First Comes Love [Hardcover]

Marion Winik (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 9, 1996

When NPR commentator Marion Winik met Tony Heubach at Mardi Gras in 1983, there was "a spark of recognition between us. . . . something with a trajectory outside my field of vision." In this candid and deeply felt memoir, she traces that trajectory: a straight woman and a gay man falling in love, marrying, raising two beautiful sons; their against-the-odds happiness eventually crumbling under the pressure of AIDS; and the harrowing, heartbreaking final moments of their life together.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

This memoir from Marion Winik, a commentator for National Public Radio and the author of Telling, a collection of autobiographical essays, begins in 1983 with Winik, just 24, anesthetizing herself after a break-up via vodka and a mixture of hard drugs. Though strong-willed, she seems to lack strength of character. She flounders from one mistake to the next, offering wise observations, but never attempting to thwart her streak of self-destruction. Her marriage to a gay man with HIV sets the course for change--she kicks her addictions and ultimately assists in her ravaged husband's suicide. Through an HIV wives support group, as well as through altercations with her in-laws, she comes to learn how strong she really is.

From Publishers Weekly

National Public Radio commentator Winik's memoir will appeal primarily to romantics who believe in the primacy of love and who can empathize with a woman whose husband in a rocky marriage committed suicide. More realistic types will wonder why Winik, although a heavy drug user at the time, allowed herself to be courted by a flamboyant homosexual junkie; she was subsequently to learn that he had been HIV-positive for two or three years before they met. They married in 1986 in Manhattan. Tony Heubach, a former ice-dancer, was a considerate person, although after the couple had two sons, his interest in heterosexual relations waned and the marriage began to unravel. His drug use increased sharply and, as his HIV turned into AIDS, his addiction became alarming: periods of catatonia alternated with prolonged sessions of weeping and, on a few occasions, assaults on his wife. With pain so acute and constant that even morphine was minimally effective, he requested her help to end his life. She prepared the bowl of strawberry-banana yogurt with 60 capsules of Nembutal that killed him in 1994.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 258 pages
• Publisher: Pantheon; 1st edition (April 9, 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0679445722
• ISBN-13: 978-0679445722
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.6 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,628,936 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Love with the Gloves Off, March 19, 2008

By 

debra crosby (Austin, TX) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: First Comes Love (Hardcover)

I only read this book because our reading group chose it and, frankly, at first I wasn't sure I'd like it. I didn't feel that I could relate to Marion Winik's drug use or self-destructive pursuit of a gay man. But her writing drew me in and her story proved to be so absorbing because it was so well-written. Yes, she was self-absorbed, as addicts often are, and yes, she knew her love for Tony was bound to end in frustration, but she has no sympathy for herself, and asks for none from her readers. Her story, while moving, is not cloying or sentimental, and I really liked that. She is honest, often painfully so, and direct. She reveals what it truly means to love someone who cannot love you back the way you want to be loved. She faces her problems head-on, addresses her own weaknesses with candor. Her writing style is clear and its emotions sharply drawn. If you approach her story without judging her, you will come to know her and understand her. I liked her in spite of myself, and that says a lot. Like a good friend you care about, but who can drive you crazy, Winik reveals things to you that can make you roll your eyes or sigh in frustration, make you want to slap her. And then she opens up with vulnerability, revealing her inner turmoil and pain, and you want to embrace her. This is a tough story, hard to take sometimes. But a true love story, nonetheless. After I read the whole book, I went back and re-read its opening chapter. After going on Winik's journey with her, her words about her husband's final hours brought me to tears. I felt I knew them both.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars heartbreakingly honest, November 15, 1998

By 

Rick Hunter (Malone, NY United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: First Comes Love (Paperback)

Marion Winik's funny, honest, and ultimately gut-wrenching memoir First Comes Love answers, in the end, what true love is. In clear, unwavering prose, Winik tells of her meeting, marrying, having two children with Tony Heubach, a gay ice-skater. Given their differing sexual orientations -- Winik is straight -- sex never was a big part of their relationship. Drugs, however, were, and it is the drugs which first brought the two together and drove them apart as Tony desperately sought any respite from the AIDS that killed him (neither Winik nor their two children ever tested positive). The most accurate phrase I can come up for Winik and Tony is that they were "soul mates", and this compatibility on levels more intimate than intercourse made their relationship work. Involving as it does drug addiction and AIDS, many parts of this book are sad. Winik and Tony, however, shared many good times together, including a number of years when they were off drugs, were happily married with young children, and before Tony became symptomatic. This book deserves a wide audience both for its honesty and for Winik's marvelous writing.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Amazing Story of What Love Can Do, May 31, 2004

By 

Puppy Out Of Breath (Valley Park MO) - See all my reviews

This review is from: First Comes Love (Paperback)

Yes, the two main people in this memoir are self-indulgent, but there is one, and only one, thread that holds them together: Love. It cannot be sexual attraction, because one is gay and one is straight. And the thread of love holds and holds and holds and finally snaps. Marion Winik's writing held me from the first chapter to the last and never snapped.