Customer Reviews

The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships

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The first thing I had to do when I received my copy of The Five Languages of Apology was to take The Apology Language Profile in the back of the book. I approached it in the happy, fun way I used to look at surveys in women's magazines until the very first question stopped me dead in my tracks. Since it was about how a spouse should apologize for failing to acknowledge a wedding anniversary, it hit home right away. I knew this was going to be a serious book and that it would bring up some very raw emotions. My husband had recently intended to acknowledge our anniversary with a beautiful gift, but it was stolen from his car before he had the chance, and nothing more was said or done about it. Even though I knew my husband was not to blame, I needed someone to take responsibility and there was no one to do that thus creating an unresolved issue we would eventually work through. As I read more of the questions, I experienced emotions ranging from sadness to anger and by the end of it I realized that very few people had ever apologized to me at all let alone took the time to figure out my apology language! It made perfect sense to me that my preferred apology language is accepting responsibility, since people who come from dsyfunctional homes often long for someone to own up to what he or she has done or said, and because this rarely happens, communication becomes distorted. In the midst of my own issues this book was addressing, I was comforted by the words Chapman and Thomas used to lead me from feeling very alone and rejected because of the lack of apologies given to me, to experiencing some healing and closure due to the new understanding I have been given. I have also become much more aware of the apologies I see in movies and in my relationships with friends. I do believe that if we could get to the point of being willing to apologize, even if we have to stumble through it at first, we would broaden our ability to truly love one another.

Since I read The Five Love Languages of Children, I knew The Five Languages of Apology would be just as thoroughly insightful. Who couldn't use some help enhancing relationships? The authors provide various examples, stories, and questions without making the reader feel criticized or reprimanded. For me, page 88, "statements of genuine repentance" was practical. Chapter 14, Apologizing to Yourself is thought-provoking. The authors also emphasize that apologizing is a choice as is forgiveness.

According to the authors, the "art of apology" needs to be learned in childhood. When appropriate, parents need to apologize to their children - it's a way of taking responsibility for one's behavior. Since parents are the first and most influential teachers, we teach kids to apologize by doing so ourselves. It's not a sign of weakness to apologize - but of maturity and accountability.

Chapter 15, "What If We All Learned to Apologize Effectively?" is summed up with, "Fewer people would turn to drugs and alcohol in an effort to find escape from broken relationships. And fewer people would live on the streets of America."

Keep this book on your shelf or bedside table as a quick and useful resource for the relationship challenges in daily life.

Now, I'd like to see these authors write a book on how to confront effectively.

~ Brenda Nixon, Author of Parenting Power in the Early Years and The Birth to Five Book: Confident Childrearing Right from the Start

This book is one of the better installments in the "Five Love Languages" series of Gary Chapman. Having read the original Five Love Languages title and a few of the follow-ups, this one provides the most additional fresh material to the initial volume. Being able to communicate a sincere apology is an increasingly needed skill in today's age of dodging responsibility and laying blame on others. Chapman and Thomas do a good job in providing the reader insight as to how to apologize in five different styles, depending upon the recipient's personality or "apology language." Included with the book are an apology profile and a group study guide. For anyone wanting truly to make amends in a fractured relationship, this volume is a good place to start.

The book presents five methods to express an apology. Your job is to identify the preferred method of your spouse/significant other, family members, co-workers, etc., then use their primary method when offering an apology. I'm sure the authors' idea in writing this book was to build on their "Five Languages" series of books, which is a clever idea; however, in my opinion, a better idea would have been to title the book "The Art of Apologizing" or perhaps "The Five Steps to a Sincere Apology" and teach readers to use all 5 methods in all apologies. One example in the book tells of a man who was annoyed by his girlfriend's continual complaining and negativity. When he confronted her, he was blown away by her response. She used all 5 languages and he knew, without a doubt, it was a sincere apology. They have had the best relationship ever since and plan to get married. Had the girlfriend narrowed her apology to one or two languages, the boyfriend probably wouldn't have been blown away, and their relationship may not have turned out nearly as well. I say, why limit an apology to anything less than all 5 languages. Give the one you offended a full, complete, and sincere apology and let the healing begin.

This is a step-by-step guide to fixing relationships broken by hurt feelings, broken commitments, violations of trust, etc. It works!

This book, along with the "Five Love Languages," should be required reading for anyone in a relationship. Not just a romantic relationship, but familial relationships, friendships, working relationships, etc. I know I've been in situations where I feel I have adequately apologized, and the other person has said they accepted my apology, but the relationship never fully recovered. I now know that the most likely reason is that I didn't use the apology language that most "speaks" to the other person. (If we don't use the right apology language, the person might not feel the apology is genuine and will therefore find it difficult to truly accept the apology and continue in the relationship.) Seriously - this book is a MUST READ book for all of us!

Along the same lines of the other books by Gary Chapman, The Five Languages of Apology takes a relational issue and then helps the reader see if from different perspectives. For this book Chapman teamed up with psychologist Jennifer Thomas to discuss a persons "apology language" - that is what an individual believes represents a real apology. The authors stress needing to know the "language" of the person you are apologizing to in order for the apology to be effective.
This book really made me think. When I apologize for something I usually just want to get it over with as quick and painlessly as possible; I rarely think of the type of apology the offended party needs. Needless to say, my perspective is changed after reading this book.
I highly recommend this book. It will improve your relationships.

This is one of the greatest books that I have read. Pratical techniques that could probably save relationships (marriages, family relationships, friendships,etc.) I greatly recommend this book for pre-marital couples, married couples, friendships even working relationships. The principles in this book has opened my and my husband eyes on our apology languages. When sorry doesn't seem good enough, find out why!!!

If you have ever wondered why either you didn't feel like someone was sincere when they apologized or someone wouldn't accept yours, this is a book worth reading. An apology must contain certain elements for someone to consider it sincere. Read this book and find out why.

It's funny, but you always hear that "people are different," but I don't think that a lot of people really act upon this knowledge. I can think of so many times when people have said they've apologized, but I didn't really feel like they had.

After my boyfriend and I read this book, it has been really helpful. So now, whenever one of us unintentionally hurts the other, I know how to make this right with him, and he knows how to make this feel right for me.

You're always taught to say "I'm sorry." I was actually taught that you should also strive to do better in the future (my stepmom's apology language), but I've come to realize that I want people to make things up to me somehow.

It's not always important how, but it really means a lot that they've taken the time to do that.

I've also never thought about apologies in terms of relationship barriers. It really helped me to think about God's love for us.

This book has been a world of help!

Whether you're a Christian or not, I definitely recommend this book for any and all relationships you have.

Don't forget to pass it on!