6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Pure Angst, November 23, 2008
This review is from: Flying: Confessions of a Free Woman (DVD)
This DVD set was a bit difficult to watch. It is not a soap opera as stated on the box . It is an agonizing introspective look of someone searching for love or the achievement of themselves as `a woman`, many times it seems she doesn't even love herself, she states in the introductions, she never wanted to be a girl - meaning she wanted the freedom her father had.
This would be a great series to watch for a course in women's studies, psychology or some related discussion group. It would generate some extremely interesting discussions, thoughts or papers.
As for the `pleasure ` of watching... it becomes mired in me, me, me. I just want to ask her where is the affection you should have for yourself and some empathy for others. She regularly flies all over the world to many 3rd world nations but just seems to discover at the end... `hey I've been leading a pretty middle class existence'. I really feel sorry for someone who has traveled that much and does not realize what more the average American, yes even the average American woman has than the rest of the world.
There is so very much resentment over marriage and those that choose it and that life style over fulfillment in a career. There is so much anger over her parents marriage, her mother's choices, her grandmother's behavior, understanding might seem to come in the last episode, but the fear/anger of what other women have chosen is so overwhelming - that is until she decides she might want a baby and a committed relationship. With so much introspection it is very frustrating to watch such an intelligent woman obsess and not have compassion for women that have chosen the 'traditional' mom-homemaker route or come to some understanding concerning and investigating into "Do they feel fulfilled", it`s always the single or divorced ones that are doing the discussing, but then again everyone seems to have the opinion that there are no really happy marriages out there?. Also there is her acceptance of how her long distance married lover treats her, he says "where are you" and she is more than willing most of the time to come back - behavior that does make me doubt her logic as a free woman, she seems pretty bound to what his needs are.
But let me emphasize there is a lot of powerful discussion and thoughtful material in here - it's just not very entertaining - hopefully that wasn't its' purpose.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Eye and Mind Opening_in many ways, September 6, 2010
This review is from: Flying: Confessions of a Free Woman (DVD)
This is a very revealing travelogue-visual diary of the struggle between individuality as a woman and the exploration of emotional intimacy, where sex can be just a need to be fulfilled. Initially, there is an unclear definition of Jennifer's relationships with the men in her life: one, being involved with married man, who justifies his involvement with being unhappy in his marriage, the lover; and another man, also living half way around the world from New York, who is considered the boyfriend, but also a lover. Somehow, having the belief that one will get meaning and fulfillment in life through this process becomes almost an excuse, while ignoring the consequences. The pattern of Jennifer's relationships, as portrayed, significantly contrasts with established values and morals, a point she is confronted with by her friends and by women, and men, she interviews from other cultures.
It was clear that exploring the issues and sharing the experiences with others, particularly friends, made it possible to take different perspectives and integrate these experiences and concepts into the broader context. The friend's bluntness and honesty showcases the true nature of friendships -they can be a mirror of the most intimate aspects of ourselves, even when they are not obvious to us.
Across cultures there is the general experience that older generations are not able to understand the needs of younger generations, though they appeared very similar. Also, there is belief that men do not understand and feel threatened by woman's sexuality and intelligence. Two themes which are not explore with the depth they deserve.
There is an interesting dialogue about what is natural and unnatural, including marriage, homosexuality, or dealing with medical-ethical challenges, like saving a child from death with surgery something which is certainly "unnatural", while condemning other human behaviors which are genetically influenced, like homosexuality, and wondering what should be considered moral or amoral in these circumstances. These important themes are also not developed further.
Jennifer shares how her having been sexually abused by her track coach, when she was 13 years old, led her to not being able to love. She didn't want to become a victim and never shared this with anyone while growing up; she dealt with it by herself. She felt sex was the way to please and to get love; it took her many years to feel pleasure. Sex was mostly a way she could get physical affection.
A significant theme throughout the film is about woman's urge to have children and whether that should be done alone and without men for support. Women from various cultures discuss their raising children without men, and many times, being less burdened in a way by that choice. Struggles over custody and child support are featured through one of Jennifer's friends' experiences.
The paradox of being in between desiring to be a mother, and loving motherhood, and the enslavement which it represents, with the exclusion of any other talents and potentials, is marked sharply through the film. There is great joy as well as well as miserableness, together, concurrently. Which time resolves, as exemplified by Jennifer's mother's own path of development.
It is interesting to see the differences and similarities in the social morays about sexuality across cultures and how there is significant contrast in the way sexuality is lived in the west -which is considered promiscuous in the eyes of other cultures- and how it is manifest in Asia and the Muslim world. In many cultures women are not even in touch with the capability to experience sexual pleasure; sex is performed more as a duty. In cultures where marriage is arranged, women are considered more as a possession and are frequently beaten up when not satisfying their husband's desires.
It was very amusing to see, in the film, how a group of women erupt in contagious laughter at the idea of pleasuring themselves, a concept they thought impossible until how to do it was explained to them by Jennifer. They didn't have the word masturbate in their language. Some people would say that these women's minds and souls may have been corrupted by such a conversation! The irony in the situation is that it was acknowledged that men masturbate in virtually every culture, but yet, women's masturbating is considered unnatural and even disgusting.
Paramita, a civil rights lawyer, is one of the mature, wisest and grounded interviewees in the film. For her, love is beyond attraction or the satisfaction of personal needs -it has the element of commitment. She, almost naively, questions how the world has come to this, where sexuality is so prominent and people engage in it, including masturbation, to the exception of other interests, and duties.
The movie presents the argument that love is the most important thing, but the preponderant premises have to do with self centered needs to be met without any corresponding commitment or responsibility. Some of the decisions people make in their lives, particularly as portrayed in the film, are motivated by the personal satisfaction and don't consider any degree of impact the choices and behaviors have on the children or others.
What Jennifer shares about her family, the parent's frequent fights, her father's domination over her mother, her mother's difficulty dealing with her children once they were able to express their own opinion, and her grandmother's intrusiveness and overbearing supervision, begs the question of how much of her character and behavior is the result of these experiences.
Perhaps this an example of what happens when a person doesn't get what they need as a child to develop a coherent and stable sense of self, self-esteem, and identity, in a culture marked by the need for individuality and autonomy, and where social coherence and community has virtually disappeared, remaining only as an abstract value.
It is interesting to see how she tells her friends things she had not yet told herself. This resembles the actual process of psychotherapy where as patients we become aware of how we really feel and what motivations and decisions we have made, often unconsciously, when we communicate with therapists; it would awesome if we all had more friends who can listen, empathically and patiently, as we go over those issues we need to sort out, as Jennifer has.
The exploration of sexuality, of love, of relationships (friendships, conjugal, erotic), and about her identity as a woman, appears as a main quest, as the documentary unfolds, while her work in the production of other films is just a passing reference, as well as her work on a larger scale beyond herself. The way the film evolves, including the plight of women and the documentation of serious women's issues, appears as something almost accidental to Jennifer's life's quest.
Upon the serendipitous encounter with an African British girl she met in her flight back from Zurich the film shifts into higher gear. It was obvious that this young woman had been conned into coming to the US to become a victim of the sex trade, and if she and her friend hadn't met Jennifer their lives would have changed irreparably.
The film starts exploring the good girl-bad girl dichotomy across cultures in the world, the power of men over women, their desire to have what they want, including a virgin wife, their use of prostitutes (sex workers) to satisfy their needs and their refusal to please their wives sexually for fear they will be unfaithful when the husband is away from home. Sexuality appears to have always defined the roles of men and women.
Though Jennifer appears to take on the cause on behalf of the women, the question rises whether she is doing it primarily for them or for herself, as she is dealing with her loneliness (having broken up with her boyfriend, and her grief from having had a miscarriage). It is like she is taking on the crusade for women against the oppressing power of the males. A poignant question raised is -why would men want to have sex in this way, with a prostitute? A question which, unfortunately, is never answered; perhaps it is just rhetorical.
The Pakistani women were very aware of their feelings and their sexuality but preferred to maintain their virgin status rather than being disrespectful to their society, a manifestation of how certain cultures are less individualistic and self gratifying for the sake of the community, even if it increases their suffering. They shared how controlling the men were (husbands, brothers) to the point they could not go out of the house without explaining exactly what they were going to do. In one case, some parents killed their daughter when she got pregnant out of wedlock, it wasn't clear whether the sex had been consensual, but anyway, it wouldn't matter.
The anger that arises in women is usually repressed, but at times will manifest overtly, often becoming abusive towards the children or themselves. This dynamic was evident in Jennifer's life is echoed by other women in the film.
Being single, for Jennifer, became an act of rebellion to not be controlled by anyone. Through it all, it is apparent that she is living her single, independent life, with as much suffering as her mother and grandmother did in their unhappy traditional women's married life. She preferred to run away from the suffering inflicted by her loved ones to a different suffering situation, but at least, it became her choice.
The most horrific example of control of women's sexuality is female circumcision, which happens particularly in Somalia, where the clitoris is ablated and the vagina sown shut, only to be opened on the wedding night, or...
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