has given him a very personal exposure to the centrality of children in the lives of gay men who are dealing with a decision about whether or not to come out of the closet. He has found that there are very few LGBT resources available for seniors.

After the Iowa Supreme Court found, in a unanimous decision, that the Iowa statute limiting civil marriage to a union between a man and a woman violates the equal protection clause of the Iowa Constitution, Dr. Olson and his partner of over 20 years were married at Plymouth Church in Des Moines, Iowa, on September 26, 2009, an occasion celebrated with 300 of their friends.

Dr. Olson and his husband, Doug Mortimer, live on a farm in Madison County Iowa -- near one of the Bridges of Madison County -- where they raise Belted Galloway cattle. They are very involved in sustainable agriculture and the production of grass-fed beef. Dr. Olson was featured on the subject of raising grass-fed cattle on a program on the national cable TV channel RFD-TV.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Prepare to be enlightened...and encouraged. August 10, 2011

By S. Georgescu

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Dr. Olson has given us a template for the times in his book "Finally Out". Given the large numbers of men who have come to the realization that they are indeed gay...no matter what their age when they discover it...this book can be utilized as a reinforcement of the feelings that come flooding out of nowhere when the discovery of their true self is revealed.

Using his background of experience and expertise, Dr. Olson melds these two areas, along with factual and accurate studies done on the subject of homosexuality into a well rounded arrangement. Since this book is part personal and part professional, the two aspects jell into a cohesive combination that can help the men who the book is aimed at, while teaching others who are puzzled and perplexed as to why such a lifestyle change can happen so "late" in life. The real key here is not that it can happen at age 40 (and be considered late), but that it can also happen in successive decades on into ages 80 and over.

Another critical component of this book that shows the human side of life is how Dr. Olson bares his soul multiple times when he describes some of the real life situations he faced while discerning his real place in the world as a gay man. The fact that his ex-wife and daughters (and grandkids) are all solidly in the corner of he and his partner Doug, is an indication that despite his turmoil inside that he may not have always been doing the right thing, it has somehow worked out just fine. Relationships are hard work, and no matter if it is with your partner, or your extended family...not to mention former social friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc., the rewards are out there to be had if you continue to forge on and follow your heart and soul. This is what Dr. Olson has done. Not only in redefining his life, but by undertaking this book and allowing others to share in his knowledge and experience...so that they may also benefit and prosper.

Men need to know they are not always held to the stereotypical standards that society has earmarked for them. You can be tough as nails and still be gay. You can be athletic and butch as hell and still be gay. You can be whatever you like...but more than anything you have a right to be happy and you have a right to love someone with your full being...and if that someone happens to be another man who is the object of your desire, then this book is proof positive that you can do just that.

This book is a real gem in that it is sincere, genuine and certainly non-judgemental (even to those who cast a derisive eye to the gay community). It is one man's story of how Loren has made his way in the world. Those who know him personally or those who have read his work here are lucky that he chose this forum to share his story. Prepare to learn about a tremendous man and prepare to learn about yourself...or those around you who may have embarked on a similar journey.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars An Honest Tale August 17, 2011

By J. Douglas Bremner

Format:Paperback

Psychiatrist and author Loren Olson writes an honest and unique story of what it is like to come out as gay at the age of 40. One of the strengths of this book is that not only is it empowering for people who have suffered similar identity and lack of self esteem issues related to coming to grips with their sexuality when it deviates from mainstream views about family and sexuality to see a psychiatrist tell a story that matches theirs, it is also very useful to have a medical and mental health expert offer a cogent and readable summary of the scientific literature and facts related to what he calls the MLM or men loving men. He uses this term to highlight the fact that many men who have sex with men, even exclusively so, do not identify themselves as "gay". They often live in conventional marriages with women and have families. They may say they "love" their wives but are not sexually attracted to them. MLM men see being openly gay as some sort of political statement that they don't agree with, i.e. they want to be seen as mainstream or conventional. But as Dr. Olson points out this can lead to a kind of schizophrenic existence, where certain "limits" are put on their sexual encounters, like no kissing, which serve to depersonalize the experience and detach it from loving connections with other human beings. The world of men living in this shadow world was something I hadn't thought of before, since as a straight heterosexual I didn't know much about it, and it is interesting as a student of behavior and mental health. But something I find equally interesting was Dr. Olson's experience of losing his father at the age of 9 and some of the conundrums he experienced as a result of that, like not knowing how to start a lawn mower. Losing a parent as a child is a wrenching experience and I would have liked to learn more about how that affected him (maybe we'll learn about that in his next book). I say that at the risk of someone jumping up and saying that I am going to attribute his sexuality to looking for a lost father. A comment like that is merely psychobabble since I honestly don't think we have much control of which way our sexuality develops. I comment on this because I explore the loss of my own mother at 4 1/2 in my latest book and I have only met a handful of people who have lost a parent in childhood, have seen few books about it, and only from another psychiatrist (In Her Wake).

Doug Bremner, author of
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Necessary Guide June 12, 2011

By Baron Book Review

Format:Paperback

When I saw Finally Out--Letting Go of Living Straight on the LibraryThing list, the subject matter intrigued me. I have an uncle as well as friends who are gay so I thought I could learn something from the book.

Dr. Olson is very informative and provided a ton of data and statistics on a multitude of topics. Much of the information is taken from past studies, medical literature, interviews and the like. The book is basically a compilation of all this information and presented in one consolidated location. Almost like a textbook or reference book. Finally Out is a great "self help" type book for those people questioning their sexual orientation later in life--both the individual with those questions and the spouse of that individual. Beware, however, if you are more on the conservative side. There is explicit language and activities mentioned in there.

All that said, I was prepared for a totally different of book. I was looking forward to a more personalized story. There were some blurbs about Dr. Olson's personal journey but I was expecting much more of his story. All the data provided could be found on the internet if someone were inclined to do some research. I wanted to hear more about his thoughts, emotions and feelings--what he went through during that time in his life.

I guess if I were in the situation of needing a book to let me know I'm not alone, this is the book I'd want. On the flip side, if I was looking for more of a touchy-feely book (no pun intended), I don't think this is the book I'm looking for. Based on those thoughts, I'm giving this book 3 out of 5 stars. It's well written and full of information, just not the book I was expecting.

I received this book free from the publisher through the LibraryThing book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."