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The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-dependence - The Other Side of Co-dependency
 
 
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The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-dependence - The Other Side of Co-dependency [Paperback]

Janae B. Weinhold Ph.D. (Author), Barry K. Weinhold Ph.D. (Author), John Bradshaw (Foreword)
3.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)

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Book Description

January 28, 2008
Do you know someone who...

— Has trouble being close to others?
— Has a strong need to be right – all the time?
— Acts self-centered and egotistical?
— Never asks for help?
— Expects perfection in self and others?
— Seldom appears vulnerable or weak?
— Has difficulty relaxing?

If so, this person may suffer from counter-dependency, the little-known flip side of co-dependency. The Flight from Intimacy, by psychologists Janae and Barry Weinhold, reveals counter-dependency as the major barrier to creating intimate relationships. People with counter-dependent behaviors appear strong, secure, and successful on the outside, while on the inside they feel weak, fearful, insecure, and needy. They function well in the world of business but often struggle in intimate relationships. Being in a relationship with this kind of person can be extremely frustrating.

The Flight from Intimacy shows readers how to recognize and cope with counter-dependent people. And if you recognize yourself in the description above, this book will help you learn how to change. It teaches readers how to use committed relationships to heal childhood wounds and provides proven ways to use conflicts as opportunities for creating intimate, partnership relationships.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In 1987, Melody Beattie introduced codependence to the masses with her bestseller Codependent No More. The Weinholds, husband-and-wife psychologists and cofounders of the Carolina Institute for Conflict Resolution & Creative Leadership, weighed in with 1999's Breaking Free of the Co-Dependency Trap (recently republished by NWL); here, they look at counter-dependence, the little-discussed, hard-to-pin-down yin to co-dependency's yang. Counter-dependency is characterized by controlling and self-centered behavior: where co-dependents cling to others, counter-dependents push them away; where co-dependents have low self esteem, counter-dependents have "falsely inflated self-esteem"; co-dependents are people-pleasers, whereas counter-dependents are people controllers. The results are "loneliness, alienation and a sense of 'quiet desperation.'" The Weinholds do a clear and thorough job discussing and dissecting counter-dependency as a key factor behind failed relationships, and also make a case for its role in high profile church scandals, post-traumatic stress disorder in returning soldiers and even the collapse of the housing market. Packed with information taken from the Weinholds' 23 years of research and counseling, this isn't a light read, but case studies, charts and exercises, along with practical tips, keep things moving. While the notion that unresolved childhood issues continue to play out in adult relationships is nothing new, the Weinholds' insight and emphasis on self-sufficiency should help readers break free from dysfunctional behavioral patterns.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

“We need this book to fill a gap in our understanding of co-dependency. The Weinholds are experts in this field. I recommend their work as having the highest integrity. This is a crucial addition to the literature on co-dependency.”
John Bradshaw, from the foreword

Product Details

  • Paperback: 276 pages
  • Publisher: New World Library (January 28, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1577316053
  • ISBN-13: 978-1577316053
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.8 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #214,938 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

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Average Customer Review
3.4 out of 5 stars (5 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars An outstanding guide, June 20, 2008
This review is from: The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-dependence - The Other Side of Co-dependency (Paperback)
If a person has trouble being close to others, is a perfectionist, acts self-centered and never asks for help, these are signs they may suffer from 'counter-dependency', the opposite of co-dependency. Two psychologists team up to reveal counter-dependency as the barrier to creating strong relationships, examining the foundations of counter-dependency, showing how to spot and cope with such people, and teaching how to gain and heal within committed relationships. The result is an outstanding guide which reveals some little-covered roots of relationship issues, making for a recommended pick for any library strong in self-help psychology.

Diane C. Donovan
California Bookwatch
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Wow...who knew? Great book!, December 5, 2010
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This review is from: The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-dependence - The Other Side of Co-dependency (Paperback)
Never even heard of "counter-dependency" until someone recommended this book. It describes me, and my childhood, perfectly. Felt as if they were writing about me! If you've ever wondered where your ideas and beliefs come from and how they've influenced your life, read it!
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Contains some good lessons, October 11, 2008
By 
Beth A. "bethali" (Queens, NY United States) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-dependence - The Other Side of Co-dependency (Paperback)
Well-written book, even though some of the treatments methods the therapists use with the clients are strange to me. However, lots of good suggestions on how to help yourself.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
developmental systems theory, incomplete developmental processes, unintentional sexual abuse, developmental permissions, unhealed developmental trauma, flight from intimacy, social engagement skills, essential developmental processes, unmet developmental, healing your inner child, healing developmental, bonds securely, primal trust, ask your therapist, developmental traumas, drama triangle, partnership society, trauma drama, interdependent stage, nurturing touch, toxic shame, wounded inner child, first caregiver, perception check
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
The Flight, False Self, Getting Stuck, True Self, Creating Partnership Relationships, United States, Pillow Talk, Boundary Setting, The Counter-dependent Culture, The Disease Model of Relationships, Soviet Union, Creating the Partnership Society, Understanding the Counter-dependent Stage of Development, The Elements of Breaking Free, Partnership Exercise, New York, Jean Houston, World War, The Partnership Way, Native American, Breaking Free of the Co-dependency Trap, John Bradshaw, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alice Miller, Mother Earth
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Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
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