Football Shorts : 1,001 of the Game's Funniest One-Liners [Hardcover]

Glenn Liebman (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1, 1997 | Series: Shorts Series

"We have a strange and wonderful relationship: he's strange and I'm wonderful." -- Mike Ditka, on his relationship with Jim McMahon "Everyone is unhappy at times, even my wife. Only she doesn't get interviewed about it." -- John McKay, on Buccaneers players who were complaining to the press "Ransom notes." -- Alex Karras, on being asked to name the most profitable type of writing "If I drop dead tomorrow, at least I'll know I died in good health." -- Bum Phillips, after passing his physical "Three things are bad for you. I can't remember the first two, but doughnuts are the third." -- Bill Petersen "I find that prayers work best when you have big players." -- Knute Rockne

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

"My mom says it's because I don't shave." -- Brett Favre, on not getting as many endorsements as Troy Aikman From the clever witticisms of Lou Holtz ("Coaching is nothing more than eliminating mistakes before you get fired") to the zingers of Mike Ditka ("Some teams are the Smiths--we're the Grabowskis") to the verbal fumbles of Bill Petersen ("I'm the football coach around here, and don't you remember it"), this one-of-a-kind collection tackles the game's funniest one-liners, both on and off the field. Fans of all generations will get a kick out of the playful wit and clever banter of football's most colorful players, coaches, and commentators, from legends such as Knute Rockne, Vince Lombardi, and Joe Namath to modern-day stars Brett Favre, Troy Aikman, and Steve Young. Football Shorts delivers endless laughs for every fan of the game!

About the Author

Glenn Liebman is the author of the entire Shorts series.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill; 1 edition (September 1, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0809232154
• ISBN-13: 978-0809232154
• Product Dimensions: 7.5 x 5.3 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.1 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,028,964 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Thank you for viewing my page. I am the author of thirteen books on the funniest sports quotations (I also wrote one book about political quotes). The books are part of the Shorts Series (i.e.--Football Shorts, Basketball Shorts, Golf Shorts, etc.). These books have sold over 3000,000 copies worldwide.

I have very much enjoyed working on the books but I have taken a hiatus for the last several years to concentrate on other things (including coaching a basketball team for several years with a combined record of 5-30--the ironic part was that some of the kids were terrific players but unfortunately their coach was not exactly a Coach K clone). In recent months, I have started writing again and have some articles coming up in The Elks Magazine and Referee Magazine. Of course, the focus of the articles are on quotes. I have also created a blog. The site of the blog is http://sportsquotation.blogspot.com/

I have always loved how quotes can both inspire and make people laugh. My blog is dedicated to look at sports quotes from a different angle (ie.---Greatest Sports Quotes about Cats, Greatest Sports Quotes about Cookies, Greatest Bruce Willis Sports Quotes, etc.). It also provides me with an opportunity to vent which is important for us pseudo Type A (I'm more like a B-Plus) personalities.

Feel free to contact me any time and I hope you have an opportunity to read some of the books. The feedback I have gotten over the years is overwhelmingly positive. Of course, even though they are not my words, I do take fulll credit.
Thank you, Glenn

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Intense comedy and historic one-liners., March 21, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Football Shorts : 1,001 of the Game's Funniest One-Liners (Hardcover)

This book is a must have for every football fan. Its rich blend of hilarious one-liners and dramatic quotes about everything from coaches, players, institutions, to mascots will have you roaring with laughter. Lengendary coaches from Bum Phillips to Paul Bryant highlight this wonderful collection. Even quotes from Lee Corso are funnier than his outlandish picks on College Football Gameday. I highly recommend this book to be read over and over.

3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars What can I say--it's football humor!, March 25, 2008

By 

Judy K. Polhemus "Book Collector" (Louisiana) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Football Shorts : 1,001 of the Game's Funniest One-Liners (Hardcover)

"Football Shorts: 1,001 of the Game's Funniest One-Liners" is a great book to use to entertain your friends during commercials at the next football game at your house. You can't have enough football, right? As the title says, 1,001 one-liners.

The collector of the quips is Glenn Liebman, a sports writer with several books to his credit. He explains in the introduction why he compiled this book. As a long-time fan of the Jets, he had to have a sense of humor to survive the losses. The person Liebman finds most humorous is Bum Phillips. Here's a Bumism: Asked if he played college football, he replied: I thought I did until I looked at old game films.

Here are some random samplings of one-liners:
"Football is a game played with arms and legs and shoulders, but mainly from the neck up." Knute Rockne

"He's one man who doesn't let success get to his clothes." Mike Ditka, on John Madden

"OU is easier to spell than OSU." Barry Switzer, on why Oklahoma has an advantage in recruiting over Oklahoma State University.

"A product of uncontrolled rage." Lyle Alzado, defining a sack.

"A good coach needs three things: a patient wife, a loyal dog, and a great quarterback--not necessarily in that order." Bud Grant.

"Some were defensive-minded, some offensive-minded, and some no-minded." Boomer Esiason, on the six coaches he played for in six years.

"Sometimes God gives you physical talents and takes away your brain." Mike Ditka, on Tim Harris.

"I'm running out of spare parts." Jim Plunkett, on his many injuries.

"You have to be stupid, and that's working out well for me." Bubba Baker, on what it takes to play in the NFL.

"The object of football is not to annihilate the other team, but to advance the ball." Clark Shaughnessy, Stanford coach.

"It's hard to believe, but the score started at 0-0." Dennis Green, former Northwestern coach, on losing a game 64-0 to Iowa.

"They overwhelmed one opponent, underwhelmed 10, and whelmed one." Red Smith, on the Packers' 1958 record of 1-10-1.

"All the rookies call me Mr. Long and I can't recognize any of the music they listen to." Howie Long, asked how he knew his career was almost over.

"You're great if you win something. Alexander wasn't Alexander the Mediocre or Alexander the Average. He was Alexander the Great, and there's a reason for it." Sterling Sharpe, on the significance of winning the Super Bowl.

"When God created a running back, he created Walter Payton." Johnny Roland.

Keep this book in a place where you can grab it up, flip it open, read a few lines, plop the bookmark back in, set it down and go. Try to remember some quips to share with your buddies.