Finding Our Fathers : How a Man's Life Is Shaped by His Relationship with His Father [Paperback]

Samuel Osherson (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 8, 2001

With a new introduction by the author, this bestselling, compassionate book returns to help men rebuild their relationships

A seminal classic, Finding Our Fathers examines the hidden struggle faced by millions of men: how to reconcile their childhood images of their fathers--and of all men--as silent, stoic breadwinners with the life they want to live now--embracing two-career marriages, closer ties with their children, and greater emotional awareness.

Harvard psychologist Samuel Osherson shows you how your "unfinished business" with your father affects your relationships with your wife, your children, friends, and bosses--and how it can lead to a profound sense of loneliness, vulnerability, and rage. Osherson penetrates the shroud of silences that prevents men from coming to terms with their deepest feelings and fears, and shows how you can resolve the inner conflict of the father-son relationship and begin to develop a new sense of strength and purpose in your family life and career.

"A groundbreaking, classic work­­ as timely today as when it was first published­­perhaps more so."

William S. Pollack, author of Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood

Editorial Reviews

Review

A groundbreaking, classic work, [this book] offers a beacon of understanding and a ray of hope for men and boys -- William S. Pollack, Ph.D., author of Real Boy: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood

Finding Our Fathers is a treasure. It is a classic that greatly influenced my thinking. -- Dan Kindlon, Ph.D., coauthor of Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys

From the Inside Flap

"Erudite...sensitive...There is a nice blend of family and work concerns in this book, which helps to make it one of the better contributions on male and female psychology thus far."
THE BOSTON HERALD
In this ground-breaking book, Harvard psychologist Samuel Osherson shows how a man's unreconciled childhood images of his father affects his relationships with his wife, children, friends, and boss--and how it can lead to a profound sense of loneliness, vulnerability, and rage. Osherson shows how every man can resolve the inner conflict of the father-son relationship and begin to develop a new sense of strength and purpose in his family life and career. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 252 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill (May 8, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0809293307
• ISBN-13: 978-0809293308
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #841,823 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Very enlightening, April 16, 2004

By 

paul morris (Marietta, GA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Finding Our Fathers : How a Man's Life Is Shaped by His Relationship with His Father (Paperback)

Perfect for the person who grew up in a traditional family (Dad works, Mom raises the kids), probably more than ok for the rest as well. Sam explains several key aspects of the Father/Son relationship that were really helpful to me. A couple, of the many, examples would be: like why we see our bosses the way we do in relation to our relationship with our father, how Dad's relationship to Mom changed when the family started, and why our Fathers saw us the way they did. Plenty of good, without being overdone, aspects of our relationship with our Mothers as well. I felt the book strayed at some points just far enough from the title that it warranted 4 stars instead of 5; like when he discusses in detail some of the failed attempts he and his wife had at having children. The close is strong as he suggests how to heal those wounds we have with our Dads.

8 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Overall a good book, but rather reductionist, November 22, 2003

By 

JackOfMostTrades "Jack" (Washington, DC) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Finding Our Fathers (Paperback)

I could not relate to the many anecdotes provided by the author/psychologist of this book. Perhaps fathers and sons do have many unresolved issues regarding intimacy, anger, and roles, but it seems to me the author was pretty selective in finding those cases that helped support his views about the problematic father/son relationship. I was close to my father and grandfather, and both were vastly different men in terms of temperament, education, class, and culture, but none had the distinction of being undermined by their wives, or feeling like mechanized machines (even though my father was a machinest in a factory). I think Osherson may have spent too much time doing longitudinal studies at Harvard and too many hours in his office where his anticipations of finding antipathetic father/son relationships ended up as self fullfilling prophecies. Snippets of dialogue from therapy sessions seem to me very questionable in terms of their ecological validity. Additionally, the date of this book 1986 is telling. A lot has happened in the family constellation since then.

6 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Forget it, May 11, 2008

By 

Patrick Hahn (Baltimore) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Finding Our Fathers : How a Man's Life Is Shaped by His Relationship with His Father (Paperback)

If you're not an Ivy-League-educated baby boomer Jewish male, this book will have very little to say to you. If you are interested in fathers and sons, I recommend Fire in the Belly by Sam Keene or Absent Fathers, Lost Sons by Guy Corneau.