Customer Reviews

A Fine Romance: The Passage of Courtship from Meeting to Marriage

5 star:		(23)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This relationship book is the best out there! I haven't read lots of relationship books, but I don't have to in order to know that I'm right. Woman or man, this book helps explain why we chose the partners we chose, why we expect the wrong things, why we expect the right things at the wrong times, what we do to push people away, and how to change so that our relationships work.

Dr. Sills' assessment of relationships and their phases are right on target, and her writing style is pure perfection--a mixture of get-on-to-yourself common sense and you're-not-alone reassurance. Her insights are uncanny. It's like she was in the living room, bedroom, car, bar, restaurant, etc. with you when either you or your partner said or did whatever you are now agonizing about. If you're a woman, Dr. Sills knows what you said when you stalked him after he didn't call. She knows why your cute voicemail message was a turn-off. If you're a man, Dr. Sills knows you snapped at her when she kept interrupting your football game to have a heart-to-heart talk. She knows why your girlfriends seem to become demanding and possessive just as you are losing interest in winning them. She not only pinpoints what you are feeling in each stage of a relationship, but also helps you understand what your partner is feeling.

I read this book when I started dating my first boyfriend. The relationship lasted for nine months. Although, things did not work out for us, the book helped me through Selection and Pursuit, including a phase called "The Switch," where the pursuer backs off and the pursued panics. My ex married his next girlfriend and credits me with helping him to build important relationship skills. Trust me, it was this book. Again with the book under my arm, I started dating my second boyfriend. I married him almost six years ago. I had the opportunity to thus apply the deeper relationship chapters in the second half of the book, which are also right on target. A friend of mine is almost 50, has never been married, and wondered why all his relationships fail. After he started a new relationship, I lent him my copy of this book. He is now two years into the relationship and engaged.

Don't start a new relationship without this book, particularly if you are a woman! When you get an urge to cry, overanalyze something he's said, or call him so you can feel closer, read the book instead of conveying a needy and demanding image that is not the real you. Once you are further along in your relationship and sure that you have one (Dr. Sills defines it), share the book and its tips with your partner, too. Regardless of your sex, age, or previous marital status, this book feels like it was written for you and about you. At each stage of your relationship, there will be hurdles. It answers the question, "Why?"--most helpful since your partner can't or won't answer this question for you. Better still, the book helps you change your own way of thinking so that the relationship mistakes aren't perpetuated by your own behavior and so that you can help your partner come to terms with his or her own fears of commitment and closeness. Buy several copies! Make it your ritual to read it, mark it up, then throw it out if you break up. You'll feel a sense of renewal when you initiate a new copy. You may even find one or two copies are all you need;) Happy reading and good luck!

If only I had read this book twenty years ago! Sills does a great job of laying out the territory in a plain and easily understandable manner; so much of the romance landscape makes sense with the perspective that her work provides. And like Excess Baggage (her other must read work), this book gives you the understanding you need to chart your own course; no preaching or judging, just a clearer understanding that can only lead to better choices.

I found this book to be extremely helpful. My boyfriend and I are both separated and of course have had moments of ambivalence and doubt combined with feelings of extreme love and closeness and major fear. This book has taught me that ambivalance and doubts are a normal part of any relationship. Relationships are a dance of moving forward and backward all the time. Just because someone is having doubts or isn't sure, doesn't mean the relationship isn't a wonderful one. This book has kept me hanging in there because now I understand that what we are both feeling and going through are a normal and expected part of any healthy relationship.

This book was recommended to me by someone I met on line...I was struggling with some of the aspects of relationships...he told me he had found it most helpful....WOW what a find...started reading with pink highlighter in hand...had to keep reminding myself that if I highlighed everything, highlighting would lose its value!!!! I am reading slowly and letting the words soak in...so much basic information and insight. Today I am here to buy 2 more copies to give as gifts...If you are wondering how you should act and what you should expect, etc. This is the place to find out...

Discover healthy ways to find, keep and nurture love. I wanted to highlight so many sentences to share with friends, until I realized that I could relate to almost every word on every page. It is a book that teaches, relates, understands and explains all the phases of relationships and how to attain a great one, without preaching. Every page had something on it that I said, "been there, done that". Great, easy reading for anyone who wants to improve their chances of finding and keeping the perfect mate.

I hate dating but when it comes to long-term relationships, I'm a pro! So, if I wasn't in a committed long-term relationship, I was floundering in the dating pool until I mysterously found someone compatible to me. This book helped me make sense of what was going during the dating stages and explained why I was able to move so quickly past them.

I also highly recommend this book to the divorced or widowed who haven't been in the dating scene in quite some time too.

Three months into every relationship I've ever had, the person I was dating would freak out, demand space, insist on seeing other people, or tell me he wasn't ready to get serious. Before reading this book, I thought I was choosing the wrong people. Now, thanks to _A Fine Romance_, I know it's nothing personal -- it's just a phase. This is the single most helpful book about relationships I've ever read, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that it's dramatically improved the quality of my love life. I've been known to call it my "secret weapon." Forewarned is forearmed!

This book has almost everything for those (i.e., all of us from time to time) who run amok in the uncertainty and anxiety of romance. Some who write on this subject merely employ sweeping generalizations which they beat into the ground throughout their book. Dr. Sills is a great writer who analyzes the complex world of romance. She makes it easy to understand how our drives and emotions can rush us into poor decisions. She fails to touch on one subject that many people find important in romance--spirituality. "Fine Romance..." is nonetheless the pre-eminent book on the subject.

This book is a very comprehensive look into the patterns and behaviors of dating and relationships. It was very insightful, especially the intial courting stages. After finishing, I was amazed that people actually get past all the obstacles that can prevent a relationship happening. I could recognize almost all the patterns/behaviors, especially "the swtich." I can't say any of it would discourage me, but am more aware of scenarios that arise. And its an easy read.

I've been reading a lot of relationship books (including some of Judith Sill's other work) and found them incomplete, incoherent, or inapplicable. But this book is complete, coherent, and applicable, no matter what stage of a relationship you're in. For someone contemplating a serious long term relationship, this book provides a road map, letting you know where you are, where you are going, and allowing you to identify what is and isn't important in the relationship. Highly reommended!