Customer Reviews

The Force of Kindness: Change Your Life with Love and Compassion (Book & CD)

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This is a book that will shine a light in the darkness. Salzberg has a wonderous gift in her ability to remind us of our own beauty. I find myself re-reading these pages often when I need to remember my own, and when I need to remember to have compassion for myself and others. Her words easily flow from the pages directly to my heart.

"Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth,
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.

~Naomi Shihab Nye

Sharon Salzberg presents kindness in a book about life lived with love and a CD to introduce kindness meditations. Through her work, you can learn how to bring more compassion into the world. She presents her ideas in six chapters:

Compassion in Action
Kindness Toward Ourselves
Overcoming Cruelty
How We See the World
Ethics and Kindness
The Intention of Kindness

Sharon Salzberg teaches us how to see the good inside us and to reflect on things we have done in the world that are positive and nurturing. She recommends spending 15-20 minutes a day on doing something to be kind to yourself. You can also repeat phrases like "May I live in safety," and "May I have mental happiness." She also shows how a natural sense of morality can be born from a sense of empathy and in understanding that hurting others will cause your own suffering.

How can we feel liberating joy?
What is an enlightened being?
Can you dedicate your life to kindness?
How can you become a bodhisattva?

While we all seem to move from unhappiness to happiness on a daily basis or a minute-by-minute cycle of life's ever changing circumstances, this book helps to bring us back to a more centered existence. Sharon Salzberg's teachings encourage you to live with an open heart and be a place of calm in the midst of the world's storms.

"Kindness is the foundation of unselfconscious generosity, natural inclusivity, and an unfeigned integrity. When we are devoted to the development of kindness, it becomes our ready response..." ~Sharon Salzberg

~The Rebecca Review

This book was the start of a profound change in my practice. Until I read it and listened to the included guided meditation CD I missed an essential aspect of mindfulness meditation. Repeatedly returning to the breath, returning to the focal point of meditation is essential. But how one returns is critical. Salzberg's reassurance that "nothing is lost, nothing is ruined" when meditation doesn't go as expected helped free me from unnecessary struggle and distracting self-judgment. A single sentence (p. 46) which emphasized the importance of being honest about one's pain turned me on my ear. Salzberg's perspective on mindfulness practice was like a healing balm for my tortured effort. If you have felt frustrated or defeated in attempting mindfulness practice, this book can definitely help. I now own 8 copies so I have enough to share. All are currently out.

The CD is a great addition to the book and makes it more user friendly.

"The Force of Kindness" by Sharon Salzberg is a small format book plus a CD which helps you learn how to develop a loving-kindness meditation practice. It is strongly grounded in Buddhism, so it is definitely helpful to understand the philosophies of Buddhism before you undertake this "how-to" book based on those thoughts.

Sharon provides a wealth of tips for us to focus on. Thank someone each day for their help. Notice how the mood of a person you meet affects your own mood. This reminds you how your own actions affect others. Give yourself loving attention without a "I me mine" obsession. Offer yourself remorse so you forgive and use your energy to do better next time. Guilt consumes your energy eternally so you have less energy available to improve and grow.

Meditate daily - focus on the good you have done. Imagine a circle of followers supporting you. Again it's not about self-congratulation - it's about encouraging healthy behavior in yourself.

Sharon explains how in Buddhist philosophy you imagine a feather curling back from a flame - this is a person pulling back from causing harm when they have empathy. It's not about being self-righteous - it's simply about feeling a natural instinct. This happens when we see people as fellow humans, not as objects who are "in competition for the goodies we want."

We have all had times we have mistreated others - in this way we should be able to see how others fall into that situation. We need to remove all "us" vs "them" thoughts in our mind. Meditate on living-kindness thoughts for others. Start with those we love - then those we are neutral towards - then someone who has mildly hurt us. Our anger burns *us*. Keep in mind that it's not that we condone their act or pretend it didn't happen, but we accept it did happen and move on.

Sharon reminds us that life is over quickly - we need to make the best of the time we have. Before each meal, reflect on all the various people who made your meal possible.

While some might feel ethics are a theoretical mind-pursuit, Sharon instructs us, "ethics are not something to just think about or admire from a distance. They are active in this very moment, in this very thought or urge or decision, and in action we connect to them."

The CD with the book is meant to help a person move through the different stages of meditating - focusing on your own health, focusing on the health of others, and so on. I did not find the voice to be very soothing, and there were giant empty gaps where, I suppose, the listener was supposed to "think on their own." Really, though, if I am listening to a meditation CD I am doing it to hear the guidance of the speaker, not to have the CD player for long minutes with no sound at all. I would at least have music or something playing.

Overall I found the book had great information and wonderful practical advice. I wish it had been a longer book, with more background - I think some of these concepts may be confusing for people who haven't encountered Buddhism before. Also, I think the CD can use some improvements. While I really loved the book, I wasn't that fond of the CD.

Well recommended.

The book is brief and very much to the point and the briefness is actually very deceiving. Once you get into chapter 2, the author starts sharing Buddhist's views on kindness and as you slowing read it and ask yourself 'what does this mean' and 'is this something I am applying already' or like me, it started to raise emotions on how hard I have beaten myself up and hence other people: creating this separation. I have been practicing oneness through my spiritual pathway for many years now and this book reminded how much of the journey I still have to travel, to unwind from my current process and apply a new one: I deserve kindness towards myself. Don't expect the book to be an in depth philosophical teaching, it is not provide that at all.

The accompanying CD has four meditations, each approximately 16-23 minutes long.
1) lovingkindness towards ourselves (hmm, definitely needs to be first as you cant really apply kindness to others)
2) lovingkindness towards others
3) lovingkindness for all being
4) meditating with the forced of kindness

meditations 1 through to 3 provide more of a visual meditation with thoughts of acceptances.
meditation 4 is more of a breathe meditation that relaxes the body completely. I like breathe meditations on the whole and this one provided the relax state that I was seeking in between my busy work schedule. yep, I get snappy when I am hyper busy and I am pleased to insert this short meditation at midday!

I would definitely buy this for the CD alone.

Sharon Salzberg shows how to open our hearts and radiate the force of kindness in her powerful book "The Force of Kindness: Change Your life with Love and Compassion." She uses stories, insights, guided exercises and meditations to help us cultivate the foundation of inward peace and empathy. She says, "Kindness is a force that breaks open your heart even as it heals - and in that healing sets you free." Metta or loving-kindness and friendship is a cornerstone of Buddhist happiness.
Salzberg says the Dalai lama's quote, "My true religion is kindness" illustrates how kindness is a deep and abiding understanding of how we are all connected. Kindness helps us develop a certain kind of faith in ourselves and in our ability to meet difficulties. Our potential to grow, understand, love and connect is nourished by what we believe about ourselves. If we truly loved ourselves we would never harm another because if we harm another it diminishes who we are.
The Buddha said within our body lies the entire universe. When we understand our own experience and connect to it, we can connect to all life, to the whole universe. The world is no longer experienced dualistically for there is no sense of "us" and "them." When a person becomes an "other" kindness dies.
To find the power, confidence and release in kindness we must transcend belief systems, allegiances, ideologies, cliques and tribes. Kindness inspires a sense of ethics and requires finding how we can be smart and strong and still be kind. Kindness is not just being nice it has great forcefulness.
Salzberg explains the difference between remorse and guilt. Remorse is considered a skillful state of mind as we recognize we have done something wrong, we experience pain but essentially forgive ourselves and avoid making the same mistake. Guilt is considered unskillful as we remain stuck and continually blame ourselves until we are drained. It's a form of self-hatred.
Salzberg says there are five Buddhist precepts for living. Refrain from killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying and taking intoxicants. She also shares ways to weave kindness in our lives and intentions: Notice the intentions underlying actions. Take responsibility for the intentions we act on. Forgive ourselves when we make mistakes. Practice greater restraint in speech. Follow through on strong generous intentions. Wish for love, peace and happiness for ourselves and others and all beings.
Each chapter has expert instruction and valuable teachings. They include: Compassion in Action, Kindness to Ourselves, Overcoming Cruelty, How We see the World, Ethics is Kindness and The Intention of Kindness.
Salzberg also includes a CD with four guided meditations to develop loving kindness towards ourselves, to others, for all beings and gives practices that uplift and benefit both.
Salzberg has been a student of Buddhism since 1971. She is the founder of the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies and the Insight Meditation Society in Massachusetts. She is the author of several books.

Sharon Salzberg is a master in leading one on the path to deep and true compassion. In her book, "The Force of Kindness" she pragmatically leads one to recognize the only road to find certain happiness for oneself is to develop our hearts and minds through the magic of compassion for all beings.

Being a reader of Baba Ram Dass' "Be Here Now" when it was ORIGINALLY published (really dated myself there!), and a believer in the same "philosophy" ever since, I enjoyed this book very much. It does lean heavily on Ms. Salzberg's Buddhist teachings and training, including meditations and a continuous, constant effort on our part to keep ourselves focused on BEING open, kind, sympathetic and compassionate toward others. (Metta is a "lovingkindness" meditation/concentration practice to assist in achieving this focus.) What I like is, throughout the book, she realizes that we are all too human, and this probably isn't going to happen overnight or all at once (especially in a busy, hectic life), but gently reminds us not to expend negative energy and to try to constantly keep an open mind and to re-focus on obtaining that positive energy needed in order to BE kind and compassionate - not only to others, but to ourselves.

Everyone knows that you can't like or love someone unless you like or love yourself, not in an egotistical way, of course. Towards that objective, the longer we strive for insight into our own inner self, our individual pleasure and pain, desires and fears, knowing ourselves and learning not to build walls, it becomes natural and easier to keep an open mind about the plight and suffering of others, as well as being kind and caring of them. We learn and develop empathy for others, as we no longer view them as distant, removed objects, but rather as people. (It's a lot easier to harm an object than another person, wouldn't you agree? I would.) Ms. Salzberg also stresses the importance of STAYING connected to this presence and state-of-mind, which again makes it easier and natural to constantly BE kind and compassionate with ourselves and others, as we then see ourselves in them.

I like her pointing out that we need to stop reinforcing the sense of "us and them," which leads to dehumanization, separation and disregard of others around the world (I believe that to be true locally as well as globally, as I'm sure she does.) She is not passive or complacent (and suggests we not be, either), where deliberate wrongdoing occurs, but to seek change very forcefully, with our whole heart. (Or in my case, signing petitions and/or writing personalized letters to those involved in the "wrongdoing" at any level.) She stresses the importance of NOT containing the resentment and anger within ourselves for those who hurt us (or what we believe in), and letting it define us, rather, letting go of it while taking peaceful action, and practicing "lovingkindness" toward them. A tall order? Sure, but while NOT condoning the hurt or wrongdoing, it also shows the greatest respect and compassion for ourselves that we are even able to let it go. (Of course, after taking that "peaceful action" or writing those letters!) :)

Ms. Salzberg also states the excellent point that, "compassion and kindness doesn't imply that we define someone solely in terms of their victimhood, their incapacity, disability or their troubles, as if they were nothing more than that," but we should never forget to look at what is WHOLE in a person - what's intact, vital and generative" about them as well. And that, to me, is very important and something most of us tend to forget quite easily, and I quote: "With the force of kindness, we can look at someone else and see those things as well as his or her pain. This helps us look at ourselves and see those same things within. Then, compassion and kindness connect us to a bigger picture of life. We can see pain but also love, loss but also movement, sorrow but also togetherness."

To summarize the above and point out one of the most important messages of the book, Ms. Salzberg reminds us, "This is an immense vision, one made real by our conscious practice of love, compassion and kindness for all of life without exception. At a fundamental level, our connectedness to others is expressed by our wish for the welfare of ALL, as well as our dedication to their happiness, safety and peace. This is how we remember what our OWN lives are about."

"If we follow this inspiration through constant practice, then we can carry it into our everyday interactions, encounters and relationships. We also can practice this awareness by connecting it to the boundlessness of life and beings EVERYWHERE - all beings, all creatures, all individuals, all those in existence."

To commit to kindness and compassion, we need constant mindfulness as well. Will I (or you) be able to achieve that, always and all of the time? Of course not. But we CAN always come back to it, which leads to the constant, conscious choice of being a "force of kindness." This book's tenets and principles are among those I strive to live by, and as you can see from my review, I enjoyed it very much. You will, too!

Four and 1/2 stars.

The CD that accompanies this great little book is just lovely -- takes love and compassion from the smallest circle right out into the world - love listening before sleep, and always surprised by who pops up when it comes time to meditate for others!