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What Forever Means After the Death of a Child: Transcending the Trauma, Living with the Loss 1st Edition
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For a parent who is stumbling through grief it is extremely unfair to expect them to accept their child's death as `God's will' and to tell them that they need to start `moving on', `getting closure' and other equally nonsensical ideas. This makes the grieving parent feel guilty and a failure when they can't heal as quickly as others expect them to and it's very unkind.
Many models of grief therapy are damaging to the healing of a parent who has lost a child. For instance, the Gestalt approach is orientated towards integrating loss into our self-identity and finding a way to re-invest in a future without our precious child. While this is positive, the end goal of Gestalt therapy is closure, being able to say `goodbye'.
What these therapists don't appreciate is that the death of a child is the most catastrophic life event that can befall a person. I have lost a mother and two very close friends whom I loved dearly. But I was able to say goodbye and move on, keeping memories of them in my heart and from time to time I think fondly or regretfully of them. These deaths did not disrupt my life for more than a fortnight. My self-identity was not ripped apart and I could function despite my sadness.
I have lived with a broken heart for nearly 4 years now.Read more ›
This book helped immensely. It wasn't "just" academic or "just" stories, but melded the two in a really helpful way; knowing that there isn't one RIGHT way to do live on and trying to accept that forever is forever changed, but that doesn't have to be the end of memory and even joy and laughter at times. It's still hard, this helps a little.
The only other really good book I used was A Grief Observed by CS Lewis. It just spoke to me for some reason.
Blessings and prayers to all who have the misfortune to need this book.