Customer Reviews

Fondling Your Muse: Infallible Advice From a Published Author to the Writerly Aspirant

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

This book dishes up the same writing old writing advice in a fresh, funny, and original way. For example, instead of saying the familiar "Turn off the TV," he enthusiastically suggests TiVo as a time management tool. He also responds to Stephen King's writing suggestions such as "Remove every extraneous word." His response: "Idea. Good. This one." Even if you already know all this, "Fondling Your Muse" is still insightful, ironic, and highly entertaining. You won't find any writing exercises or basic, dry definitions of omniscient point of view, or recommendations to keep a journal, but at the very least, it's inspiring stuff.

(Caution: if you're a fan of Ann Coulter or certain tax cuts, this book may not be for you.)

John Warner's Fondling Your Muse is an uncommonly funny and clever book. Written by the editor of McSweeney's Internet Tendency, this book is not a straight-ahead 12-step program on how to become a writer. If you couldn't tell that from the tone of the title, you probably aren't going to enjoy the book. That said, if you did "get" it, this book will hit the funny bone often and directly, leaving your elbow feeling numb and tingly (in a good way).

The book often made me laugh out loud. Its tone, to over-generalize, is basically an ironic smarty-pants meets silly grade schooler (which, as can be expected, quite similar to that of McSweeney's Internet Tendency). What I liked best about the book is that, while taking numerous jabs at anyone from Oprah, to Stephen King, to John Updike, to Gee Dubya, to Hillary Clinton, Warner never seems snarky or mean. The tone remains playful as Warner's tongue is held firmly in cheek, and the result in a book that is pretty much delightful in its entirety. As one who Warner would deem "writerly aspirant", I found the book to be dead-on when it comes to characterizing the various writer stereotypes, conversations, and mindsets. This is the perfect gift for your friend who dreams of writing, yet is able to take her/himself not-so seriously. Even those who aren't planning on writing the Great American Novel or publishing volumes of their nature poetry can, I think, appreciate this book.

Being a writer,I bought this book thinking it would give me pointers and help with the epiphanies that writers sometimes get if they're lucky. It DOES give pointers (some of them a poke in the eye)and is a real good book to sit down and enjoy. It is so funny that I recommend wearing Depends and bracing your ribs with a pillow before you start reading. Yes, it's that good. THis is the funniest book on writing I've found yet (and I am a biblophile). I recommend this book even if you are not a writer or never have given it any thought. You'll enjoy it anyway.

I absolutely loved this book! It is possibly the best writing book I've yet to read. I started laughing right at the dedication and kept on until the last page. Finally someone who's not afraid to make fun of writing, which is, by far, scarier than telling a tatooed biker that his motorcycle reminds you of your kid sister's tricycle. It's a must read for anyone who may think that writing is only a cut-and-dry uphill struggle. (Pick up "Robert's Rules of Writing" while you're at it.)

As a writerly aspirant, I found this book to be both oddly helpful, and a must-buy.

It was oddly helpful in a way not unlike when you're reading a gut-bustingly funny book while at the same time eating a bowl of Friendly's "Forbidden Chocolate Explosion" ice cream, and suddenly all of the ice cream comes spurting out of your nose because you just came upon the most hilarious passage you've ever read, and then you realize how "a propos" the name of the ice cream is, and you clean yourself up and go to the store because that was the last of the ice cream, and you're searching the frozen food section while trying to ignore the awkward-yet-gawking looks you've been receiving from the other shoppers, and an acquaintance comes up to you and you say hi, and he asks how it's going and what that crusty brown spot is on your left cheek, and you're like "Crusty brown spot? What crusty brown spot?", and he shuffles his feet on the linoleum and coughs in an unconvincing manner and makes a hasty exit, and you start getting an uncomfortable feeling and rush to the bathroom, but you don't know where it is so you ask the stock guy in aisle 3, and he refuses to make eye contact while pointing you in the approximate direction, and you finally get in there and see your flourescently-lit reflection in the mirror and you're all "Oh my god! I've got Friendly's 'Forbidden Chocolate Explosion' on my face! Thank goodness somebody told me! That could have been really embarrassing!"

This book was a must-buy because a few weeks ago (I think it was a Tuesday), two thugs (who later confessed to having been hired by the author) accosted me in an alleyway and shoved a copy of "Fondling Your Muse" at me while grunting, "Must buy. Must buy." They were wearing trenchcoats, so...

This is a mighty good book. If you want to write, if you want to be rich, if you want to be famous, if you think you might need some advice, look no further.

I've read the book and look how good I write now!!! To borrow a phrase from the matchless John Warner, "Woo-hoo!". Thunderous applause, critical accolades, and unimaginable wealth is (are?) no longer a pipe dream for me.
How 'bout you?

First, I caution those looking for more in-depth advice on actually writing a decent novel to choose a more serious, mainstream tome--this ain't it! :)

What a way to turn the writing advice genre on its head. While there IS real advice to be found in John Warner's "Fondling Your Muse," it's just buried in the folds of all that humor. I had to keep reminding myself to pay attention between the lines to information I was reading for. This is witty as hell, tongue-in-cheek, hilarious (as the title would suggest, of course). And I hope no one takes all of Warner's suggestions seriously--I can see the lawsuits now!

Read Warner for his humor, for his in-sight into how the book world "really" works, for his dripping wit and sarcasm--it's worth the chuckles and outright laughter. "Fondling Your Muse" is the ideal antidote I needed to counteract the sturm-und-drang self-imposed reading list I've been working through lately. Awesome stuff!

John Warner, Fondling Your Muse (Writer's Digest, 2005)

I was unaware, until faced with the cover of this book, that Warner was the editor of McSweeney's, and as soon as I saw that, I had a good idea of what to expect. Warner didn't disappoint me; the book is mildly amusing at times, but never anywhere near as funny as it thinks it is, full of annoying political snipes that have nothing at all to do with anything, and easily forgettable. In other words, a lot like McSweeney's itself.

That said, buried beneath the satire there could well be a pretty good how-to book. A lot of Warner's core advice (or the opposite of a lot of Warner's core advice, depending on the topic) is sound. Naturally, there's nothing you haven't seen before, but then, when was the last time you picked up a writing book that had anything truly original to say?

A little more consistency and a better sense of humor and I'd have recommended this. **

I admit to buying and reading way too many books on writing instead of actually writing. And this book pokes at people like me unmercifully...It is the Anti-Reading-Books-on-Writing book...

One of the cleverest things I've read in it (so far) is Warner's "recipes" for best sellers...the Ayn Rand recipe made me chortle like a crazed monkey.

It is very funny and the author's voice almost carries it off. (I did notice he "appropriates" (read: steals) from the best, including Al Franken and John Kennedy Toole.)But if you're really looking for a book on writing, this isn't the one you want.

I am getting my revenge, though. I am reading it at my local B&N. I won't go so far as to spill coffee on it, though.

And if you want to get that reference, pick up the book (at your local bookstore with a cafe) and read the introduction...

Dazzling, devious, delicious. Like a twelve layer devil's food cake that gives you the pure unadulterated joy of fulfillment and then turns your intestines to goop. This tasty morsel of delight will leave you gasping in wonderment over the unparalleled brilliance of John Warner's gripping wisdom and god-like advice tips to the lowly, pathetic mortals that have yet to aspire to any greatness. I bow to his wit and humor... mostly because I'm forced to bow, due to all the laughter that leaves me scrunched up in the fetal position trying to get the oxygen back in my lungs.

I not only learned how to fondle my muse through this mental journey, but also how to eliminate unwanted distractions, assassinate bad reviewers, and generally abuse my authorly powers!

For anyone who has ever dreamed of writing a great novel, has already written a great novel, or simply wonders if their great novel is really that great, I most definitely recommend this book. Do everything it says, down to the last letter. If only Stephenie Meyer had read this book before writing her Twilight Saga, maybe something good would have come of that epic waste of paper. As for Fondling Your Muse; it's made of epic win!

This book is hilarious...I couldn't put it down. Don't read it in public (like in a bookstore) -- people will see you with that silly grin pasted on your face. Also, chronic outbursts will cause the bookstore staff to dial 911. However, this is a book worth reading and owning. Who could have ever thought the subject of writing a book could be the topic of a popular and funny book?? A must read for the depressed!