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Finding the Boyfriend Within: A Practical Guide for Tapping into Your Own Source of Love, Happiness, and Respect
 
 
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Finding the Boyfriend Within: A Practical Guide for Tapping into Your Own Source of Love, Happiness, and Respect [Hardcover]

Brad Gooch (Author)
2.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (38 customer reviews)


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Book Description

June 10, 1999

In the tradition of the perennial bestseller I'm OK, You're OK, noted author Brad Gooch offers single and coupled gay men a provocative, sophisticated, and inspirational guide that addresses the big issues of love, romance, and being alone. Part memoir, part self-help, Finding the Boyfriend Within is a remarkably practical and helpful guide in the quest for self-discovery for the thousands of gay men who despair of ever being in a committed relationship.

"Why don't I have a boyfriend?"

This was Brad Gooch's own question, which he'd frequently heard echoed by others in his many conversations with friends. Then one night he came home to his unkempt, empty apartment and paused for a moment to consider the clutter and casual chaos that filled his space. He imagined transforming it for a romantic encounter, and in an experiment, he cleaned the apartment, lit a candle, prepared himself a cup of warm milk, put on some soothing music, and drifted off to a deep and peaceful sleep. He was still alone, of course, but he had treated himself as though it was a special occasion. This was his first date with "the boyfriend within."

Now he chronicles his courtship of the inner figure who is both our ideal lover and the self we must nurture and grow, to help us prepare for and sustain a real-life relationship. Filled with anecdotes, romantic advice, problem-solving suggestions, and humor -- as well as wisdom from both the East and West -- Finding the Boyfriend Within offers simple self-awareness exercises toward the respect, happiness, and love that come first, and most enduringly, from within. Chapters begin with a thought-provoking question whose answers will help readers discover their own boyfriend within: a daily touchstone that can help transform all friendships, love affairs, and long-term relationships. Gooch challenges the reader to get in touch with the inner self and to understand that in many ways our relationship to that inner self -- the boyfriend within -- is our primary relationship. By getting to know that boyfriend within, and by coming to understand his needs, then we are more likely to be a whole person, content within ourselves, and ultimately more receptive to finding an actual boyfriend.

Finding the Boyfriend Within is sure to garner a positive response for any gay man who desires a sense of connection and commitment in these increasingly isolated times.


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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Brad Gooch's take on the self-help genre is a self-described gay updating of Helen Gurley Brown's Sex and the Single Girl, and it's a sensible, straightforward--and welcome--addition to the field. Who is the Boyfriend Within? Simply put, he embodies "qualities we find attractive in ourselves but often imagine others to possess more fully, as well as ... dormant qualities we wish to nurture and grow." This growth process takes place through 16 "Awareness Exercises" that range from identifying the behavior patterns that might be keeping you from having a boyfriend to planning dates with your Boyfriend Within. (And before you crack any jokes, he really does mean dates--be they quiet evenings at home, neighborhood walks, shopping trips, or other activities.) Gooch's own inner boyfriend is a bit like a male version of Midge, the Barbara Bel Geddes character in Vertigo, a constant (but not flashy) source of "sanity, peace, happiness." But, he emphasizes, that's just his own--the love of your inner life may turn out to be completely different. The exercises in Finding the Boyfriend Within hold great promise for fostering self-knowledge and the cultivation of one's goals, not just in romance but in all aspects of life. --Ron Hogan

From Publishers Weekly

In this guide for gay men searching for greater self-acceptance, Gooch genially advises readers to live every day as if they were expecting to entertain a dream lover for tea or dinner. The unkempt house, long a symbol of the bachelor, is a sign that the "inner boyfriend" is neglected. Gooch is not a psychologist. His credentials are based on having hashed out his own failed relationships and those of his friends over many brunches. Influenced in addition by therapy, his experiences in ashrams, the work of such authors as Rilke, Thomas Merton, Marianne Williamson and the Sufi poet Rumi, Gooch offers reflections on his own experience and linked "awareness exercises" that are meant to strengthen the reader's relationship with himself. In recommending what amounts to an automatic writing excercise, Gooch asks the reader to invoke his inner voice to learn the answers to recurring questions that may cause him pain (e.g., "Why don't I have a boyfriend?"). Other exercises suggest listing neurotic behaviors and "attractive qualities of the 'package' that is you." While Gooch may be given to unreflective acceptance of the prevailing gay cultural standards of physical perfection and an ideal lifestyle, his good-natured advice won't steer anyone wrong. Agent, Joy Harris. Author tour.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 176 pages
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster; 1ST edition (June 10, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0684850400
  • ISBN-13: 978-0684850405
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.8 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 2.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (38 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,123,916 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

38 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
2.4 out of 5 stars (38 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars A waste of paper, September 22, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: Finding the Boyfriend Within: A Practical Guide for Tapping into Your Own Source of Love, Happiness, and Respect (Hardcover)
When I first found this book I had recently broken up with my boyfriend. This book, I thought, sounded like something that would help me over those post-relationship blues. Well, it did alright! I was too busy alternating between groaning at all the little "cutesy-isms" in the book, complaining at the over-simplifications and being generally angry about the number of trees that were chopped down to print the book. Frankly, it reads like a Cosmopolitan article in which the genders have been changed and pages of useless padding added. This book has about as much relevance to being gay as a paint-by-numbers set has to the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
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30 of 35 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars FBW much like Gooch in person: Shallow and Self-absorbed, September 22, 1999
This review is from: Finding the Boyfriend Within: A Practical Guide for Tapping into Your Own Source of Love, Happiness, and Respect (Hardcover)
I read FBW as a lark--after having met Brad Gooch at a bar and then going on a dinner date with him while visiting NYC last fall. At dinner, we talked about his upcoming book, its premise, his recent bookcover "photo shoot", etc. Never once did Gooch ask me a question about myself. Now I read his book and understand why. It is as pleasant, shallow, narcissistic and self-absorbed as I found him to be. Just in case he reads this (which I have little doubt he will), he WAS attractive, but, as anyone who read the book can attest, he can tell you that.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars My Boyfriend Within doesn't care for this book, July 11, 1999
This review is from: Finding the Boyfriend Within: A Practical Guide for Tapping into Your Own Source of Love, Happiness, and Respect (Hardcover)
Brad Gooch's "Finding the Boyfriend Within" is a huge disappointment.The text is badly organized and the style is rambling and beyond narcissistic. After reading it and performing all the little exercises, you're likely to find all you've got is a legal pad filled with various colored lists itemizing good and bad points about yourself.High school guidance counselor stuff really. The whole premise of the book is a canard...after applying the "FBW" technique to himself, all Gooch seems to have achieved is the ability to pamper himself a bit more than he already has. The book is overloaded with self-serving references to his fabulous good taste in brand-name merchandise. My favorite nugget of Gooch wisdom is on page 108.It's his advice on how to combat loneliness (while walking about town): "...take out my cellphone and line up a date...make dates until sated." Gooch assures us that modesty is not on his list of qualities, good or bad. After this book, I hope he adds hubris.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
AS SUGGESTED IN the Procedure, for a week or so I experimented, warming up by writing down quick, spontaneous questions addressing the crises of the moment-"What's wrong?" Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
neurotic patterns
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Boyfriend Without, Awareness Exercises, New York City, Tony Robbins, Jackson Pollock, Los Angeles, The New York Times
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