Customer Reviews

The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Rapport--And Leave a Positive Impression

5 star:		(34)
4 star:		(14)
3 star:		(10)
2 star:		(7)
1 star:		(14)

 

 

This book was a real disappointment. Although the information on the cover doesn't say so, it's aimed almost exclusively at people in business situations; almost all of Fine's examples deal with corporate conferences and other networking events. For example, her top suggested line for exiting conversations is "I need to go see the exhibits." She continually emphasizes how improving your small talk skills will win you new clients, a promotion, etc. What about just making friends? The idea that you might want to improve your conversational skills in everyday social or family situations is hardly mentioned at all.

Fine also has some peculiar ideas about what constitutes "small talk." She offers a long list of "icebreakers" for initiating conversations with people you don't know. Unfortunately nearly all of these are too personal, too serious, or just bizarre. Imagine trying to strike up a conversation with a stranger by saying, "If you could replay any moment in your life, what would it be?" The person would just think you're either nosy or a kook. She even suggests using political statements as conversation starters, which is just asking for trouble.

There are a few good suggestions in the book; she has useful advice for dealing with egocentric people who talk endlessly about themselves. However, all of Fine's good ideas could easily fit on two or three pages.

I found myself walking around day to day saying, "folks just aren't friendly"... my neighbors, church members, parents at my child's school, folks I see every day/week at the grocery store and believe it or not relatives. I think Debra Fine has hit on some of the key reasons that I was not finding folks to be "friendly". Some of the reasons being: we are socialized to be wary of strangers, we think too many questions makes us nosy, introducing ourselves and others is not easy always, initiating, carrying on and ending a conversation is a challenge and lastly, finding similarities and interest in our conversation partners is hard at times.

Ms. Fine advised that no one can wait to be introduced or expect someone else to initiate the conversation and she is right. When I used the suggestions it made a world of difference in the contacts and connections that I began to make. I used the suggestions in professional and personal settings, with women and men and with folks my age and teens.

What I relay to folks when I use these techniques is "I care about you" and "I am interested in you as a person". The feedback I have recieved from people is that I make them feel good, in a world that is too busy I take time. That is really the bottom line about this book, why would I not use the suggestions when the potential is to evoke that kind of feeling from folks that you interact with everyday of your life.

Lastly, I have used this book in many ways. I have passed the book to my husband who works in a technical field is reading the book and has begun using some of the suggestions at his workplace and finding them to be applicable. As a homeschooling parent I used the book as part of a communciations curriculum for my 16-year-old son. Many of the stategies he used to get a job and now to maintain his employment; he has been told he is a wonderful conversationalist.

At the same time, I have ordered Debra's tape, I have bought also 7 others books and video, audio tapes from others authors, on the same subject of conversation. Debra's tape , definitely appears to me, easy, confortable, to apply for any occasions to talk to people Her voice is very friendly and warm. I am so glad to have found Debra' audio tape. She gives , not only advice and techniques, but immediate examples of small talk for introducing yourself , with warmness and giving people the chance and the desire to develop conversation with you. Usually, when invited to dinner, or cocktails , or meeting , I go with the apprehension to meet new people , and to be in the situation of nothing to say , and to appear not interesting to be with.The days after listening to Debra's tape, I have the opportunity to apply in a dinner . I was the guest on a table of 12 persons that I did not know. The evening was lovely, because at last I could engage conversation with new people, as if we were friends. I feel much more confortable ,in such short time and I know that with more training with this tape, I will allow myself, for near future, to love meeting new people, as well as to talk friendly with my clients, my hairdresser, old friends... I really recommend this tape to who wishes to leave a positive impression.

Facilitated in a seminar setting, you listen and feel as though you are participating with the group. The conversation skills taught in this tape are well presented and Deborah is extremely motiviating. I am using her suggestions in practice and find that I am becoming more outgoing already as a result. You will truly see a positive difference in how people relate to you when you take the burden off of them and start the conversation yourself.

When deciding whether or not to buy this book, you are obviously reading the reviews (otherwise you wouldn't be reading this. ;) ). Please think about the type of book this is as you read the reviews. This is a book designed for people who are more comfortable dealing with machines, numbers, logic, animals, etc., then they are with people. The author freely admits that she was an engineer and wrote this book to help other engineers and technical people. It is a beginner's book on how to interact with people. If you are married, for example, you probably don't need this book. You were able to talk to someone. I suspect the people who found it boring or uninformative were too advanced. Like a brain surgeon reading a high school biology book. But, if you're extremely shy and get really nervous when interacting with people, you must own this book.

The Fine Art of Small Talk is fantastic! Author Debra Fine gives wonderful ideas and tips for starting, maintaining and ending a conversation. The Fine Art of Small Talk is perfect for anyone who's less than completely secure about his or her conversation skills, anyone who wants to overcome feeling awkward or tongue-tied, and especially for anyone who wants to learn to gracefully deal with people who talk to much, offer unsolicited advice, etc., etc. I've found that the tips in the book are perfect for both business and social settings. I can tell that using the advice makes a big difference in how people respond. The Fine Art of Small Talk really has had a positive impact. Be warned, though: you may - as I did - see yourself among the list of the author's "conversation offenders!" Not surprisingly, the book is written in an engaging, conversational style and, in addition to being helpful, is extremely enjoyable.

Having also been to one of Debra Fine's Small Talk seminars, this tape is a good refresher course. Debra makes meeting people fun and give you practical suggestion for "ice breakers" at dinners, parties, or just everyday openers at work or any situation. She explains that most people are shy (like myself). I've found these tips very helpful. Being a computer programmer with my head down all day, I needed these tips. I would highly recommend her tape for EVERYONE! I am very grateful for this tape and her seminars. Thanks for teaching me how much fun it is to "mingle".

Everybody can talk, but can you carry a conversation? Or more to the point, can you manage a quality conversation where both (or all) parties feel great about it when they leave? The Fine Art of Small Talk is an excellent manual to help you improve your conversation skills.

Author and seminar leader Debra Fine delivers a snappy, interactive and concise guide to getting the most out of networking and social occasions. The book includes many useful lists, such as icebreakers to get a conversation going, topics to avoid,, great exit lines to retreat gracefully, ways to fuel a conversation, and ways to leap the chasm of pregnant pauses.

One chapter of special interest is on listening. Do you sometimes talk too much to converse? Do you get distracted by other people or happenings in the room? Do you show your boredom by letting your eyes wander? You, too, huh? The you'll need this chapter as much as I do.

Another chapter of special interest is the one on "conversation criminals", which is essentially tips for dealing with difficult people, such as those who monolpolize conversations or brag too much or put you through an interrogation.

The Fine Art of Small Talk is everything a personal development book should be: short and to the point, interactive and easy to read, and most of all useful.

The reviewer is David Leonhardt, author of Climb your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness...

This is a taped about 100 minutes seminar. It starts with introduction about " fear of public specking", and the benefits of small talk. The main content of the seminar is about icebreaker, talking to acquaint, skills in conversations and body languages. It ends with conversational killers.
I felt that the content could be delivered in about half the time, as most things are rather obvious. Yes there are many useful and helpful advices, especially with open-ended questions, and rephrasing few "daily questions" but their delivery on the audiotapes takes rather a long time. I agree with others to be careful not to be transformed to a nagging conversational, and not to ask annoying questions.
Overall it is an average taped seminar.

It's miserable being shy, but even average people feel overwhelmed at times by a gathering of strangers. This book takes the mystery out of initiating conversations. Developing the skills to start a conversation and to keep it going are life enhancing abilities.
I used to think my mother knew everyone in their small town. Now I realize that she didn't, but had the ability to talk with anyone as though they were an old friend. Learning to take an interest in others, makes you interesting to them.
I wish I'd discovered this book early in my career, so I could have used the techniques to network and to "leave a positive impression." Better late, than never.