For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men [Hardcover]

Shaunti Feldhahn (Author)

Book Description

Release date: July 28, 2004

What’s going on in a man’s mind? From their early days, every woman has struggled to understand why males behave the way they do. Even long-married women who think they understand men have only scratched the surface. Beneath a man’s rugged exterior is an even more rugged, unmapped terrain. What bestselling author Shaunti Feldhahn’s research reveals about the inner lives of men will open women’s eyes to what the men in their life—boyfriends, brothers, husbands, and sons—are really thinking and feeling. Men want to be understood, but they’re afraid to “freak out” the women they love by confessing what is happening inside their heads. This book will guide women in how to provide the loving support that modern men want and need.

The Truth About His Inner Life He Desperately Wants You to Know

What's going on in there? Ever been totally confused by something your man has said or done? Want to understand his secret desires and fears, his daily battles that you know nothing about?

In a woman-to-woman conversation you’ll never forget, Shaunti Feldhahn takes you beneath the surface into the inner lives of men. This book is about the things we just don’t ‘get’ about guys. With findings from a groundbreaking national survey and personal interviews of over one thousand men, For Women Only is full of eye-opening revelations you need to not only understand the man in your life, but to support and love him in the way he needs to be loved. Grounded in biblical hope, you will discover how to love your man for who he really is—not who you think he is.

Story Behind the Book

I had no idea how clueless I was about men until I interviewed a bunch of them for my last novel. Initially, I just wanted a little insight so I could write my main (male) character. But pretty soon I found myself astonished, over and over again blurting out, “That’s what you’re thinking?” So I did more interviews. After the novel hit shelves, dozens of women told me they also had been astonished by what I included. Clearly I wasn’t the only one who needed more insight on this!

To lay the groundwork for this nonfiction book, I wrote out the half-dozen things from these interviews that had most surprised me—things that appeared to be universal to most men—that women desperately needed to know. I conducted a professional national survey of men to test my findings. Yep—the survey substantiated every single one. These findings are fascinating—and they have already changed my life and marriage. I can’t wait to share them!

Editorial Reviews

Review

"What an important book!"
- Beth Moore

About the Author

Shaunti Feldhahn started out as an analyst on Wall Street and ended up a surprise bestselling author, encouraging the Christian community toward service and outreach with the #1 bestseller Y2K: The Millennium Bug—A Balanced Christian Response. Also an author of message fiction, Shaunti is a newspaper columnist on women’s issues, contributing the conservative opinion for the Atlanta Journal- Constitution’s popular online “Woman to Woman” column. Shaunti and her husband, Jeff, are active leaders in their church, leading a home group that encourages married couples toward greater intimacy with God and each other.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 208 pages
• Publisher: Multnomah Books; 1 edition (July 28, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1590523172
• ISBN-13: 978-1590523179
• Product Dimensions: 7.2 x 5.3 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (489 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #36,849 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

SHAUNTI FELDHAHN is a wife and mom first, as well as a popular speaker and best-selling author. After receiving a graduate degree from Harvard, Shaunti started out on Wall Street, but now applies her analytical experience in a totally different way. Today, Shaunti is a social researcher investigating the most important things we all need to know about the most important people in our lives - the vital surprises about the inner thoughts, feelings, fears and needs that they deeply wish we understood. As a result, her research has uncovered the little changes that have big impacts in our lives, marriages, families and workplace relationships. Her eye-opening books, including For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men, and For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women, have sold more than two million copies in 22 languages. Close to her own personal challenges, Shaunti has also tackled how to have biblical life balance as a busy modern woman (The Life Ready Woman: Thriving In a Do-It-All World) and how teen and pre-teen girls (like her daughter) can look to God for affirmation, instead of to friends, guys, clothes, or food (Made to Crave for Young Women, co-authored with Lysa TerKeurst). Shaunti has also uncovered knowledge that has proven to be game-changing for talented, high-potential women in the workplace as well as for men who want to cultivate positive working relationships and champion female players for advancement (The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace).

Shaunti's keynote speeches, pastoral interviews, leadership consultations and team training sessions are based on more than ten years of research, including countless surveys and thousands of interviews and focus groups with men, women and teens across the globe. Shaunti and her findings have been featured in media as diverse as The Today Show and Focus on the Family, The New York Times and MomLife Today, Cosmo and Lifeway's Living With Teenagers magazine. Based out of Atlanta, she and her family are intensely grateful for the crazy but wonderful life God has given them.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

740 of 824 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Another man's perspective: Do I get off this easy? March 23, 2005

By lfisher

Format:Hardcover

I recently ordered this book for my wife's birthday as a way of opening up one more avenue of communication and understanding in our marriage. After reading it myself first, I increasingly felt very hesitant to give it to my wife. Why? Although the book certainly raises important issues that are a great conversational starting point, I can't help but feel that Feldhahn's book is saturated with a particular kind of "submissive wife" ideology common in various evangelical Protestant circles. One of Feldhahn's driving theses is that men are wired a certain way, so the key to a successful marriage is for women to discover the intricacies of that wiring and then adapt themselves accordingly (Feldhahn tells her women readers that these "fascinating new secrets" about men are "supposed to change and improve us [women]" [p.19-20]). Although that might be in fact what men want, I'm unconvinced that is always what we or our marriages need. Following the suggestions in this book might make a happier husband but a more unfulfilled, subservient wife.

That's not to say I can't relate to much of what she describes. Her analysis of the inner wiring of men is interesting and accurate for the most part (although certainly some aspects are probably overstated), but it's her prescriptive "solutions" that seem misguided. In my experience, a marriage works best when good communication leads to mutual compromises. To have wives coddle their husbands might produce the desired results in the short term, but I think it is worth thinking about the reciprocal nature of a good marriage for long-term success. Is it too much to ask that husbands should work just as hard to figure out the needs and desires of their wives and adapt themselves as well? I hope not. Unless this is a two-side process, the long term benefits are questionable at best.

But again, she does manage to capture many of the core struggles of the average man. No one man (hopefully) embodies all the fears, anxieties, and problems she describes, but it would be a rare man that could identify with none of them. I still plan on giving the book to my wife (with a host of qualifications) because it does in some ways describe my own inner fears, desires, and struggles, but my hesitancy to do so still remains simply because of the implicit message to women.

239 of 271 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Spot ON! December 14, 2004

By [e-mail]

Format:Hardcover

I am a bookstore junkie, big time, and one of my absolute favorite bookstores is LifeWay. While I was browsing one day about a month ago, I came across this book in the new release section. Having already read a fiction book by Shaunti Feldhahn, I picked up this non-fiction book even though I thought the cover was rather lame (also, Beth Moore's favorable quote on the cover got my attention). I started reading and by the time I had scanned (in depth) the first 3 chapters, I knew I was on to something important. My wife is not as "into" these types of books as I am, so I chose to run it by her first. I waited a couple of days until the moment seemed right to bring up the topic, and asked her if she wouldn't mind if I gave her the book (I explained it briefly) - she said she wouldn't mind at all. So I bought it the next day and gave it to her that night. My wife is a processor, luckily for me, and she is reading a chapter every few days and then letting that one soak in. If you should choose to read this book, I would urge you to take your time reading it. Each chapter goes into depth in a particular area concerning men, but does so in a way that is not bogged down in psych tech-speak. At a point about 4 chapters in, she asked me to read the book and decide which chapters fit me more than others - she wanted me to, in essence, rank the chapters. She had a tough time wording how she was feeling as she read more and more of the book, but what I gather is that she is genuinely taken aback by what the author has found out about men, and possibly even having a little trouble processing all the information, some of which, no doubt, is new to her, or if not new, I dare say she had no idea as to the depth.

After reading the book myself, this is what I want to say to you, the wives. There is no chapter in this book that doesn't hit home and thus felicitously apply to what I believe would be a normal man, and by normal, I mean most of us. Much of what is contained in this book is of a deeply personal nature - stuff that some of us men would feel (to varying degrees) uncomfortable talking about with our wives. Just let me try to say what most if not all of husbands would say to their wives if asked by their wives about the content of this book.

* "Yes, the contents of the book are true, even though it may be alarming (maybe even shocking) to you."

* "It's possible that some chapters may apply more than others, but trust me, the entirety of this book is dead on target, with all chapters applying to the makeup of who I am."

* "Sometimes I wish God had not `hard-wired' me to be like this, but I know with total certainty that I am created in the image of God - I am created exactly the way God intended, thus, in retrospect, 100% of the time, after consideration, I am very glad God created me like this."

* "Likewise, though you are indeed so often a puzzle to me, I am equally glad God created you to be mysterious to me, because it's more often a wonderful mystery than a frustrating mystery."

* "Please be cautious how you talk to me about this book. Remember, much of the content is of a delicate nature, if it wasn't, I would have already talked to you about the subject matter of each chapter."

* "If you ever find a book that is similar to this one, but written for men, please buy it for me and give it to me right away. I am always looking for ways to be a better husband to you."

I truly feel that the author has written this book in a way to be as far from preachy as I can imagine. I suspect that you will feel her surprise with her as she was gathering the survey and interview results and other enlightening material for this book. Here is a woman who loves her husband deeply, but married life is, of course, not without frustration. Perhaps, she was mystified by her husband one too many times, and, putting on her investigative hat, decided to go to a fount of results - the opinions of about four hundred men. She got answers, and those answers just may increase your understanding of men and strengthen your marriage to a level you thought not possible. Highly recommended to any wife who loves her husband.

218 of 253 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars This book changed my marriage February 1, 2005

By Marsha Marks VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover

I thought I was happily married, I mean, come on I love my husband, and he loves me. I'm a Flight Attendant and successful author, what is there left to learn about men, that I don't know. Then I saw an interview with Shaunti on TV and I was stunned. The book sounded facinating. She interviewed 1,000 guys and tallied up the results. I got the book - read it in one setting and then quizzed my husband. "Honey, you don't think this...do you?" He did. My eyes were opened. And I saw my husband as "so different" from me, someone who responds to different things, will respond differently than me. You need to get this book. I have told everyone I know, men and woman, this book will change your marriage.