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For Better: How the Surprising Science of Happy Couples Can Help Your Marriage Succeed Paperback – Bargain Price, April 26, 2011


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 368 pages
  • Publisher: Plume; Reprint edition (April 26, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0452297109
  • ISBN-13: 978-0452297104
  • ASIN: B0064XIDPG
  • Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.2 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #954,728 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Marriage today is stronger than it has been in decades, writes Parker-Pope (The Hormone Decision), author of the New York Times's Well blog. Interviewing biologists, neuroscientists, psychologists, and sociologists, she explores the science that can explain why a marriage succeeds—examining such areas as monogamy, love, sex, children, money, and housework—and translates the science into practical advice. For instance, while monogamy is not the norm among animals, it's certainly possible for some animals and for humans to remain sexually and socially faithful to one partner. Further, regular sex should be part of a good marriage even if it occurs less frequently over time. As for conflict, learning how to fight fairly allows partners to air differences without damaging their relationship. Describing the unhappy end of her own marriage, she looks at those relationships at high risk for divorce, such as the pursuer-distancer marriage (with the pursuer usually the woman) and the operatic marriage (characterized by dramatic highs and lows). Although the scientific research adds depth, much of the relationship advice is familiar and commonsensical, but married couples will still benefit from this refresher course. (May)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

“It is pure joy to read a book on so popular a subject as marriage that is not filled with pop-psych platitudes and prescriptive do’s and don’ts, but rather lets readers come to their own conclusions based on solid scientific research. Tara Parker-Pope, a dedicated science journalist, disabuses us of long held myths (like a soaring divorce rate or the need to avoid conflict in intimate relationships) and replaces them with facts that can help couples of any persuasion form stronger, steadier unions.”
      —Jane E. Brody, columnist, The New York Times


“Actress/Audie Award winner Cassandra Campbell’s easy, conversational tone makes this thoughtful work feel like the guidance of a trusted friend. Very valuable advice for listerners hoping to strengthen their relationships.”
      —Library Journal [starred review]


“Cassandra Campbell’s matter-of-fact but friendly reading strikes the right chord for this analytic guide.”
      —AudioFile
--This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

More About the Author

Tara Parker-Pope, who writes the "Well" blog for The New York Times, is one of the newspaper's most popular and most e-mailed journalists. She appears regularly on radio and television, including Today, Good Morning America, and CNN. Parker-Pope lives in Bucks County, Pennsylvania.

Customer Reviews

This book is easy and interesting reading.
Leonie
The thing that struck me the most as I read through much of the research was how it makes sense.
Elizabeth Carmen
Must reading for every married couple or anyone contemplating marriage.
J. Rhyner

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful By Anonymous on July 31, 2010
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I read the book in a day. It caught my eye at the book store but when I happened to read all the way through, I realized the 3pgs I read at the book store were the meat of the book. Overall, it's a good book to inherit or buy bargain but it's length comes from somewhat repetitive information. The beginning comparing humans to other mammals is by far one of the more interesting approaches to comparing divorce to whether or not other mammals successfully mate with the same mate for life. I feel some parts were just common sense and some parts, esp. the ending were more of marriage counselor jumble and less of the science approach that made me pick up the book in the first place.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful By Elizabeth Carmen on August 11, 2010
Format: Hardcover
Even though she herself has gone through a dissolved marriage (which is what prodded her to research and write this book in the first place), Tara Parker-Pope is refreshingly optimistic about the state and success of matrimony.

In "For Better," Parker-Pope writes about marriage from a strictly scientific vantage point, using medical studies and research findings to probe into what makes love and marriage work. She looks at what research has to say on a variety of topics, including:
* How marriage affects your health (married folks' are healthier and live longer);
* How to make conflict work for you rather than against you (and why the first three minutes of an argument matter the most)
* The science of passion, romance and commitment
* How children and parenting affect marriage
* How the division of housework plays into a marriage--and what women need to learn if they want their husbands to help
* How finances affect marriage ("debt is the number one source of marital strife for newlyweds")
* How researchers can tell which marriages are destined for trouble and which will last based on ten innocent questions about how the spouses met.

The thing that struck me the most as I read through much of the research was how it makes sense. It makes sense that you don't roll your eyes at your spouse when you're arguing. But the statistics that support that? Wow. Eye-rolling is one of the greatest signs of contempt, and contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce. When you have research to back these kinds of things, it makes it all the more real.

And there were so many others, such as the fact that studies have shown that merely holding her husband's hand reduces a wife's stress levels.
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30 of 36 people found the following review helpful By Dr. David Frisbie on May 8, 2010
Format: Hardcover
Here's a compilation of the best ideas for helping your marriage both survive and thrive. After writing about marriage in a number of journals and periodicals, Tara Parker-Pope has assembled a helpful all-in-one resource for anyone who cares about marriage.

Well-written, informative, and definitely not "weird science" --- this book is carefully notated and fully indexed, gathering the best ideas and information into one volume. Clear sharp prose, all meat, very little fluff!

Having studied marriages and families for more than two decades, I'm glad to recommend this helpful, encouraging new book!

Dr. David Frisbie
The Center for Marriage & Family Studies
Author of "The Soul-Mate Marriage" and 10 other books
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By algo41 on August 22, 2010
Format: Hardcover
I was interested in this book for the science - and there is, surprisingly, a lot of good science which has been developed. Parker-Pope does well with the material. She knows her way around the use of statistics, and is careful to qualify them. I did do a bit of skimming.

There is one thing she should have warned the reader about. If, for example, certain modes of discourse are predictive of a successful marriage, it does not NECESSARILY mean that if you imitate them, it will turn a bad marriage into a successful one. It is kind of like the uncertainty principle. What is a good predictor when behavior has not been tailored to a set of findings, will not necessarily be a good predictor if behavior is consciously adopted as a result of those findings. Still, it can't hurt, and probably would help, to try to learn from the science.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By BlogOnBooks on July 13, 2010
Format: Hardcover
Everyone knows there is no shortage of `relationship' books on the market today. Books about dating, mating and separating have lined bookshelves for years.

So it comes with some surprise that someone has come up with a fresh approach to this age-old topic; an approach primarily based on science. Not just science in a cold, clinical, Masters and Johnson style, but a science that takes into account things like socialization, health patterns, communication skills and lifestyle issues.

In, `For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage,' author and New York Times' `Well blog' columnist Tara Parker-Pope explores a wide variety of factors that determine success (or failure) for today's married couples. Everything from the initial meeting to body language (including the killer rolled eyeballs), frequency of sex, and married vs. single vs. divorced health patterns for both men and women is fair game here. From hormonal studies to extra-marital affairs, the concepts are explained with the kind of backing that goes beyond the opinion style of similar books to a well backed set of facts (many of which are counter-intuitive) to support each revealing position. Meaning... we're talking research.

Parker-Pope brings together an impressive array of studies and statistics - from lab experiments on mice and chimps, to census data trends to a wide swath of studies (Berkeley, NYU, Vanderbilt, Mayo Clinic, etc.) to create her models of the new married class. Dozens upon dozens of studies are translated in a well organized fashion to examine the factors that create lasting marital love; the nitty-gritty of why some relations work, others don't and what can really be done to improve a couple's chances of overall success.
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