Customer Reviews

The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them

5 star:		(28)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

No one doesn't need this marvelous book. David Richo, in an extraordinary generosity of spirit, shares with us some truly illuminating insights of remarkably profound truths. It can't be overstated enough on how valuable his insights are. The key truths of life, the inevitabilities and vicissitudes of it, are dealt and tackled with unflinching directness, and with that, a great deal of compassion for the problems that can assail us all. And yet, he is conspicously lacking in false sentiment. Richo urges us, firmly, yet gently, to give up trying to exist in denial of the things we cannot change, and instead makes a compelling, and logic-based treatise on the idea of just simply embracing and accepting these inevitabilities. His 5 key truths are: 1. everything changes and ends, 2. things do not always go according to plan, 3. life is not always fair, 4. pain is part of life, and 5. people are not loving and loyal all the time.

So many of Richo's statements and exposition behind these points have such clarity, brilliance of scope, and an astonishing ring of truth behind them, that he makes it sound almost easy to commence in the process of acceptance. Moreover, Richo shows that the only way to evolve as a sentient being is to consciously work at a personal self-evolution, for it is, really, the key to moving from one stage of life to the next. That tantalizing but often elusive prospect can invlove a great deal of personal growth and fulfillment. So many of us get stuck in ruts, seemingly unaware and puzzled as to how life can pass us by, without any conscious realization as to the subtle, but inexorable changes that occur along the way. Richo, like a wise master and teacher, generously helps in the process of coming to terms with those changes, and makes us see the beauty of accepting them.

One of the more felicitous aspects of what's presented here is that Richo utilizes in his words a combination of modern Western psychology and ancient Eastern spiritual thought, with a dash of Jung thrown in. There are numerous wise and poetic quotes from Shakespeare to Shaw deftly incorporated throughout, and which vividly illustrate Richo's own eloquent phrases. The text is clear, easy to read (yet some sentences and phrases are so astonishingly meaningful that you have to stop and THINK), compact, unfussy, and peeled to the truth.

Needless to say, I heartily recommend this book; it has changed(or rather, ENHANCED greatly) the way I think.

This isn't a feel-good self help book. It is a realistic look at certain "givens" in life that must be addressed by anyone who wants to live a REAL life. Many people don't want to accept ideas like, "Life isn't always fair."
When I was younger, I didn't want to accept this type of thinking myself, but over time, I have learned that each of the 5 things the author mentions are true. I appreciated the candor with which the author delivered these truths and the solutions that were offered to help accept the positive and the negative aspects of existence. This is not a main stream, positive thinking piece, but I think it helped me to develop a more healthy attitude about the aspects of life that are difficult, if not impossible to change.

This book is so helpful. If you are like me -- caught in the web of fear and mad as hell that the world doesn't go the way I want it to -- this book points the way to liberation! Richo blends buddhism, wisdom teachings, and Jungian psychology together with poetry, literature and humor to get the point across. Lots of charts and bullet suggestions help the info sink in. I'm going to have to read it again because there is so much in it. Richo makes it easy to understand and take action.

I've been on a path of personal self-discovery & healing for many years, and like many, also have a full bookcase to attest to the journey. Without exaggeration, this book rests at the top 5 of that (very) substantial number ! There are passages and practices presented by Richo that are astonishing in their beauty and ability to touch at the deepest level. Similar to Brother David's praise on the back cover, I found that I've "dog-eared" virtually every page of this wonderful book and have also bought copies for friends of all stripe and age. A genuine gift to be read again & again.

1. Everything changes - nothing last forever.
Everything ends, every beginning is the start of an end. Relationships end, people die. Seasons turn, things change. Get used to it. Learn to let go gracefully, change and grow yourself.

2. Things do not always go according to plan
The best laid plans often go astray. No plan survives contact with reality. Adapt, improvise, flex, adjust your sails, innovate. Things turn out best for those who make the best of how things turn out. Plans are useless but planning is invaluable.

3. Life is not always fair
Some serious wrongs cry out to be righted but many more are best dealt with by moving on and not getting ensnared in a negative energy cycle.

4. Pain is part of life
There is a cost to everything and suffering may be part of that cost. Pain is not necessarily punishment and pleasure is not necessarily a reward. Pain can be a source of tremendous personal growth. But there is no need to seek out pain to speed your growth. Life will send you your proper measure!

5. People are not loving and loyal all the time
We are social, gregarious creatures. We depend on each other. But people are human and inevitably let us down. Our work as healthy adults is to feel this fear of betrayal and abandonment and deal with it, embrace it, learn from it, grow beyond it, NOT run from the fear. Running only strengthens fear.

FACE:

F--Fear: I am afraid I cannot survive if I am not loved, and this is how I am a source of suffering to myself.

A--Attachment: I am attached to a very specific version of how things should be, of what life owes me, and this is how I am a source of suffering to myself.

C--Control: I feel the need to control others' reactions to me and interactions with me, and this is how I am a source of suffering to myself.

E--Entitlement: I believe I am entitled to love and loyalty from everyone, and this is how I am a source of suffering to myself.

Solution: Acknowledging and accepting, moving beyond what you can't change to the inner work of what you can change: Yourself.

I have read one to many self-improvement books and thought I could not possibly discover anything new. This is absolutely the most insightful book I've read so far. Once I finished it, I immediately began to read it again; there is so much to digest. I was especially touched by the fact he uses quotes from poets since I am a poet myself. It leaves you with the feeling of acceptance and guidance. I recommend this book to everyone and am buying each of my 3 children a copy. Such a gem!

I happened to pick up this book just before a family crisis occurred and ended up reading it a few pages at a time over the next several months as the crisis unfolded. The book turned out to be a great companion during that time by helping me handle a very challenging and trying situation much better because I understood the "five things" (people are not always loving and loyal; all things change and end; pain is part of life; things don't always turn out the way you plan; and life isn't always fair) listed in the book better and had a clearer idea of what I personally needed to do to feel good about myself when it was over. I can easily say that reading this book changed me for the better as a person and has helped me handle all sorts of trials more easily.

The Five Things We Cannot Change is an outstanding book that could reduce the anxiety level of the nation several points if people would read it. The title caught my interest while traveling and I really found this book refreshing and validating a few points I have felt along the way of my life. I have not read anything previously by this Author but found this book to be right on. He lays out the five things we cannot change and talks about how we might go about dealing with them and when we do, we have an adult or mature reaction to life. It is not that we dont grieve loss, but we grieve then we accept that we cannot change it and move on. His five things are right on in my opinion. The one thing he mentioned that really hit home with me was that when we do not accept that we cannot change some of these things like, life isnt fair, then we bring upon ourselves anxiety and wonder where it came from. This is an important book I believe.

This is the first review I have ever written for Amazon. David Richo's book moved me so much I felt compelled to share my experience with others.

As background, let me state that I have read so many books over so many years in this genre; hence, I tend to fly through them, taking out the few gems they have to offer, and quickly move on.

This book is different! I have been reading it sentence by sentence, savoring each thought he offers up. I put the book down frequently so I can contemplate what he is saying and how it applies to my life. At times, it has brought me to tears.

The author's writing is eloquent, poetic, layered and imbued with meaning. You can feel his presence in his sentences and the encouragement he offers for us to grow spiritually. Not even 1/4 of the way through the book, I had to google him to find out what else he has written and what else he does. He offers a free downloadable book on his website that highlights material from his other books. I can't wait to read that, too.

If you are reading this review, there is a reason you have come to this page and are reading my review. Take the message from the universe and get a copy NOW! It can change your life!

I'm not one to read self-help or psychological tomes but I'm going through a very painful surprise divorce and am seeking positive healing wherever I can. Dave Richo's book is one that puts a loving spin on all the challenges of life. Never saying it will be easy but that our higher powers and/or friend support and/or therapists will be there to help us get through to the benefits awaiting on the other side of the pain. The constant suggestions of peaceful, non-retributive, loving and compassionate thoughts and centering beliefs helped me know that I have a better opportunity to be the person I want to be now that this pain has 'pushed me through the door' to actualize my life.

I am buying several copies of the book to share with my friends and adult children so that they too have the chance to be reminded that love, compassion, peace, and caring are the real meaningful gifts we can share with ourselves and others. I hope you'll read this book, too, and find the helpful tools for getting through challenges and turning them into that which makes us stronger and potentially happier.