Customer Reviews

Firstborn Advantage, The: Making Your Birth Order Work for You

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I have heard Dr. Leman on numerous occasions on the radio, and after one such interview I decided to purchase a copy of his latest book The First Born Advantage.

This book is an easy and great read. It will offer you insight as to the weaknesses and strengths of being a first born child. It will encourage you and make you think, and most importantly, notice the people around you who are first born.

Buy it, you won't be disappointed.

What's your birth order? Were you a firstborn, middle child or the baby of the family? Were you an only child? No matter what your birth order, odds are that it's affecting you more than you realize. In THE FIRSTBORN ADVANTAGE, bestselling author Dr. Kevin Leman helps firstborns make the very most of their birth order. Here's the fascinating twist in Leman's assessment: birth order not only deals with the ordinal position of a child but also his or her functional birth position. This means that even if you aren't the oldest in a family, you still may have firstborn tendencies that affect your outlook and approach to life.

Leman points to a variety of variables that play into birth order. For example, if you're from a large family, it's not just the oldest who is a firstborn; there are others with firstborn tendencies. The reasoning is that in a large family of six or eight or more children, the family divides down into subunits. So among the three or four youngest children, one may assume the role as the oldest.

In addition, gender can play a role in firstborn tendencies. Leman writes: "You don't have to be a rocket scientist to realize that if there are four boys and one girl in your family, there's something unique about one of your kids." He points out that both the oldest male and female could have firstborn traits. An age gap of five or more years can also create firstborn traits in a non-firstborn. Other factors that can influence these traits are blended families and significant mental or physical differences among children.

Why is this so important? Because even if you're not a firstborn, you may have firstborn traits. If so, this book is for you! In an easy-to-read manner, Leman takes a good look at the firstborn personality. He notes that firstborns are natural achievers, task-oriented and ready to get things done. But all that drivenness can have a downside as it affects a firstborn's ability to build and maintain healthy relationships. Another struggle is criticism and becoming a flaw picker. Leman offers practical tips and advice on how to turn these weaknesses into strengths. In addition, he encourages firstborns to use their natural abilities in school and at work to their advantage.

One of the best features of the book is that Leman writes as if he's really for --- not against --- the firstborns. He writes with a hope and enthusiasm for firstborns and gives them practical tools on how to get the most out of life. Throughout, he draws on insights from the First Born Girls Social Club and its founder, Laura Carter, as well as stories of firstborns.

Overall, this is a great resource for anyone interested in how birth order affects their friends, family or workplace. Though you may not be a firstborn birth, you may be one by the function in your family, which makes THE FIRSTBORN ADVANTAGE a valuable resource for readers of all ages and birth orders.

--- Reviewed by Margaret Oines

I'm married to a super first born who always had me wondering about why he does what he does. After reading this book, I have a better understanding about him and how he operates. I see things differently now, after gaining more insight into what makes him so organized & business-like. I appreciated this book for what it offered me. Although I am the middle child in my family, I bought this book to help me understand my spouse and it really did. Great read. Funny. Insightful.

Being a firstborn, I picked it up with skepticism. First off, I am not a regular practicer of Christian faiths, so like always, I approached with caution. But I was fairly impressed and didn't feel overwhelmed by religious reference. There were some references, of course, but not enough to clog the gears or harm the text.

The information inside is jam packed. You could read the whole thing in one sitting, but you won't because there are tons of details to pick up on and think through. Every two pages I quit reading so I can digest what the author just said and tweak things I feel need tweaking. It also explains a lot about others from other birth orders, allowing me to understand better what my younger brother has perhaps experienced and I've only known through trying to glean information off of other not-firstborns in passing. It also told me how I'm strung, why I'm strung, and how to unstring myself more often in order to enjoy the things I am able to do.

A few things I wish it went over (or that the author had grown up books about) was more details about other siblings and what they experience. I'd have liked to have read more about what my siblings go through and been able to place why they respond to me in some ways that they do, but he has not written any books yet of this sort.
A few times he also goes off on tangents about personality traits that did not really relate to the discussion at hand. A part at about chapter 3 or 4 is more attempting to build courage in the reader to focus and become more capable as a person, but as he should already know, since we are already reading his book, it should be clear that we know what we want already and just think that a little housekeeping or inspiration will do, not a seven page "you're a good person" talk. I had to drag myself through that part with my fast-paced skimming power or I'd have probably not finished the section.

And if you have trouble too, just know it's all worth it for chapters six and eight. Skip to them too if you'd like. He did not write the book in any sequential order that needs to be followed.

All over, fantastic. I highly advise buying and giving this to any discouraged only child, first born, or anyone who has trouble dealing with or understanding/standing their eldest sibling(s) with all their perfectionism and obsessive quirks.

Really good down to earth information on First Borns. What to do about being FB and what not to do. How to relate to other siblings and why.

This was a great book; easy to read and definitely explained a few things about why I am the way I am. I plan to go back a re-read it highlighting passages. Yes, it's that good. My next step is to read the Birth Order Book, same author.

My daughter received this book for Christmas and found it to be very insightful regarding birth order and its effect on one's personality. Dr. Leman correctly identified some of her positive and negative tendencies and gave suggestions for how to make the most of them.

This audio cd is right on target. Dr. Leman, as usual, does an excellent job in pinpointing the myriad advantages of being the first born in the family. It is true that first borns which include us onlies are more mature, conscientious, and goal oriented than later born children.

Dr. Leman is an excellent theorist and practician regarding birth order typology. However, I learned something new about the psychology of the first born-there are people with first born and/or only child characteristics although they were not technically the first borns in their respective families.

I am an only and my mother is a first born. My mother was a typical first born-she loved being in charge and believed that she was always right. As a first born, she was often in conflict with superior staff because she believed that she knew more than they did. Even though we are close, we often clashed because of our strong personalities. I, too, believe that I am right and always gloat about it. I am also fiercely ambitious and believe in achieving the highest and if not, I would be miserable. The Firstborn Advantage is an excellent read and/or a good listen. It can be purchased in either book or cd form. Please purchase this enlightening treatise on the first born experience.

The Firstborn Advantage is an insightful book which would be most helpful for firstborns and parents. If you're a firstborn and haven't already read Leman's, The Birth Order Book, or other books on how birth order affects personality and behavior, you'll be amazed and wonder who's been spying on you. Beyond the marvel, you'll be treated with practical suggestions on how you can leverage your strengths by finding balance. You'll learn how to tone down the extremes and takes steps to add new facets to your natural brilliance. After reading The Firstborn Advantage you may be able to guess a person's traits after finding out their birth order or vice versa. Leman writes with an easy to read style, clear points and helpful examples. As a firstborn reviewer, the last few chapters on the firstborn advantage at home, school, work and relationships are my personal favorites. I rate The Firstborn Advantage 4 out of 5 stars.

Dr Kevin Leman has done it again. A great, relevant book. I bought 3 more to give away. It can be life changing.