First Comes Marriage: Modern Relationship Advice from the Wisdom of Arranged Marriages (Paperback)

by Reva Seth (Author)
Key Phrases: romance needs, musts are all that matter, partial commitment, First Comes Marriage, First Conies Marriage, The Musts Are All That Matter (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Seven time-tested secrets to dating the husband
of your dreams -- taken from the centuries-old
tradition of arranged marriages

Want commitment, love, and romance? Forget The Rules, and stop waiting for an idealized Prince Charming. In First Comes Marriage, Reva Seth shares the wisdom of more than three hundred women in arranged marriages...and shows how this classic tradition can teach twenty-first-century women important lessons about how to find -- and keep -- Mr. Right.

The men you date will become the men you marry. The seven secrets in this counterintuitive guide will help you become more selective and increase your chances of finding the right person to share your life with. Seth knows her secrets work -- she married her husband after only meeting him seven times.

• Secret #1: Your man doesn't have to be your best friend.
  (That's why you've had a best girlfriend all along, right?)
• Secret #4: It doesn't matter if he doesn't dance.
  (Common interests are less important than shared values.)
• Secret #6: Sexual chemistry isn't always organic.
  (Attraction can be created -- if you know how to unlock your passion.)

A practical, surprisingly progressive guide to love and romance, First Comes Marriage will open your eyes to what makes a guy perfect for you...and will help you find him, date him, and keep falling in love with him forever.

About the Author
Reva Seth is a journalist whose articles on arranged marriages have appeared in national newspapers across the U.K. and Canada, including The Globe and Mail. Seth and her husband live in London and Toronto with their son.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 208 pages
• Publisher: Fireside; 1st Fireside Trade Pbk. Ed edition (June 3, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1416561722
• ISBN-13: 978-1416561729
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.4 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #398,601 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Common sense advice that's not so common, November 15, 2008

By	Anne-Lise (United States) - See all my reviews

This book does not promote arranged marriages, but it boils them down to some key concepts that can help people enter marriage with more realistic expectations which will then allow them to be happier within their marriage. The book diminishes the importance of finding a soulmate, of keeping your options open while dating, of having similar interests/hobbies, and focusing on Hollywood's definition of romance. Instead, it recommends focusing on compatible values, figuring out what you need in a marriage partner so you know what to look for, creating a balanced social life, and being willing to commit.

The book is engagingly written with lots of stories and anecdotes interspersed within the text. It gives you exercises to complete which really help to clarify your own expectations, desires, and needs and to see how the book's lessons should be applied in your own life. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in a committed, long-term relationship, though the book is geared toward women.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I had my doubts about the concept, December 17, 2008

By	Mary Ostyn "Owlhaven" (Pacific Northwest) - See all my reviews

As a homeschooling mom I've known families who have taken an active role in helping their children find suitable spouses. Though I am eager for my kids to find the right spouses when the time is right, I've never been especially keen on the idea of an arranged marriage. Seems like too big a decision to hand off to others.

And yet a few weeks ago when I randomly clicked on an AOL story that featured this book, I was fascinated by the author's twist. Not 'is arranged marriage a good idea for everyone?' but rather, 'what things work about this idea?'

Turns out, there's plenty that works. Enough that after I roared through the book in three days flat, I handed it off to my 18 and 20 year old daughters to read. I believe that anyone would do well to take such a considered approach to finding a spouse.

Women featured in the book talked about the peace that comes from knowing that you are compatible on a foundational level. Not on the froufrou you learn when dating such as 'do we like the same movies?' but the deep questions that can bind together or tear apart a marriage such as 'how will we raise our children?' and 'do we agree that this marriage is forever?'

Turns out when loving families are given input in the selection, they often have a firm grasp on two things: #1-- Things that the young people themselves would wish for and need in a mate. And #2-- Issue that are truly important in ensuring a lasting relationship.

I still believe that young people should be able to choose a mate on their own. But there is a lot to be said for getting feedback from loved ones who know you very well. I believe that if more people knew how to look at core values instead of surface stuff right from the start in a relationship, they'd greatly improve the odds of a happy match, the kind that actually makes it to 'as long as we both shall live.'

This thoughtful book is one I am very glad to have read.

4.0 out of 5 stars This book works - and changed my relationship, July 5, 2009

By	Happy Reader "Happy Reader" (NYC) - See all my reviews

I read an article by the author and was intrigued by the concept - especially since I was struggling with some frustrations in my own relationship.

When I opened it, it was like Reva was talking to me - clear, advice that make sense and that I could start using to change my relationship right away. I've recommended to my girlfriends and their partners.