She's a legitimate half orphan bastardized by adoption. An adoptee, found by her natural family, discovers and exposes a web of secrets and lies. Why was her birth certificate sealed and falsified by laws meant to hide bastards?
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Editorial Reviews
Review
Heather UK
Joan! If only I had found you sooner! I have to tell you, I'm staying awake until 2am each night because I just don't want to put your book down! I have no idea where I'll be when I finish the book, it's just incredible; moving; absorbing and an intimate portrait of the adoptive experience. I was born in NY State in 1970, adopted by a British Couple who moved back to the UK some years later. I live in the UK with my husband and three children. Much of your writing resonates with me. At the age of 18 I asked for my adoption records and was shocked to learn that, altough UK adult adoptees are able to access their records (and have been able to do so since the early 1970s) the laws of New York State denied me access to mine! I am also shocked and outraged by the continued opposition to equality for adoptees and the blatent defense of discrimination that continues to this day. Perhaps I can see the picture all the more clearer as a resident of another Country with different practises looking in on a system that is appallingly outdated and discriminatory to adopted people. It took me 20 years to get to this point. To shake off the brainwashing of the people who told me I had no rights and was best to leave things well alone. I found my voice because of people like you, Joan, and shall be forever grateful to those who had the courage to speak out and continue to have their voice heard whilst others have yet to find theirs. The men and women who have the strength to lobby for changes in the law to allow information to flow freely - as it is meant to do in a democracy - will receive a HUGE outpouring of thanks from those affected by the issue. We are many. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being one of the hugely strong and courageous ones. -- 2010/01/04 at 7:10am, personal email
Review Joan M Wheeler, BA, BSW, born as Doris M Sippel. Forbidden Family: A Half Orphan's Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism. North America and International: Trafford. 641p, $45.00.
Forward by Rene Hoksbergen.
This autobiographical study of Joan Wheeler read with the necessary tension on the way things will go. Despite the extensive and detailed description of the many events and feelings over a period of almost 50 years.
It consists of two parts. The autobiography of Joan and then part two with lots of information about the American adoption history and its current situation. In this second part, she makes her findings and suggestions for improvements.
Joan was born in Buffalo. Her mother died shortly after her birth and her father decided to give her away to a distant relative without children. He has already four children, three daughters and one son, this fifth child can't be taken care of by him. In 1956, when this takes place, adoption in the U.S. (and also in our country of Holland) is a taboo subject. Birth certificates are falsified, the child is sometimes very late or not informed about the adoption and many know the facts and family relationships, some don't, as the case of Joan.
When she becomes 18 years old, she's suddenly called by her eldest sister. Her three sisters and brother were from when Joan suddenly disappeared from the family, informed of the status of adoption, and also of her destination. They had always wanted to know how she was doing and now she's eighteen and formal adult, they can contact her. From this call Joan's life has been put upside down. She describes her reaction, of the adoptive parents and how her birth family, her father and siblings deal with it.
Against the background of all the facts around the reunion and the further development of contacts, she tells clearly and gripping the process of other aspects in her life: her school life, marriage, becomes the mother of two children, the death of her adoptive father, dealing with friends, the care of her adoptive mother and only child, and many others. It is a moving description of the history of an American woman and her two families.
But gradually it becomes clear that the reunion in her life especially got a negative impact. There is sexual abuse of her by one of her sisters, intense feelings of jealousy, aggression, and ignorance towards Joan. The father tries desperately, sometimes successfully but often not, to compromise between his children. Joan herself also got a fierce nature. At the same time her adoptive mother initially responds very negatively to her writings about adoption in various newspapers and increasingly in book form. Mother has a strong possessiveness towards her adopted child, Joan.
Precisely because of its negative experiences Joan has decided twenty years ago to write down her life story. She is also an adoption activist. She vehemently rails against the practice adopted in the U.S. She fights against the fraudulent nature, against hypocrisy, market characteristics, the closed nature of many adoptions that still continues, even against anonymous sperm and egg donors. Many times you see her at conferences - and so I made her acquaintance - her story. In the adoption world in the U.S.A. she's well known.
The book is a very informative story about how an adopted deals with secrecy, how decisions are made for her, the struggle with feelings of loyalty, the reunion and contacts with the biological family of both mothers' and fathers' sides. She describes her emotional reactions openly and honestly.
It is an exciting and very well written story about the weak position of an adopted child. English is relatively simple and remain legible. For adoptees and adoptive parents, I would recommend this book highly. -- LAVA Contact 2010, 2, 21 National Association for Adoptive Parents, The Netherlands. Also in: INFO Krant (Krant is Journal) Sept 2010 nr. 110 p 12 Journal of a large adoption organization in The Netherlands.
From the Author
This is a work of non-fiction; the events are entirely true. Nothing is imagined or fabricated. Most names, some places and other identifying information have been changed. Some names used by permission. Names of deceased people are real names, names of celebrities and public people are real names. There are no composite characters. Events and conversations are written without embellishment from memory, notes, eyewitnesses, tape recordings, letters, and documented research. Some very traumatic events have been omitted.
The photo used on the back cover was approved for publication by a literary attorney as the identities of the people are not known and the photo is blurred with printed words over it. No permissions were needed. My mother is pregnant with me: this is our family portrait, referred to many times in the book. This is my Forbidden Family.
All content was reviewed by a literary attorney, once with my natural father sitting in the same room. My natural father, step mother, and adoptive mother reviewed the book, adding their input.
The psycho-social aspects and birth certificate status are important issues raised in this book.
I have no contact whatsoever with the three sisters who found me. They write their own blogs spreading filthy lies about me, saying that I am actively harming them. I am not. They let the world know they were in the book because they identified themselves. They are doing this all themselves. They are the ones bashing me.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
2 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
pulled from print due to slander and libel,
By
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Forbidden Family (Paperback)
Ms. Wheeler is delusional. Her book is NOT truthful. She puts forth that I have a criminal record, which is libel. About the picture on the back cover: it was taken in 1955. Joan was not born until 1956. She does not own copyrights to it. Part of the contract with Trafford - she had signed - and said that she owned copyrights to all parts of the book - wrong, she did not. When Trafford found out she lied to them, and about me and others (slander and libel) they pulled the book. the book is dead, Joan will not accept this. My blog is not hateful - it is the truth. Joan simply cannot stand it that her book is DEAD DEAD DEAD. And she was exposed as a liar.
"temporarily out of stock?" - no - it's PERMENANTLY OUT OF PRINT due to slander and libel. complaint to Trafford publishing: I am writing to complain about the physical breakdown of the book. I have had the book since February 2010 and in the past 5 months the book is physically falling apart. I am using the book as a reference guide for what it was described for. I do research, which requires frequently handling of the book. The cover of the book has a black film coating; it is coming loose from the edges and developing holes along the spine. The pages are beginning to come apart at the seams. For a book to fall apart in only 5 months is unacceptable. - Gert McQueen From Ruth Pace - 3 other family members purchased the book (one purchased it for Gert) in December 2009 and have the same complaints of its physical condition. I have this to say about its content: it is NOT a book of non-fiction, or a "scholarly" work on adoption reform - the author goes out of her way to trash everyone in her life who has ever made her angry. I am her birth sister, referred to as Brenda in the book. Gross lies about me and my character are all over this book, including slanderous things - like I have been arrested and have a criminal record. This is patently false! Other family members have also been trashed. Gross lies and misrepsentations are all over the book. Speaking of trash - this is exactly where this book belongs. I gave it a star rating as per the website, but it really deserves a 5 razz review.
0 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
A Compelling Account of Adoption & Reunion,
By All Mad Here (Queen City) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Forbidden Family (Paperback)
Joan Wheeler has written a compelling, moving, and often harrowing account detailing her life experiences as an adoptee who at age 18 was contacted by a sister whose existence was unknown to Joan. The subsequent reunion with her birth family was emotion-charged and turbulent with profound effects on Joan and her adoptive family, as well as Joan's children later on. The book also recounts Joan Wheeler's activism for adoptees' rights and her efforts and suggestions to reform the adoption system in order to spare others the frustration and suffering she has endured.
0 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Timely Informative,
By Ruth Willerth "SmatteringsBooks" (Clarence, NY USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Forbidden Family (Paperback)
Forbidden Family by Joan M Wheeler is timely considering it took the resources of Donald Trump to make public President Obama's birth certificate. I'm so glad to find out that he really is an American. I live in the part of America that must produce whatever forms government says we must like birth certificates, social security cards, photo id... Being one of millions of Americans not understanding Hawaii seals all birth certificates from the public, I wonder... How the public would respond if our president was adopted so had two conflicting birth certificates?
Ruth Willerth Knife of Truth series consulting editor
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