Customer Reviews

The Five Love Languages Singles Edition

5 star:		(55)
4 star:		(21)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

I read the original THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES by Dr. Gary Chapman when I was a single freshman in college. I don't remember what inspired me to pick up the book, given that the tagline was "How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate," but I couldn't put it down. I read it in one all-night sitting, crying my way through the sections that illuminated and explained tension I'd had in specific relationships with family and friends. It was dark outside but light bulbs were going off inside my head all night.

"Aha! His primary love language is Acts of Service! No wonder he gets so frustrated when we kids don't help around the house."

"Quality time! That's what she values, not my professions of appreciation and friendship."

Based on its applicability to my own life, I immediately determined that Chapman's ideas about there being five love languages were spot-on. And so did about a zillion other people since he has sold approximately that number of books. If you're one of the few people who has no clue what I'm talking about when I say the five love languages, let me explain.

In Chapman's theory, there are five ways in which people express and understand love. These five "languages" are Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Chapman believes that while some people can often express and understand love in any number of these languages, we all have a primary love language through which we are most comfortable expressing and receiving love. He goes on to say that tension in relationships often stems from not understanding the other person's primary love language --- not understanding how the other person is communicating their love and how that person needs to be communicated to in order to understand they are loved.

Though Chapman originally framed his teaching on the love languages in the context of marriage, it quickly became clear that people in all stages of life were connecting with the concept of the languages. And over the last several years, he has tailored his message for different groups in books including THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES OF CHILDREN, THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES OF TEENAGERS, THE LOVE LANGUAGES OF GOD, and now, THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES FOR SINGLES.

The United States has more singles that any other nation in the world except for India and China. Four out of every ten Americans are single, so it makes sense that Chapman would choose to address this large audience. In THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES FOR SINGLES the core teaching of the original book stays intact but he shapes his message for singles of all stripes --- never married, divorced, widowed, separated, and single parents --- by including anecdotes of the unmarried dealing with various relationship issues.

My one complaint about this book is that the bulk of the anecdotes still seem to revolve around romantic relationships and the looming specter of marriage. A couple of chapters are dedicated to the application of the love languages with roommates, co-workers, family members, etc., but in the chapters that deal with each of the love languages in detail, the illustrations revolve around dating relationships. That's not bad per se, but I would have liked to see more diversity in the types of relationships (i.e. best friends, classmates) that are addressed here.

Having said that, the five love languages themselves continue to ring true in my experience and their adaptation for the single audience is welcome. I highly recommend THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES FOR SINGLES to anyone who would like to improve communication with the people in his or her life. Chapman himself writes:

"My desire for the single who reads this book is that you will learn both to receive and find love in all five love languages. I am assuming that those who take time to read a book on love desire to become better persons, to have better relationships, and to reach their potential of leaving a positive impact on the world. It is my sincere belief that learning to speak and understand the five love languages will help you reach that objective."

--- Reviewed by Lisa Ann Cockrel

Readers of this book, you will have an unfair advantage.
But we all know what they say; all is fair in love and war.
If so, this book is a nuke with a big bang. I have read 3 of his books and this one drove the nail home.
At first it was hard to understand what makes me feel loved is not what makes others feel loved. I thought love was the same for everyone, boy was I wrong.
If you are looking to connect with someone new, this will definitely help you.
If you want to improve a situation at work, school, or at home, here is your answer.
If you want to understand your parents and some of the things they have said to you, again here is your answer.
I was surprised at my test results in the back of this book. When I looked at the results I found out why my mom and I were so far apart for so many years, and why she said some of the things she said that bugged me so much. Her love language was the lowest on my list.
Why my Dad had such a profound effect on me was that he spoke my love languages fluently.
What drove me into bad environments when I was troubled, why I drove around in my car going nowhere; it was because I was just trying to return to a place I felt loved. Knowing this has definitely saved me on gas.
I figured out why so many of my past relationships were so shallow and others were so wonderful and special.
The best thing of all is, I know what my love language is now and how to let others know what it is. This makes me happier in all of my relationships.
It is all about making life better, you can express to others what makes you feel better, help others in your life to figure out what their love language is, or figure out their love language on your own.
It takes so little effort to make someone feel good.
So why not?

The original Five Love Languages was insightful, had a variety of examples and provided a good amount of psychological and Christian theory and application. This book is supposed to be for singles, but almost every example has to do with dating couples--people I don't really consider single. Rarely does it talk about regular friendship--and when it does, it's guy-girl friendships. I was hoping to get some insight into my same-sex friendships, family relationships and guy-girl non-romantic friendships, but this book falls horribly short of that. Get the original copy and just use a little imagination and brain-power to apply it to your single life. You'll save the time, money and frustration.

This book helped me understand myself. I had wondered why things had changed so drasticly for me and this book helped me understand that my empty love tank was holding me back. It helped me understand what other people's language was and helped me fill their tank. This book is not just for the single person, but can help roommates, coworkers and family members.

Dr. Gary Chapman has done a great job at helping single people find their love language in this book. I used it for small group bible study class & for devotional reading. It helped me connect with my christian & non christian friends, co-workers, family members, etc. in much a better way.

I read the original Five Love Languages book maybe 10 years ago, when I was in high school. I found the concepts very intriguing, but I'm pretty sure my thoughts were, "Great! I'll keep this in mind when I get married so I will know how to fill the 'love tank' of my husband." The Singles Edition is a welcome addition to the growing collection of Five Love Languages books.

Dr. Chapman once again introduces the five love languages, using a chapter to explain each one. If you are new to the love languages concept, he outlines five ways of showing/receiving love: 1) Words of affirmation 2) Gifts 3) Acts of Service 4) Quality time 5) Physical touch. We all give and receive love in all five "languages," but for most of us there is definitely a primary way that we prefer to receive love. And if that area is lacking, we feel neglected (as Dr. Chapman puts it, our "love tank is empty.")

The great thing is, this time around, all of the examples/stories/anecdotes are devoted to singles! The main points of application involve: friends, siblings, parents, co-workers, classmates, and dating relationships. Similar to what some other reviewers have said, I think many of the anecdotes revolved around dating relationships (roommates, classmates, and co-workers were all compressed into just one chapter.) But overall, I still found it very helpful to have singles-oriented application. I especially appreciated the real-life stories of people who had reached out to their parents, utilizing the concepts of the love languages, and saw huge changes and restoration in the relationship. One man's parents had never said "I love you" or "I'm proud of you." So he took the first step in saying "I love you" after each time they spoke on the phone, and later of thanking them for specific things they had done for him growing up. Over time, they began to take ownership for many of the ways they had hurt him, and they also started reciprocating his kind words. His relationships with his parents showed so much restoration and improvement; it encouraged me to reach out to my family members even when I don't feel like it or they have hurt me in the past.

While they did take up a high percentage of the anecdotes, I found the dating relationship examples helpful. 90% of people marry at some point in their life, so it's not off the wall to focus on romantic relationships! I especially appreciated his emphasis that love takes work and commitment: "We have bought into the concept that love is something that happens to you. It is magical, obsessive, and extremely exhilarating. If you have it, you have it; and if you don't, you don't, and there is nothing you can do about it. While this description of love can be fairly accurate, it only describes the first stage of a romantic relationship. It certainly does not describe the second and more important stage of romantic love... the covenant stage of love." Dr. Chapman describes the initial infatuation as effortless. But then when you move into marriage and the "high" wears off, your passion must be fed and nurtured. The concept of the five love languages helps you to feed and nurture the relationship, understanding the ways to communicate love that will help your spouse thrive and feel loved. (If you think you're showing love, but the other person doesn't feel loved, something needs to change!)

All in all, a great book. I highly recommend, especially if you've never read The Five Love Languages.

This is an informative book. It has helped me communicate and show appreciation for all of the people in my life (friends, family, coworkers, etc). It has also helped me understand my own "love language" and realize what it takes to make me feel loved and appreciated by others.

I had the original book on my wish list for some time, and then I found out about this book. Later, I saw a friend of mine from church who had a copy, and she said it was wonderful. So I immediately ordered my own copy.

I was not disappointed.

Seeing these insights led me to realize why it was that I preferred certain activities and certain behaviors in a relationship, and it leads me to explore what another could want from me. And since this is directed towards single adults, this seemed more applicable to my situation than the original.

Now, a warning to the non-religious. Yes, this book quotes the Bible frequently. But instead of doing so with the intention of disguising a religious tract as a self-help book, the author does a masterful job of quoting scripture while staying marvelously on point, and he maintains the focus implicitly promised in the title-helping you improve your relations with others.

If you are a single adult, read this book. Don't let the religious sprinklings turn you off. This book is valuable even if you ignore them.

This book is great! I learned so much not only about how I like to be loved but also about how others like to be loved. It has changed my perspective on interacting with my friends, family, and future husband. I have received great responses from the people around me that I care about.

Quick and easy reading. Filled with examples on how to sucessfully analysis others so you can express your love for them in a language they will appreciate. You too will learn your language of love and I found this answered many of my questions on how to better the relationships I have with others.