Customer Reviews

Finding the Doorbell: Sexual Satisfaction for the Long Haul

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I just saw these two women, Cindy Pierce and Edie Thys Morgan, put on their book show--or whatever you want to call it, the presentation they give at bookstores to promote their book--at our local bookstore. They were amazing. Hysterical and completely real and wonderful. The book is just as good. Their mantra is "Better sex for the people"--by which they mean, the late-thirties/forties plus people, the I'm to tired for sex people, the exact people who really need better sex. They remind you-- "Sometimes when you think you're not interested in sex, you have to get yourself in the mindset to get interested. And then once you get rolling, you really get interested. And then it gets good, and you never regret it."

They have all the facts you've never gathered, let alone seen put together in one place. from interviewing what they call "PBG guys"---college students, Pre Bitterness and Guilt--to what they learned from Cindy Dodson, apparently America's foremost (and probably only) seventy-some year old expert on the female orgasm and certainly not someone most women are going to consult themselves, given that she teaches hands-on classes on the subject. Like, men take four minutes to hit orgasm, women twenty--and almost anything can derail them on the way. And then they remind you that they're there, they're forty and married and have all the frustration and reasons to turn out the light and go to sleep and put sex off until another day. "This morning my husband asked me, trying to help out--do they pick up the garbage this week? And yes, they pick up the garbage this week--and every week, on the same day, just like they have for the past seven years we've lived in this house, and just the fact that you don't KNOW that..."


After all, people at the stage of life they're talking about (me!) put tons of energy into family, kids, activites, the house, all that stuff--and it's easy to forget that the relationship is the foundation of that whole structure, and sex is one thing that keeps that relationship strong."We just want every couple to try to put sex on the table--to get themselves in bed, naked, partially naked, whatever, just one night a week---preferably the same night--and see if they don't both end up feeling better and happier." This book will help you get that part of your relationship back up and running, or keep it rolling--for the long haul.

My husband bought me this book while he was away. He thought it would be fun and perhaps contain some real insight. Not in the least. This book is terribly old-fashioned. The basic premise is that a man wants sex all the time while a woman isn't that interested. What if it's the opposite for some couples? What if we wanted some advice on how to advance sexually with each other?

Not to be found in Finding the Doorbell. The whole book is about women's "drought" and how men can help them get over it. And the answer is not by doing anything mildly taboo, according to the authors. Read between the lines in their skimpy paragraph on anal sex: the authors say we don't know anything about it and we don't want to know anyone who does. The authors of this book admit to never having used sex toys. I really wish I had known that before I wasted a minute reading Finding the Doorbell.

The book is also very poorly organized and laid-out. The chapter titles are supposed to be funny and clever but this only results in never being able to find what you're looking for in the book. The fonts jump around all over the place as does the type size.

To all the publishers out there: please don't give these women a second chance to waste our time and money - and trees.

By day, New Hampshire's Cindy Pierce is a mild-mannered former ski coach-turned-innkeeper and mother of three. By night, she is emerging as New England's premier sex-counselor/comedienne, thanks to the success of her one-woman stand-up play "Finding the Doorbell." Pierce has brought her act to Burlington, Vermont on two occasions over the past few years, to big crowds and rave reviews. Now, she has distilled her sex-focused humor and wisdom into a brand new book published by Nomad Press called Finding the Doorbell: Sexual Satisfaction for the Long Haul.

The "doorbell" in question refers to the least-uttered and perhaps most important part of the female body - the clitoris. (And, since that word makes many people uncomfortable - clitoris that is, not doorbell - I'll simply reference the big O of orgasm instead). But this is a big part of Cindy's message in the book. Americans - especially middle-aged Americans with husbands and wives and kids and mortgages and a few extra pounds and a few more wrinkles - are often uncomfortable talking about sex; both publicly, in the company of others, and privately, in the intimate spaces of the marriage chamber.

For those uncomfortable talking about the most basic and primal of human acts (sex, remember?), this book is good medicine. As co-author Edie Thys Morgan explains at book's beginning, Cindy's underlying mission has always been about "better sex for the people." "Not wilder or kinkier sex," Morgan explains (not that there's anything wrong with this, mind you), "but the kind of mutually fulfilling sex that brings couples the sense of connection we all crave."

Indeed. It is all about connection. And if you are one of those of us pseudo-middle-aged married types, you no doubt have discovered that finding "connection" in the midst of our busy lives is quite a challenge. The good news here is that Pierce and Morgan serve up a whole bedroom's full of wisdom, by turns insightful and hilarious, for understanding the challenges and improving the nature of our sex lives.

Section I of the book explores "obstacles to a healthy sex life," considering everything from the differences between the male and female "tribes" when it comes to sex and talking about sex, through body image, contraception, and the big O itself (orgasm - shhh.) Not surprisingly, as our authors point out, men and women contextualize sex differently in the midst of middle age, and, especially for men, boning up on these differences might alter one's sexual relationship with your partner significantly and for the better.

The book's second section tells you most everything you need to know about the Big O, from the bio-mechanics of the act itself, to self-stimulation (healthier and more prevalent than most are willing to admit) to some good advice for both men and women for getting the most pleasure out of your experience. Some of her terms are a bit technical, and, to be honest, more diagrams in a second edition of the book might come in handy - but by and large, our authors provide us with good wisdom here.

The most useful section of the book can be found in the final section - "sex for the long haul" - in which our authors discuss "the little things that can get you laid" (take notes, everyone!), the healthiness of distraction and fantasy, the quest for the "weekly standard," and the most useful section from a gendered viewpoint - "drive differential." They even take us on a little tour of a porn shop for a discussion of sex toys, if that's your thing.

And throughout the book, one can enjoy Cindy's trademark zinger-like wit and honest storytelling - she has a wonderful knack for combining self-deprecating humor with an eye for the descriptive and the personal - and we are all the better for it. The book's other nifty feature is the dozens of snippets of interviews conducted with middle-aged men and women sprinkled throughout each chapter. "Sex is like yoga. It changes your whole frame of mind every time you do it," explained one woman. "It's good for your body, mind, and soul. If we all did yoga a few times a week, life would be better. Why don't we make sex a priority?"

Amen.

Better sex for the people!

The authors of this book make awkward subjects that pertain to sex comical, yet informative. Definitely for an "older audience," (18+). Worth the price!

Awesome book. So much fun to read. Even had my husband read it. I have met one of the authors - Cindy Pierce. In person she is as funny as her book and just as blunt. I definitely recommend this book to people.

Cindy and Edie have created a funny, honest, information-packed guide that engages but never condescends or judges. Cuts through all the crap and myth out there about sex and talks about how people really feel and act. Highly recommended!